TTC with difficulties. feeling depressed how do i make it through a baby shower?

Question

I am absolutely happy for the couple but I am in pain. I cried when i even bought them their shower gifts. How have other people coped?

Answer 1

I know the feeling. It took over four years before I got pregnant. A lot of people have a lot of babies in that time frame! I would cry during baby commercials on tv. I had to go to a baby shower just days after another failed attempt to get pregnant. It took many deep breaths and forced smiles, but I made it through that one. I just made sure I stood next to the mom-to-be and rubbed her belly a lot (wishful thinking never hurts!). I just had to keep telling myself that one that would be me (the pregnant one) and that I would want people to be happy for me. I put all of my energy into making everyone else's pregnancy/delivery/children enjoyable and happy.
If it is too difficult, try not to go to the baby shower or go for a short period of time. Blame it on a family dinner/party, etc. I wish you all the best!

Answer 2

I went through the same situation up until two and a half years ago. Since I was 16, three different doctors said I couldn't have kids. I proved them all wrong years later.
You need to be strong and have faith it will happen. It's when you don't try that miracles happen.
Has your significant other been tested to make sure he's not shooting blanks?
A tip for you; after having sex, lay still with your legs up on a wall or just up for 15-20 minutes. The whole idea is to elevate your pelvis area. Relax, read a magazine or book, or watch tv. Try to have sex only once or twice a week (in the morning is best).
This method worked for me, and a couple other of my friends that were trying to conceive. We all have kids or babies on the way.
If all else fails, adopt. There are so many kids in need of a good home. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I actually avoided baby showers while TTC (it took 2 yrs, and we had a 19 week loss before that). I would mail a gift and make an excuse (family got in the way, had to work ect). If they are a close friend they will understand. An invitation is not a manditory attendance anyway, there will be many others there to share her day, and before you know it they will all be at yours too!!!

Good luck on the baby dance!!

Answer 4

I just recently lost my son at 20 weeks...it's so very hard to even go near the baby section at the store. You may want to a grievance counselor at the hospital, believe it or not, they understand how difficult it is to lose a baby prior to delivery. There may even be support groups for women going through something similiar in your area. Also ask your doctor for maybe a book on how to deal with your grief...we were given one written by parents in similar situation...and it actually brought me some comfort. As far as the baby shower, if it's too difficult to go, maybe call the mommy to be and speak to her over the phone...she'll understand. You can always give her the gift at a later time. Do not force yourself to do anything that will make your situation worse...healing/coping will take a LONG time...it's okay. You lost a child, you have every right to cry and be upset...you'll never "get over it"...you'll only learn to deal with it better in time. Surround yourself with those that are gonna bring your spirits up...maybe do something to remember your child...plant a tree/flower, help out at a local orphanage, anything that you feel will honor the short life your child lived inside of you. Despite what anyone says, you will not be making a big deal over this...it is a big deal...you do what you have to get through it. Good luck!

Answer 5

If it hurts you to attend, DO NOT GO. You can give them the gifts the day before, or after. Since you are ttc, you don't need anymore added strain or stress as that can completely **** up your homones.
After we lost our baby girl we tried ttc but I was so depressed from watching other ppl get pregnant and have healthy babies my hormones were not stable and it messed up my cycles. Some months I never ovulated.

A nice card and the gifts the day before would be fine. I'm truly sorry you have to go through this.

Answer 6

It's hard, it really is. Depending on how close you are to the friend can you just send your gifts? A good friend would understand how you're feeling. I haven't had to go to a baby shower during our trying to conceive adventure. I don't know how I would have made it through. Other than faking it, I don't know what you should do if you do go.

If you do go, be sure to rub her belly . . . any little bit of baby dust helps.

I really do feel for you. It took us two years to get pregnant after losing a baby to miscarriage now it's been almost another two years that we've been trying again.

Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Aw, honey, I feel your pain. I actually have one child but we have been trying for number 2 for well over a year and I was just diagnosed with secondary infertility, which means there is a very slim chance of having a 2nd one. My sis-in-law is pregnant and I can't even stand to be around her. All you can do is grin and bear it. It doesn't matter how happy you are for someone, when you want something so bad and you aren't getting it or can't, it's truly depressing. It's hard to celebrate someone else's happiness when you are depressed, trust me I know! All you can do it paste that smile on your face and pretend. I also have skipped babyshowers because it is too painful. Good luck to you and I hope you get pregnant soon, babydust to you!

Answer 8

Don't go. Send the gift with a card. I miscarried at the end of January and skipped my sister-in-law's baby shower at the end of February. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right for you.

Answer 9

My older sister was never able to have children and she had to endure my other sister having 4 and me having 2. I think she makes it through by helping plan alot and keeping busy and then when my kids were born she became a wonderful aunt.
I don't know your medical history but I'm sure that if you are depressed your hormones are not going to be working properly.
If you simply cannot handle it, just fake sick.

Answer 10

Since I started TTC ((3 years ago)) I have had 5 friends have babies. You just go to it and you deal b/c it's not about you, it is about them. Someday you will be where they are! Just imagine how fun it will be when you are in their spot! That's how I got thru it, and it continues to work for me.