Ex causing trouble w/new boyfriend?

Question

I’ve been seeing a great guy for 2 mos. Im divorced and have 2 kids. he’s never been married and has no kids (if that means anything) Last night as I came home from a date I called to check on my daughter and she said her dad was outside waiting for me. To avoid a scene I told boyfriend to drop me off a block away. He was pissed but did it anyway. Then I told my ex that if he ever did that again, I’d file a restraining order. I spoke to boyfriend later on and he told me he liked me and enjoyed my company but that he didn’t need this. That I didn’t not have control of the situation. I told him I took care of it and not to make any hasty decisions. Today I text him and he text back but I could tell he was still pissed. I don't blame if he wouldn't want to see me again. what to do?

Answer 1

Oh goodness...I'm in a situation like that right NOW.

When my current boyfriend and I got together, my ex-husband and I hadn't divorced yet. In fact, our relationship had just entered the truly "over" status...and nothing was ever predictable with him (he used to hit me). We have a daughter, and that was already enough to almost make my new flame leave me alone, but he didn't anticipate what happened the one time he accompanied me to pick my daughter up from her father. When he saw the new guy, he grabbed my daughter, started cursing and yelling, and wouldn't put her down. She started crying, and it took forever for him to let her go. When she finally got into the car, I walked around to the driver's side door, opened it, and he grabbed my arm. Grabbed it so hard the bruises lasted over 2 weeks. I attempted to gas the car while he was clutching my arm, but he wouldn't let go and I almost fell from the car. He kept yelling at me about my new guy, disrespecting him, calling him names, and calling me names as well. This happened after I'd only known him for a WEEK! I didn't know what to do. He felt terrible because he didn't defend me, but he would have been in a shytload of trouble if he got into any altercation (because of his profession), so he stayed in the car. So he was mad for several reasons...and told me that day that he didn't sign up for that...he didn't want to deal with that...I didn't have any control and would never have control over someone so volatile and unstable. He doesn't have kids, has never been married, and doesn't have to deal with this kind of crap. "Baby daddy drama" was not what he anticipated...and wasn't ready to deal with it. He politely told me goodbye, and dropped me off at home. I was devastated.

His mom ended up saving the day, later on telling him how much she liked me. He realized he liked me just that much as well, coming back later and telling me that if anything like that happened again he was leaving me alone for good. So I've just been very careful about how I handle picking up my child, dropping her off, etc. I made it a point to keep my new guy at bay and away from any possible drama that my past may cause. I made my ex-husband (who has no car) make arrangements to come and get our child if he wanted to see her. I also made it a point to make sure that someone was home with him (his mom or sibling) if and when I had to go to his house, to ensure my safety. Since then, over time, things have definitely died down and gotten less dramatic and better...whew. Fact is, you can't control what they do. But if your new guy likes you enough, and doesn't mind dealing with your circumstances, he'll stick around. That doesn't take away from his right to not deal with this kind of situation...dealing not only with a person who has children, but a butthole ex-husband...and you've got to understand that even if he does like you a WHOLE lot, noone has to deal with those kinds of circumstances. Just be sure that you're understanding and honest about how things are, so that he can make the right choice for him. If in the end you guys don't work out, trust me when I say that you will find someone with whom you will work out. Stay encouraged. I hope this helps!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I think it's pretty ridiculous that he would fly off the handle, especially if this is the only occasion.

It sounds like he either has some maturing to do, or really can't handle the situation.

Take care of what you need to to be safe and keep distance from your ex, if that's what you need, and the new boyfriend is just going to have to be understanding.

Keep communication open, it's very important. Tell your new boyfriend exactly why you're making the decisions you are and you'll just have to see if he's understanding or not. Tell him you're having him drop you off a block away because you heard what is happening and don't want a confrontation. Tell him you'll be handling it tonight, an dthat you even told your ex about the restraining order. If he's not understanding, then he's not right for you.

Answer 4

oh honey. i am so sorry. you really need to take care of that ex before you really do anything. your ex had no business waiting outside your home. get a court order for visitation that details transportation and curbside service. there should never be any reason he should ever show up at your house uninvited. EVER!. the judge should let him know any other contact is a violation of such a court order. your dating is none of his business.

and yes...the thought of an ex in his life can be daunting for him. because if he's dating you..he's dating your problems. that's how it is. next time...give the boyfriend the option of leaving you a block away or leaving you at your doorstep. depending on the guy he is...he may have been denied to be the protective partner by not be allowed to access the situation. but then again, he may not be emotionally strong enough to handle such situation. and it's a tough situation to be in. give him some time to access what he wants from the this relationship.

Answer 5

well how long has it been since the divorce? Maybe you need to take more time before you start dating? Or if not, then you should have a serious talk with your ex. If he's just psycho then you should file a restraining order. Don't tell the guy you just started dating about all the problems.. then it does look like you don't have control of the situation.

Answer 6

Take it easy... dating after divorce isn't a walk in the park like teenage dating. First off you need to find someone who is totally sympathetic to your lifestyle, you also need to let the ex know that he no longer controls you. A restraining order is harsh, but i you dont control your own life anymore than it is what needs to be done... Good Luck

Answer 7

You are going to have to ensure that you have the situation under control. As harsh as that sounds, the fact is no one wants to deal with a messy situation like this. Women refuse to deal with men who have " baby momma drama" and likewise with men.
If you believe you can converse with your ex, then maybe you should attempt to talk with him. If you and your ex can't talk, then you should consider a restraining order or something that would keep him from causing more trouble for you.
Fact is you are entitled to date and have a life, but when it comes to ex's you have to often exert your insistence that you are going to live and be happy without them ( a fact they rarely like to face).
I don't know if your current b/f is going to be willing to wait for too long, since he doesn't have this type of issue in his life, this might be a little much for him to deal with. With him, take things slowly. With the ex, he will have to face the fact that it is over, and he can't control who you decide to date now or ever.
I hope things work out for you. I know it can be stressful at first, but you will get this under control soon.

Answer 8

You addressed the situation and handled it well. You did what you did to avoid a confrontation that he should not have been exposed to and you saw to that.
He has no reason to still be annoyed and if he can't get past it then be prepared for more crap that may surface in the relationship if he can't see his way past this one.
You're an adult and handled this problem like one. Your new boyfriend should be able to see that an appreciate it. If he can't...toss him aside. You can always find someone else who appreciates you for who you are and how you handle your problems.
Good luck

Answer 9

You better find a way to convince your new boyfriend that this will not ever happen again and it's going to have to be something more than lip service. I don't blame your boyfriend for not want to be involved in this mess, particularly when he could probably find a girlfriend with zero kids and no psycho ex husband.

Answer 10

it's alot of drama but if he is such a great guy he shoudl be willing to sit down and talk to you about it like an adult. be straight up with him and tell him that you come with 2 kids and some drama and if he is not prepared to handle that then you don't think you can see him again. how's that for taking control? and follow thru on your threat to the ex, this guy may not be the one but you don't need him becoming a pest.