I have made the biggest mistake of my life. Help please?

Question

I left my abusive husband of 23 yrs. ....verbally, mentally, and emotional abuse......I thought I had met my soulmate and left.
After 2 yrs. living with this man, I have discovered that he is ten times more controlling and is somewhat physically abusive and threatening at times. I fell in love I thought, for the first time. I fell in love with his good side. For 2 yrs. prior to our living together, he was the "perfect" person. Very romantic. Very attentive. No showing of a temper. No showing of male chauvinistic tendencies....nothing but love and laughter. You may think I just didn't see the bad side but that is not true. No inkling whatsoever, I promise. He cooked for me, wrote me love letters, sang to me, went everywhere with me, complimented me always, brought me coffee, brushed my hair and massaged my back , baked me a birthday cake, gave me jewelry, sat on the beach with me,....you get it right? Coming from a totally inattentive husband, you can see why I fell for him

My question is do I stay and where do I go? My father sexually abused me and was an alcoholic. My mother is controlling. My ex? Not. I have no money.....zilch. This man that I left my abusive husband for does not have a temper everyday. It is only when he is jealous of someone talking to me or thinks that I don't love him enough. My problem is no where to go, no money, and I love him. I had never fell in love before now and the lie that he led me to believe really hurts.....he led me to believe he was this cool happy guy who would treat me like a princess the rest of my life......but now he gets mad and threatens me and scares me from time to time......what do I do? He is so Dr. Jeklyll and Dr. Hyde. And the "good side" is what I have longed for my whole life. As long as I don't make him upset, then everything is ok. What should I do? Work it out or not. I am 45 and he is 50.

Answer 1

You absolutely DID NOT make the biggest mistake in your life!!!!
Just leave the guy--you left your ex so you know how.
And don't buy into the propaganda that a woman needs a man to be happy.

Answer 2

So what is your question?

Well, whatever it is, you need to stop beating yourself up over this. THAT is the problem. The fact is that you DIDN'T make the biggest mistake of your life. You made the biggest mistake of your life when you stayed with an abusive husband for 23 years and wrecked your self esteem. The self esteem is the problem, but there is no sense crying over spilled milk now. Leave the new loser. He tricked you. That makes HIM bad, not you. It happens. It is not your fault. Then get out there on your own, pay a visit to your doctor and tell him what happened, and then get a referral to a therapist. You really need some help rebuilding your esteem and self respect, and you'll want to do this FIRST before you start looking for a real man who will treat you right. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am not sure what your question is exactly, but if you are just asking if you made a huge mistake, I would say "Yes" only if you do not learn from this life lesson. The grass is not always greener. My wife of 10 years is divorcing me to be with her soulmate who she has a spiritual affinity with. She will not even give our marriage a second chance, even though she tells me that I have been such a wonderful husband, father, friend, etc. In the end, I can not control her and I want her to be happy in life, so I feel I need to let her go. However, I know that she will find out down the road that marriage is not something you casually enter or leave as your feelings increase/wane.

Answer 4

It is hard to get out of an abusive relationship, and you are stong for doing it once! i hate to say this, but i think it is time to do it again! You should have friends and family come over and help you move your stuff out! Dont do anything yourself! you dont know what he will do! Stay with friends or family they can be a great support! you seem like a really smart woman! You can do it! Be safe!

Answer 5

Leave him, simple. I surely hope you aren't planning on going back to your ex either. Don't ever stay with someone who is abusive, it is better to be alone. My advice is to try to go for a totally different kind of guy. If he seems like someone you would be interested in, keep looking. It is hard to do but you can't live your life with abusive men.

Answer 6

So you jumped from the frying pan into the fire! Now you need to be alone! You need to heal from what you've been through and figure out why you keep choosing bad men and why you would take such abuse for so long! You don't need a man in your life, you need peace! You need to be independant and in control of your life! Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

It's good you realize that things are screwed up and you don't belong there. Many, many women (and men too, for that matter) just resign themselves to a live of abuse and stay. Sounds like you've got another abuser to leave. Leave and don't look back but please realize that not all men are like these morons. There really are good men out there who will treat you with love, respect, and kindness. And whatever you do, please don't lose your ability to trust - if you do that' you've lost part of your humanity along with it.

Answer 8

You have made some mistakes, but you can still make them right. You can leave that idiot, and if you are worried about nowhere to go and no money, there are people out there to help. look up your local battered womens center, or go to a local church, and there will be someone to help. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

What changed all that after 2 years?

Answer 10

Sounds like you need a personal attendant more than a partner!