Poem, how is it? Anything need fixing?

Question

There she sat, by the rivers bank.
Pondering what to do next.
Gazing arcoss the raging waters, to the forest that lay across the bend.
She began to conieve a plan.
A dark and lonely forest.
Not one bird sang its hymn.
There she stood,
On the other side of the forest.
Staring at the congeration afar,
admiring the sunset.
Wishing she was part.
She awoke, in her bed.
No longer dreaming of a journey,
that she never even had.
The mornings sun a sunnder,
her dreams like the morning wind.
She took one step out of bed,
To let the real journey began.
Not so exiciting, not so mysterious but still something.
Still a journey, still a trip.
Let the voyage unravel.
Let the days commence.
She sits alone, not wanting any friends.
Considers her eduction vital, but love a simple need.
She graduates with honors, easily she succeeds.
At the end of her journey she stands alone.
No friends no family, gazing at the horzion of an untold dream.

Answer 1

"rivers" needs to be possessive,
conieve isn't a word,
"mornings" must also be possessive,
sunnder isn't a word,
"To let the real journey began" is in the wrong tense,
"Not so exciting, not so mysterious (comma) but still something."
Do you really mean eduction?
You need various commas and other spelling things, otherwise. I didn't point them all out.

I think it's okay. Maybe you should make the corrections to spelling and such and leave it be for a couple days, then approach it again with a fresh mind.

-Qw33n

Answer 2

Nice short poem with an excellent analogy and a complex implied metaphor.
This inversion of 'dream' is simply an excellent instance of irony of situation:

At the end of her journey she stands alone.
No friends no family, gazing at the horizon of an untold dream.

What needs fixing:
spellings:
- horzion, arcoss, conieve, congeration, a sunnder, exiciting etc.

If you fix these and reconsider periods, in my view, this would be a very powerful poem.


Good luck

Answer 3

You should break up the poem into two stanzas, one for her dream, and one for reality. You spelled asunder wrong, but other than that, I think it's okay. It sounds like it would be great song lyric material, like "She Let Herself Go," by George Strait, which I'm listening to right now. Keep up the good work. 7/10

Answer 4

I think this would be a better short story it is kind of choppy in places but as far as content goes I really like the content!
Taylor