In my sophomore year, I came out to my parents as being a bisexual. But, as years passed by (Now I'm 17, a senior), I realized that I am actually a lesbian because i've only been attracted to girls physically and mentally. Everyone pretty much knows about my sexuality except my parents and relatives, but i feel like i'm cheating them out for not telling them, but i'm, afraid because my mom cried for 3 days when i told her. what should I do?
2007-06-12 06:57:07 · 14 answers · asked by goregoremish 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
In my sophomore year, I came out to my parents as being a bisexual. But, as years passed by (Now I'm 17, a senior), I realized that I am actually a lesbian because i've only been attracted to girls physically and mentally. Everyone pretty much knows about my sexuality except my parents and relatives, but i feel like i'm cheating them out for not telling them, but i'm, afraid because my mom cried for 3 days when i told her. what should I do?
******
To clarify some stuff:
1) I didn't choose to be lesbian, you don't wake up one day and go "You know what? i think i'm going to become a lesbian!" it doesn't work that way.
2) I'm sure that I don't like guys, it's been a mental & physical thing
2007-06-12 07:07:15 · update #1
In my sophomore year, I came out to my parents as being a bisexual. But, as years passed by (Now I'm 17, a senior), I realized that I am actually a lesbian because i've only been attracted to girls physically and mentally. Everyone pretty much knows about my sexuality except my parents and relatives, but i feel like i'm cheating them out for not telling them, but i'm, afraid because my mom cried for 3 days when i told her. what should I do?
******
To clarify some stuff:
1) I didn't choose to be lesbian, you don't wake up one day and go "You know what? i think i'm going to become a lesbian!" it doesn't work that way.
2) I'm sure that I don't like guys, it's been a mental & physical thing
3) It's not a cry for attention, I mean, this is called a Q & A, right? So, if you don't like my question, please don't comment on it. It's simple as that. Respect me, and I'll respect you. Thank you.
2007-06-12 07:10:41 · update #2
In my sophomore year, I came out to my parents as being a bisexual. But, as years passed by (Now I'm 17, a senior), I realized that I am actually a lesbian because i've only been attracted to girls physically and mentally. Everyone pretty much knows about my sexuality except my parents and relatives, but i feel like i'm cheating them out for not telling them, but i'm, afraid because my mom cried for 3 days when i told her. what should I do?
******
To clarify some stuff:
1) I didn't choose to be lesbian, you don't wake up one day and go "You know what? i think i'm going to become a lesbian!" it doesn't work that way.
2) I'm sure that I don't like guys, it's been a mental & physical thing
3) It's not a cry for attention, I mean, this is called a Q & A, right? So, if you don't like my question, please don't comment on it. It's simple as that. Respect me, and I'll respect you. Thank you.
2007-06-12 07:11:38 · update #3
Your mom may have cried, but moms love their children no matter what. No matter your sexuality or faults or what you do or dont do.
I dont know the answer to your question.... Do what you heart feels but I will tell you what happened to me.
I have a daughter that is a teen. She came to me not long ago and told me that she is bi-sexual. Well, I was shocked to say the least. But, I did not freak out. I did not make a big deal of this. I know that she may or may not change her mind in the future. But either way I will love her. And I will let her know daily that I love her unconditionally.
Your parents love you too and the love between a parent and a child is unconditioal. They may not like the choice you have made for your life, but being teens once themselves they know that they can not live your life.
Good luck.....
2007-06-12 07:07:01 · answer #1 · answered by Just me 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have heard this a thousand times now, (and you'll hear it a thousand times more), but at your age, you are still in "exploration" mode. You don't know that you'll still feel like this in another five years. You might not even feel like this next week - since I don't know you, I can't tell you for sure.
From personal experience, I can only tell you this: things have changed a lot since I officially "came out", but one thing never does: being gay will not be the choice for your life that your parents would hope you'd make. Every mom and dad wants to see their son become a groom and their daughter a bride...with people of the OPPOSITE sex. Not just because it's considered to be "normal", but because it makes life easier for you and for them. (Plus, there's that expectation of grandkids...)
The one thing that will eventually help your parents come around and maybe even accept your sexuality, is if they can see that it doesn't change who you are as a PERSON. Regardless of whether you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, if you continue to be who you are, to learn and grow and establish a place in the world for yourself that is happy and healthy, that is what will come to matter most to them...not the fact that ten or twenty years from now you might have a couple of kids who happen to have two mommies.
Continue to be yourself and DON'T let your sexuality define that...and make sure they know that you still love them, no matter what.
2007-06-12 14:22:15 · answer #2 · answered by dreamchaser8860 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll be honest up front and say I have absolutely no experience with this, but I think you need to be honest with them. It sounds like they have accepted you as being bisexual (I base that on that you are still in contact with them and care what they think). Maybe it took awhile to adjust but they did. It may take while to adjust again, but probably not as long.
What is the alternative to live your entire life without telling them? I don't think that would be fair to them or you. they will eventually find out and wouldn't it be better now then to wait for years. The longer you wait the more difficult it will be. Also, then you don't have to worry about hiding what you really feel. It will be OK.
2007-06-12 14:08:52 · answer #3 · answered by Terry351 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It totally depends on your relationship with your family. I never really officially came out to my dad or the rest of my family. I wrote my mom a letter telling her. They all basically know, I mean, I live with my girlfriend (I'm 25 now), she comes to family gatherings and they all enjoy her thoroughly, but I never felt the need to have "the big talk." It sounds to me like you want to be really open and honest about what's going on in your life with your family, so I would say tell them. The fact of the matter is, your coming out is about what you need for you, not what other people need from you. Some people will react well, others won't and you have to be willing to deal with those consequences, but I say, trust your instincts.
2007-06-12 15:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what mindless simpletons say, your life is not and will not be ruined by this. People are who they are, not by choice or environment, but by nature. In this, as in all things, you should do what your mind and heart tell you to do, and not be influenced by the religious or moralistic loonies out there. I think that at some time in the future, you will feel comfortable in discussing this openly with those around you, but if you believe it would be too difficult right now given their past reaction, do not feel guilty or ashamed in delaying it.
2007-06-12 14:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by Judge 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say deal with the issue now. I think the sooner you have that understanding with your parent the better no matter how much it hurts & their will be some hurt feeling. But the truth is far better than not knowing or a lie.
good luck
2007-06-12 15:19:05 · answer #6 · answered by kay b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you. You don't have to tell anyone anything except as you need someone you trust to confide in so you don't have to pretend 24/7. Mom knows more than she can handle already. Leave her be. And stop labeling yourself. You are who you are. College is just around the corner, where you'll be around many more like yourself and life in that respect will be easier. Just be yourself until then and don't feel you need to label yourself.
2007-06-12 14:07:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
At 17 you're still discovering yourself. That's fine and there's really no reason to try to set things in stone at this point. As you told your parents two years ago that you were bisexual, then they already know that there is a good possibly that you are, in fact, lesbian. They may not care to discuss it, but they know. If your parents ask, then tell them your true feelings. In the meantime, its more important that you be true to yourself. Good luck.
2007-06-12 14:06:57 · answer #8 · answered by Tom K 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You should be true to your self and tell them, They may freak out but they will feel betrayed to if they find out later. The initial shock probably came when you first told them about being Bi. It will be better for you also, you shouldn't feel ashamed for who you are.
2007-06-12 14:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by Big T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if they already know that ur bi, then at least if you bring home a girl they wont be surprised, there isnt a real reason for you to have to tell them u dont like men, because at least for right now she thinks she might still get grand childeren
2007-06-12 14:03:05 · answer #10 · answered by scotchua 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋