Jealous of his 'girl' friend?

Question

So my bf and i have an ldr right now...he's pretty far away. He has this child hood friend who is female, i have known about her from the beginning, they were babies together, dated at one point and i know they had sex at some point, in high school, they're 24 now. He told me that they'll always be friends and she is one of his best friends. I cant say she ever came between us, but I feel jealous. I feel like, maybe he'll always have a thing for her. He tells me he doesnt, that they are friends, that's all they'll ever be, he loves me. I didnt really hear from him over the weekend, then i checked his myspace page and there are always messages from her. Things that say, how are you, miss you, call me. I told him she needs a life, he just comes back with, we're just friends, i talk to you way more than i talk to her. One of her messages said, i havent heard from you, what's up. The most recent note says, what's up with all the crazy drunk texts from you this weekend? What should i think?

note: this girl in question is in the same place I am...we are both 5k miles away from him.

Answer 1

I would tell him that you need some questions answered so that you can let it go.. ask him if he has feelings for her and that you won't be mad if he answers honestly and what ever else you want to know.. then just let it go..

goodluck

Answer 2

OK am I having a Blonde moment or did you just ask this same question earlier? Not to mention the fact that just yesterday you posted something about being single and being jealous of your friends relationship. I think what you need to do is figure out if you are actually single like you said yesterday or if you have a b'f that happens to have a female childhood friend. So which is it??????? I'm not really for sure how to answer your questions when I dont think that you even know what your asking......

Answer 3

Ugh, I've been there!! First of all, you are NOT wrong to feel this way. Many people on here will tell you that you're being jealous and paranoid, but I will tell you that you are completely not wrong to worry about this friendship.

I started dating my boyfriend back in 2002. When we first met, it was a well-known fact that he had a female friend back in Texas, where he had just moved from. (We're in Denver now). At first I really didn't think anything of this female friend- she called him quite frequently, and he would always put me on the phone to say hi to her, so I'd know there was nothing to worry about, and he always told me that she was nothing more than a friend because she had a lot of religious views that were very different from his, and they would not have been compatible even if he had been attracted to her-which he claims he was not. So at first I was cool with it, but then I started noticing that she was calling almost on a daily basis, and instead of just giving reports about what was going on back home, she would call him with these detailed accounts of her love life, asking for "advice" from him. Then it came out that they actually had tried dating for a very short time, maybe a week back in high school, and I also found out that he had been her date to not one but 2 high school proms. I tried not to let it bother me because I knew that it was ancient history and I knew that their relationship had never gotten physical (she is practicing abstinence until marriage as part of her religion), but when her calls got more and more frequent, I had to finally admit that I had a problem with it. My boyfriend understood, but pointed out that he couldn't just ditch his friend because she was a girl. I understood that. He promised to always include me with whatever was going on with his friend, though, and that made me feel better.

After about 2 more months, when the friend got the picture that I was not temporary, she gradually stopped calling, and then about 6 months later, my boyfriend showed me this several-pages-long e-mail she wrote him, basically blasting him for being a terrible person who was a bad influence on her, and for leading her on when she had feelings for him. So clearly my suspicions were correct all along, she did have a thing for my boyfriend.

My advice? Keep an eye on this girl, make sure your boyfriend knows you don't approve of him e-mailing and texting her when you're not around, and also make your presence known by adding the girl as a friend on MySpace. He can still be friends with her, but he has to make sure she understands you're a part of his life.

Answer 4

If you think there's somethin shady goin' on, maybe it's time to split. Long-distance relationships can be absolutely stressful, especially when situations like this come up. My ex used to live over 2000 miles away...and even though I was suspicious, I made my best attempt at staying civil and trusting, but the signs told me otherwise. I had to do what was best for me -- what wouldn't drive me absolutely insane. What drove me insane? Not knowing. We can't control what others do to us, but we can control what WE do. If this situation makes you feel that uncomfortable, move on. Just be sure your distrust and jealousy are grounded, and not just flights of fancy based in your own insecurity.

All in all, follow your gut. That's almost always the best way to go.

Answer 5

its natural i assume ,to be a little jealous ,i have a best male friend we have known each other for along time we also grew up together and we dated although it was only to make a few people jealous anyway it worked well ,we never Sept together though in any case my fiancee ,him and his fiancee and my 2 kids and their one kiddo lives with me once in awhile are partners get jealous because we spend alot of time together and tell each other stuff we do not tell other people but we all end up OK we are all together like all the time ,so you are probably just fine it's not weird to be jealous of his friend it is natural but just maybe see if you guys can all hang out and try and get to know her you may feel better and good luck , i am not a jealous person but i get what you are saying

Answer 6

I think that you should catch him out sometime either by phone call or through other people that you know and he doesnt etc. If i was in your shoes i would feel the same so i have pure sympothy for you.
Try to find out his past to see wheather he is a player , if so then go with your instincts and close down that football ground!!

Answer 7

If they had a fling before then it's just a matter of time before those feelings will resurface again. He obvioulsy cares about her more then you think. When it comes down to it she will always be in the picture. It sounds as if she also wants more from him. Talk to him about it and let him know how uneasy their relationship makes you feel. If he blows it off and doesn't talk to you about it then it's high time to move on to someone who truley cares for you and only you.

Answer 8

If you really like this guy then let him hang out with his friend he probably does only like her as a friend but sometimes he'd rather talk to a friend rather than a girlfriend but you know at the end of the day it's you who he thinks about and who he wants to be with or he would of gone with her

Answer 9

you should stop being so jealous and let it go. chances are if you make this into a huge issue, he will pick her over you because she has been there the longest and you're the only causing the entire problem. they have been just friends for this long, if they wanted to be together they would.

Answer 10

Well, should try to go visit him without him figuring that you are there and you are going to visit him. They might be living together for all you know they probably got kids to and they are just written each other like that because theyknow that you got his e-mail and password for myspace.