My husband never wants to discuss problems when they arise between us. He is non-confrontational to the point of completely ignoring things. I've even tried to discuss THIS problem with him but nothing changes. We had a disagreement recently which was not resolved and he wants to act like nothing happened, hug me, "Love you honey", and I'm still seething over the disagreement. We've been together for nine years and fortunately do not have a lot of problems or disagreements but when we do it is always this way. I don't want to seem childish and hold on to hurt feelings or drag out a disagreement but I think we should at least discuss how we each feel whether we can completly agree and solve the problem or not. Suggestions??? Anyone else in a relationship like this?
2007-06-12 06:56:57 · 9 answers · asked by hazel b grand 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He knows that I am still upset and I know that he is upset. It is not as if he's clueless, just wants to ignore it until it goes away.
2007-06-12 06:59:08 · update #1
Maybe your husband has no valid reason, that is why he prefers not to discuss the problem and just wants it to go away. Unfortunately, whatever that problem is, won't simply go away insofar as you are concerned. You want to have answers, which he can not or is not willing to discuss with you. If you think the problem is no big deal, forget it. It is better to be happy with him rather than dwelling on something that is not really important.
2007-06-18 10:04:40 · answer #1 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HA HA HA, I swear I could have written that!!! We've even been married nine years.
My husband doesn't like confrontation either. He will refuse to discuss a problem and just apologize...pretty much sweeping it under the rug. But then the same issue comes up.
Your husband is probably like mine, and just doesn't want to get into a biitch session.
You can try the two minute rule. This only takes FIVE MINUTES out of your day and can defuse the situation.
You say you want to talk, both of you sit in a quiet place. Start the timer. For two minutes you say exactly what you're upset about. At the end of the two minutes you MUST stop talking. He then waits a full thirty seconds to respond...and then talks for a full two minutes. You then have thirty seconds to sum it up.
Hopefully he will feel less on the spot and you will feel more heard.
2007-06-12 07:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problems that are not resolved can cause animosity towards the other person. I am the way your husband is.... But I have learned that is not healthy. You need to tell your husband that in the future when you two have a disagreement just to discuss it like you would talk about just any other thing. Eventually all the unresolved fights will come back to haunt you two.
2007-06-12 07:12:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhhh...the old "Ostrich with the head in the sand" syndrome.
I feel your frustration. No problem can be solved unless a two way line of communication is present. How else can one avoid making a maistake in the future unless these things are ironed out?
Stand your ground. You must tell him..."No ignoring this one this time". Explain to him you aren't looking for a fight but whatever he did is eating at you and you need to bring it into the open.
maybe addressed in this fashion and the reiteration of you not looking for an argument or fight but some closure would open the door for him to discuss it.
2007-06-12 07:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
married for 17 years and were getting divorce, he never wanted to discuss any issues that we had between us and it left alot of open wounds between us we take marraige classes but he just perfered to sweapunder the carpet.
Good luck with that but remenber you cant change someone with out changing yourself first sit down and have a heart to heart explain why its important to you why you wnat to resolve certain issues and hopefully it will help, communication is vital in a relationship. If you cant communicate with each other it makes hard on the relationship. Good luck
2007-06-12 07:15:00 · answer #5 · answered by ohmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lot of the problems between men and women in relationships result from the different ways that we think and communicate. A mistake many women make, which leads to years of frustration, is expecting men to think like women. I recommend reading Barbara de Angelis's book, "Secret about men every woman should know". it will help you understand your husband's behavior better.
2007-06-12 08:23:40 · answer #6 · answered by icarusvx 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Funny thing about changing people; you can't. What you have right now and for the past 9 years, is what you will have for the rest of your life. If you can be happy with that, fine. If you can't, then you have to change your own living situaiton.
2007-06-12 07:06:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I go through this too...16yrs married, the same thing happens in my house too...I don't know how many times things will come up and he'll get mad cause I'll bring something up that happened awhile ago but I always tell him its not over for me cause it didn't get resolved..it just got swept under the carpet....I feel your pain.....maybe our husbands are long lost brothers ; )
2007-06-12 07:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him what you just told us
2007-06-17 22:05:18 · answer #9 · answered by cheri h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋