My 13 year-old son takes no initiative, and wants to get by doing as little as possible?

Question

What can I do to get him motivated to WANT to work hard at something, to care about doing a good job, etc.? I don't want him to become one of those teenagers that just doesn't give a crap about applying himself. Does anyone have any SERIOUS advice? Forget "talking" to him, as that goes in one ear and out the other...

Answer 1

Young teens are notoriously lazy and many try to get through by little as possible. Generally, boys are very competitive and thrive on positive reinforcement. I would set some goals and expectations with him for the summer and next school year and offer incentives for good work and behavior. You could start small like with special trips to favorite restaurants with weekly report cards or he could work towards something big like a game system or a bike with a good yearly report. The important is consistency, you have to make sure that you provide advice continually and reward him with verbal praises and his incentives. Good luck, I have been there!

Answer 2

Young teens are notoriously lazy and many try to get through by little as possible. Generally, boys are very competitive and thrive on positive reinforcement. I would set some goals and expectations with him for the summer and next school year and offer incentives for good work and behavior. You could start small like with special trips to favorite restaurants with weekly report cards or he could work towards something big like a game system or a bike with a good yearly report

Answer 3

You are going to have to do everything in your power to reverse this behavior because he will one day be a man, a husband and a father and needs to be prepared for all the challenges that come with that.

Force him. Take away privelages and anything fun to him if he doesn't do his chores accordingly.

Example: Mow the lawn
If he doesn't do it: No phone for 1 week.
Example: Do his laundry
If he doesn't do it: remove his TV or no TV for a week.

A few weeks of this he will learn to appreciate what he has and that nothing in life comes easy. Also, he will learn that everyone must pull their weight in a family, like a team player.

Answer 4

Nothing. I mean nothing. Stop giving him money to go do things and stop buying him new clothes and dessert and video games, etc. Stop making his dinner. Stop doing his laundry. Tell him that he has to pull his weight in your family and has to earn everything by doing chores and doing his homework. If this doesn't work, I bet he'll shape up the day when all the girls don't want him because he won't get a job and doesn't have any money to take them out or buy a car.

Answer 5

Sounds like me when I was younger.
Anyway, is he really interested in something? Even if it's not school-related? Like music, soccer, art, snake, etc.? If so, get him some fun, easy-to read books, or find some really cool sites on the topic. He may realize a job that has to do with that interest, and will realize that he needs to work a little harder in everything, including school, if he ever wants to achieve that profession. Worked for my parents ane me.

Answer 6

Tricky one. Yes, you should tell the truth - but in a PG-13 way, in a way that is appropriate for his maturity level. If he had been a few years younger I would have suggested simply saying that the friend doesn't like your ex, they had an argument once, so that is why he isn't invited. That it's not your secret to tell, it's something his father should tell him. Also, tell the whole truth - that this is why you and your ex broke up, but that his father still loves him and it shouldn't affect his relationship with his father.

Answer 7

Did this attitude just start this year? Or has it always been there and you ignored it? He has to know that you mean exactly what you say when you say it.......don't give him punishments and then feel sorry for him and lessen up on them. It is feeding him the wrong message. Be solid be effective and MEAN IT. Taking away privileges is a good source for motivation but MOM has to mean it and never give him. Just make sure your punishments fit the crime and that you don't go over board with one to where you wish you hadn't made it such a long one........know what I mean? Good luck, Mom!

Answer 8

I have 4 kids and use a responsibility chart at home. Each day the kids can not do anything until the 3 or 4 things on the chart are done. I mean nothing. No TV, friends over, outdoor play...nothing.
The biggest trick though is doing the tasks with them the first couple of times. Telling someone to do something never really works unless you are willing to show them the right way to do it.
Also reward his efforts with paise!

Answer 9

1] don't give him an allowance or any other money until he earns it
2] don't chauffer him anywhere until he earns it
3] notify him of minimum requirements for you to sign consent for driving permit - such as a 3.0 average, clean school and behavior record, positive, respectful attitude, etc. He can't get one without your consent until he is 18.
4] make a list of minimum requirements, behavior and performance.
a] daily chores should take 1/2 hour per day - mon, clean bathroom, tues - bedroom, wed - scrub counters or oven or fridge; thurs - sweep or vacuum, fri - mow, rake, weed, or shovel.
b] should be polite, refrain from cursing, use good table manners, etc.
5] make him do volunteer work at a homeless shelter, habitat for humanity, soup kitchen, etc.

Answer 10

have him volunteer at a homeless shelter or something different, show him what can happen if he doesn't work hard (not saying all homeless people don't work hard, i know some got a bad break). Show him the value of money, make him buy the things he wants or earn them by doing chores.