Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these phrases?

Question

1. Oh, gee. I care so little, I almost passed out.
2. And by business trip I mean golf weekend,of course.
3. I'll be right there.... I have to throw up first.
4. If I was wearing a Mood Ring right now, it would be black.
5. Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of my mother! How can I use this to my advantage?
6. And in my dream you were saying the Gettysburg Address........Do you even KNOW it?

Answer 1

D'abam Beckid, former sportsman of the year and winner of best loaded jockstarp for the last four consecutive seasons was waiting as patiently as he could... his Wife was doing what she did best, as he saw it, that is she was doing very little with great fanfair and very little progress. He tried to encourage a bit more speed out of her:

"c'mon sweety, we are going to be late..." he started, but she cut she off sharply.

"Oh gee, i care so Little, I almost Passed out D'abam! and you didnt even notice! Im going to JUST DIE with out this operation and you...YOU! will not even talk about it! Im going to the Bog so your going to hav to wait." She skulked up the stairs, which took her about five minutes ( there were rather a lot of them) puntuated by the occasional lower working class muttering that he had grown so used to.

The White marble, eighty room former royal palace was, he reflected darkly, still not big enough. The whole point of buying it had been to stop his wifes endless nagging...and to try to keep at least five rooms and a hundred yards between them at all times. His Agent had advised he marry the former pop singer and fashion icon, that had been 5 years, a nose job, twenty seven lipo-sucks and a oil tanker of botox ago. Waiting by the vast front door for her had become his favorite part of their marriage... she had to open a new wing of the towm hospital STD clinic in ten minutes and it was at least a fifteen minute drive away... the minutes ticked by.

"Honey! We are going to be late!" he called up to the fist floor landing. He just made out her course reply...

"Whatcha want ? Oh Bleedin Hell, I'll be right there, I have to throw up first..." she called back between induced vomits.

So he waited...He liked to pass his time waiting for Nicky (while his wife tried to shed those last few ounces required to fit into het little black dress) chatting to his Golf coach on his razor thin mobile , a gloriously loverly former "Glamour" model called Wonda who had been helping him with his swing...and had curves rather then edges...He kept his voice low but didnt need to whiper, the coughing and wretching was about to start so he had little reason to worry.

"...Lets just say that If I was wearing a mood ring right now , it would be black....Yes, she is in the toilet right now....no, im going to make my excuses and head on over to your pad in about three hours... yes, all she knows is that im away on a buisness trip after the opening... no, i told her it was a possible transfer to Skegness United ... yes, friday to monday...wait." He paused briefly to listen... no, she was still at it upstairs. He returned his attention to the phone, a ghastly slim line top of the range machine his wife and given him to remember her by, if anything it was fatter then she was...despite neading a pin to dial any number owing to the one milimeter keypad, he hated it but it had its uses...kinda like Nicky.

"Sorry Wanda, you still with me pet?... oh, ok babe... No i just told her that, there is no real meeting its a false buisness trip ...And by Buisiness trip i mean Golf Weekend, of course... ok. yup, love you too hun, bye "

She was now done with her last minute weight control, he could hear her comming and he noted she was babbling to one of her friends on her mobile, the mindless babble would continue non stop now, all the way down the stairs she went on and on, not hardly stopping for breath. He didnt mind, it saved having to make polite conversation with her. his mind caught snatches of non related gibberish all the way to the hospital... between his momentary thoughts Of Wanda and a favorite bunker on the 9th...

"Oh my God, The Janitors Afraid of my mother!...how can i use this to my advantage?... Oh c'mon Ging'er..." Nicky whittered on. "yes! I told cha it would be ten grand!...And in my dream you were saying the Gettysburg Address...Do you even KNOW it?... Naaaa, ya cheeky cow!..."

D'abam smiled as he drove along and silently thought to himself..." hrrrrm, that long par five on the 9th iI think...Dog leg right with a deep bunker, a bottle of Bolinger and a tub of strawberies and cream.... I wonder if my new wood will be up to it?....".

Wedded bliss, he was feeling happy again... he might even give Nicky the five hundred grand for the operation to grind an extra inch of her hips...It would keep her away in switzerland for at least a month and the Open at Glen Eagles was fast approaching.

Answer 2

At lunchtime in the office, the group of colleagues were sitting talking about their weekend plans....
"...and by business trip, I mean golf weekend, of course" said Brian. "Anyone's welcome to come along too". Ryan smiled back, said he'd think about it, and as Brian walked out the room, grimaced. "I'll be right there" he muttered. "I just have to throw up first."
He sat at his disk pondering his dilemma, and considered to himself that "If I was wearing a Mood Ring right now, it would be black." Because the night before, he had found out something that threatened to tear his life apart. And, okay, his first reaction had been to think happily, "Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of my mother! How can I use this to my advantage?" Later, though, the true horror of the situation dawned on him. This news threatened to tear his whole life apart. And when he had tried to seek advice from his brother, the only other person who could possibly understand the consequences of this news, his only reaction was to look plausibly concerned for a second and then turn around and say, rather scathingly Ryan thought, "Oh, gee. I care so little, I almost passed out."
He found his mind wandering during the day, and only later did he recall a conversation with someone, which he had found puerile and irritating at the time, which had consisted of something along the lines of "...and in my dream, you were saying the Gettysbury Address.......Do you even KNOW it?..."
"That's it!" thought Ryan. "That's the key to solving the whole problem!"...

Answer 3

Col. Mustard ,could you be any more deranged That Polish maid is making eyes at you ,again in the library. by the way,The only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall. Well Are we having fun yet?

Answer 4

Yes, I probably could. Now, please answer this: What would my motivation be?

Answer 5

No, I cannot.

Can you?


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