hello, ok well i affecinitly named my b/f's family the Jerry Springer family (= we are getting married in a year and i'm worried...his mother is a drunk and has lost her mind literaly we went at it even though i tried to hold my tounge knowing i will marry into this family...well now things suck she has been trying to kick my b/f out for no reason since the day i met him we are trying to save for the wedding and i dont want to move in togther until then...but ithink i might have to change that she is getting worse and degrades my b/f all the time to top it off she got my b/f's brother to hate both of us...i didnt do anything seriously she is crazy...my question is can marrieges surivie crazy insane meen families? i love him and he loves me but somtimes i get so over welmed with their drama i dont think i can do it! so yea can it last...and tips on how to deal..i already decided i'm not talking to her anymore i tried to be civilized but that failed.
sorry for spelling, i typed fast.
2007-06-12 04:39:05 · 18 answers · asked by lovely 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW!! Sounds like the same thing I went threw about 13 years ago. His mother was also a drunk including 7 out of the 9 siblings were drunks as well. (and him too) Actually what we ended up doing was moved about 2 1/2 hrs away so that he wasn't around his family and of course they wasn't around us. We lived away for about 5 years in the mean time had a child (our miracle baby). Then moved back and that's when everything went down hill. When he got back around his family he turned into what they were. (Drinking and partying all of the time) We broke up 5 years ago and he was murdered (shot) a little over a year ago while out partying with Friends and family over a stupid card game. My suggestion to you is move away and dont come back. You are his new family and not that I'm saying he should never talk to his mother and brother again but to raise your children (if you plan on having any) around that type of life his just no good at all. Our son is 11 now and still talks about the things he seen his grandmother do when she was drunk. Not good not good at all wish I could done things differently now. Good Luck!!!
2007-06-12 05:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by mirclbabe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can still use the spell check - it's only a few clicks of the mouse...
If you want to marry him, go ahead. But I'd move somewhere far away, or you'll have her interfering for as long as she's alive.
One other thing - if you get married, and you're still not sure you can deal with his family... if I was in your shoes, I'd wait at least 5 years to have kids, just to be sure you can deal with them. Once you have kids, getting a divorce and living as a single parent gets about 8 times as hard as it would be if no kids were involved. You know it'll be difficult now being married into this family. It'll be worse if you try to take the kids away.
2007-06-12 04:45:00 · answer #2 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I say its not up to the families about what you two decide to do. If you two have to move in together to stop the crap then do it. I really wouldnt worry about the crazy mom. She has no decision in either of your lives. Been through this and my family is coming around. Just stay strong and show the crazy mother that no matter what she does that she isnt going to break you two up or ruin the marriage and she will finally realize that there is nothing she can do and just give up. It might take a while though so you need to just keep your head up and dont forget that you love him and dont have to love his mother or even tolerate her.
2007-06-12 04:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thing is this (keep reading though) when you marry a person you are marrying their family, meaning you will always have to put up with them unless they die or you kill them whichever comes first. Second, it can work, your fiance needs to tell his mother to get her nose out of his business, and if you are truly in love and want to spend the rest of your life with this man then you will probably need to make some changes in your lives to make it easier to cope with this problem, my best advice would be to get married and move away, I mean pretty far away, like at least several hours, then if you have to see his family it will be in small controlled doses not everyday. Moving to a new place just you and your spouse can be very healthy for a new marriage because it forces you to depend on eachother and not run home to Mama everytime something happens. Well that's my 2 cents.
2007-06-12 04:46:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This marriage can work but the two of you need to talk with a counselor. Your boyfriend has been raised in this environment and the first thing I suggest is that the two of you keep booze out of your lives. When the two of you marry you are then a family and you need to move away from these dysfunctional people and set rules to live a normal life! When you have children you do not want them exposed to all of this drama in their life! Both of you need to hook up with some alanon meetings and learn how to deal with his drunken mother. Refuse to have them in your lives if they can't get straight and act civil! The number 1 rule here is to not let his family affect your lives. In marriage and having a family will be about the two of you now and they cannot put their attitudes and problems on you guy's. Refuse to connect with any of them if they can't be right because you will not have this crap going on in your marriage! You cannot trust a drunk to ever be left alone with your future children and your boyfriend will have to be emotionally stable realizing why you both need to disconnect! He has to be with you in wanting more out of life than the family he was dealt with.......And you will never tollerate the life style that he was raised in. I feel your boyfriend needs to get out of that invironment as soon as possible! Maybe the two of you could connect with a good church? This can help keep marriages strong and in that find good friends to help support your relationship? Good luck sweetie I wish you both the best sweetie.
2007-06-12 05:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have some crazy in-laws so I can relate. The best way to deal is not deal w/the drama. Your b/f might have to separate some ties to his family for a while until things cool down. That's what my husband and I did and it has worked thus far. Once he does that, his family will get the message that the two of you are not going to put up w/the drama.
2007-06-12 04:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by Deana S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like she has a very strong bond with her son either. When you are married the 2 of you need to focus on each other and that's it. Yeah his family are always going to be around in some capacity but the more focused yo are on each other and keep the communication between the 2 of you open you should be ok. Good luck!
2007-06-12 04:44:07 · answer #7 · answered by linda m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blunt she never said how old he is.He could be 19 for all we know so your answer was ignorant and unthought out.As for the others who say you are marrying his family,Well thats a bunch of B.S. Apple trees might produce apples but not all of them are rotten and I am sure this guy is being stereotyped by some of you because his family is dysfunctional.
As for the question at hand,Well you don't have to live with his family and it sounds as if he doesn't intend to live with them either.Do yourself a favor and don't save for an extravagent wedding.It sounds as if it would just be a disaster anyway.Elope and use the money you save to get your own place even if it is just an apartment.He will be your family then and you do not have to deal with his unless if he pushes them on you.
2007-06-12 04:47:43 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Bling 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you feel this way now, it will just get worse after you're married and it could ruin your marriage. Ask your boyfriend how often you need to see his family once your married. If that number sounds like you can tolerate it, go for it, if not, you better get out of this nutty family while you have a chance.
2007-06-12 08:03:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life. Ask your parents if they are happy with what you have chosen as your soul mate. They have your best interest at heart. I would be willing to bet they would give anything to get you out of this. You are marrying a very dysfunctional family, Do you really believe you can take him from his Mother. Think again.
2007-06-12 04:45:07 · answer #10 · answered by New Nana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋