My mother has always put herself before everyone. She's never proud of us, her kids, for our own sake, has threatened suicide, badmouthed our father to turn us against him, had tantrums on the floor when she didn't get her way, and used to constantly tell me I was selfish when I didn't take care of her (I was only a child). She wants attention and admiration 24/7 and won't even let me study.
I am still suffering as an adult. I am staying with my grandmother (and her) while I'm in school full-time and it is getting worse. My mother has not prepared me for "life" and I find that everything I need to know, I have to learn myself!
I had to pay hundreds of dollars for driving lessons because my mom didn't "feel like" teaching me to drive. She won't "let" me use the washing machine to do the laundry myself. My student loan debt is getting higher and higher, but if I move out, it will skyrocket.
I've been nothing but respectful, but now I am very resentful. How can I keep sane?
2007-06-12 07:25:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i had the same problem... especially the wouldnt teach me to drive because she didnt feel like it.... i didnt get my liscence till i was twenty one and only then because i had resorted to stealing my dads car whenever my stepmom was at work (he was in jail) and driving it all over the city to teach myself. eventually my mom grew up (once all of her kids were out of the house) but in the meantime i had to find other places to stay... dorm, other relatives, friends.
i would suggest doing that. especially family, they probably wont charge you rent.
2007-06-12 07:32:52 · answer #1 · answered by Christi F 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am 50 years old and had to work very hard when I left an abusive home. But you are young and have the physical energy to work hard, so that is in your favor. You may want to consider, working fulltime, having a couple roomates to help with living expenses and go to school partime. Or go to a vocational school and get into a little better paying job to help you pay for the career that really interests you. Many, Many people have had to go to school for a long time because they could not afford it right away. The main thing is to keep your focus and goal in mind and not deter away from it. I think your life will be much easiar if you get away from this abusive situation. It's hard to take the plunge and support ourselves when we don't have parental support backing us and the world is such a scarey place. You sound like a capable and intelligent person, and I have always found that life usually opens doors for me if I work hard and do my very best. I sure you will do fine. Good Luck.
P.S. You may want to talk to a school counselor about all of this and as a support system.
2007-06-14 09:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
To keep living expenses down go find yourself a room mate, see if you can get some counseling to help you deal with your feelings, get off teh pity pot and out of the victim role and start living your own life. It will take you a while to get on your feet and pay off student loans, learn the things you need to know in life -but you can do it. Others did it before you. AND MOVE AWAY. Let your dad deal with his wife- he married her. Good Luck.
2007-06-12 07:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by petra 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything to help your mom, so get going and help yourself.
Try student services at your school and tell them what is going on. You may qualify for special needs assistance. Counselling will help you to deal with your feelings about your mom and your life growing up, however I sense you need other issues dealt with first.
Your mom may have prepared you for life more than what you think....if you can live through everything you already have, living through discovering your own life will be a breeze. Thumbs Up Friend....things will get better.
2007-06-12 07:48:57 · answer #4 · answered by bin there dun that 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can't help her. She is in dire need of counseling. Talk to an adult in your family and see if they can convince her to go to local group counseling to discover why she acts and feels this way. As for you, hang in there. You already know that you have to be an independent individual The fact that you're succeeding indicates that you'll eventually be a success in life. Sometimes we can't help other people; this is hard to take, but it's a fact of life. Good luck to you.
2007-06-12 07:31:37 · answer #5 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't "fix" your mother. she is who she is. You have to do what is best for yourself. I was emancipated at 17 and had to take care of myself. I had to find and pay for my own apt. It was hard. Now at 25, I think I did what was best for me. It was hard, but my sanity was totally worth it and I learned alot of hard lessons. Only you can prepare yourself for life.
I'm in school and like you have student debt up to my eyeballs. but there's no way i'd ever go back to my mom's house.
You have to do what's best for you. bottom line. Look into grants and scholarships so that you can move out and use student loans for a place to live.
best of luck.
2007-06-12 07:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by SJM620 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not seeing signs of narcissism with your description of your mother. A sexual freak, yes. Study the charaterist of a narc below and figure out if it matches your mother. The only way to deal with a narc is to run away from them.
2016-05-18 02:27:35 · answer #7 · answered by tena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be a 'munschuasen' mom. Or she might be an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA). Either way just remember it is not your fault and your mother needs counseling.
2007-06-12 07:52:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋