Should I leave?

Question

My wife and I have been married a year. We were young when we got married but in love, we have two beautiful twin boys and I really love my family. But once my wife and i got married our life went to the pits, we fight alot, and she doesn't have sex with me any more, maybe once ever 3-4 months. Im not sure what I should do, should I leave or should I stay?

Answer 1

There are good times and there are bad. Once children come into the picture a couple's life changes. You are no longer her #1 priority, the kids are, and she is no longer your #1 priority, your kids are. You need to find the time for both of you to be alone. Not having sex with you often is common. When you do not have kids you can hump like rabbits because you are concentrating on the sex, but when kids come into the picture, there is this enormous responsibility that is always looming in your head. The desire for sex is no longer there (especially for women) until the kids are old enough and fend for themselves so by your late 40's you should be humping like rabbits again (at least that's what I hope for). Anyway, if the situation is that bad try to talk things out or go to counseling if needed. Do not leave, that would be stupid at this point - don't jump the gun.

Answer 2

Man, it's a sad commentary when instead of working things out with each other through love, honesty and open communication, the first instinct is to leave, especially when there are children involved.


Marriage is a continued journey that has ups and downs that never ends. What you two should do is re-dedicate yourselves to finding what attracted the two of you to each other. Schedule a baby-sitter (in-laws, relatives, etc.) once a week, and have a night where it is only the two of you.

Sit down, and talk to each other openly and honestly about what has caused you to lose your smiles; don't be offended by what comes out, because you WANT her to tell you the problem, and work on that.

You don't need a counselor that will charge you $100-200 an hour when all you'll do is talk to each other. You can do that at home for free. And you definitely don't need a divorce lawyer. You need each other, and there's no reason why you two can't rediscover the love and genuine happiness that brought the both of you together in the first place.

Maybe she misses spending time with her girlfriends or sisters or relatives. Surprise her by inviting her family or friends over to the house, while you and the guys go play golf. Get her and her sisters, mom, etc. a half day at the spa so she has time to herself.

Plan a weekend trip with just the two of you, or with the kids, and don't base it on how much the hotel will cost, or how close it is to the beach, etc.

Just don't let your initial reaction be to leave. You still have the fire for each other, you just need to find the gasoline that will ignite it again.

Good luck.

Answer 3

There was something that brought the 2 of you together. Try to find that again.

Talk to her about how you feel but don't threaten to leave because that will only put her on the defence. Maybe seeking counselling would be a good idea.

Try planning a very romantic night to surprise your wife with, flowers, dinner.... whatever you can think of that would impress her. Show her that you still love her. When life gets stuck in spin cycle it's important to reconnect and let each other know that you still care about the relationship and making it better. A night like that might get the ball rolling for some action too.

Hope things work out for you, your wife, and your beautiful boys!!!!

PS. How old are your boys? After having twins, maybe your wife is having issues about feeling sexy. That could be a problem for your sex life. Women usually need to feel sexy to be in the mood.

Answer 4

I think you should stay and have a bit of sympathy for your wife coping with twin boys. It must be absolutely knackering for her and I should think it would be at least a year before she felt well enough to have sex with you again. Let her know you still want her, but also that you understand how tiring her life is and you can just relieve yourself whenever you feel the need until she is ready. But don't stop kissing and cuddling her as much as you can. And give her as much help with the twins as you can too. Try very hard not to fight a this is so damaging to a marriage at a time when both of you are tired and emotionally shattered. Your marriage will be all the stronger for it when she is ready for something more physical - and I promise you she will be if you let her know how loved and wanted she is.

Answer 5

If you were young when you married then you are still young. As you have only been married a year.
The biggest mistake couples make when marrying is one or both feel as though they can change the other. If you loved each other for exactly who you both were then things shouldn't change now. I am a firm believer in fighting for a marriage. I feel like jumping straight to a divorce is a coward's way out. I suggest going to see someone. A marriage counselor, a priest.
You can hire someone to watch your boys and have an adult night talking to your wife about the problems in your marriage. Be careful with your words. Do not accuse and do not do the "you this" "you that". Keep it as "I feel" or "how do you feel".
Good luck to you and your family and I do hope you all the best and hope you can resolve things.

Answer 6

I just answered a question from a woman who doesn't want sex anymore and has twin boys. Is your wife on here?

You should give your marriage the benefit of the doubt and try to repair it long before you consider separation.
Try this.
First, calm down. Don't start an argument, and don't take the bait if she starts one. If a conflict comes up, immediately say to her that you want to find agreement or a compromise on the issue. And then pick every word very carefully, and if she says something offensive to you, ignore it. Tell her that you want both of you to handle disagreements by caring more about the marriage and the love between you than winning some argument or letting it get heated.
It's all about changing the style of communication, and learning the skills to conflict resolution. Yes, they are skills that people learn! (or don't)
Once you begin to try to work together again instead of on opposing sides, the sex will probably fix itself, as the sex problem is a direct result of the other.

Answer 7

You are still young, and you have ONLY been married a year. One year. First, just to highlight...you have twins. No, you are not going to get a lot of sex. I'm surprised that you are not exausted. You're lucky you don't have tripplets. You need to find out WHY you are fighting so much. You haven't really given any reason WHY your marriage is sooo bad. If you're fighting, yes this doesn't really do great things for the relationship...and more than likely you might be taking off and avoiding going home and spending time with her and the kids. I would highly recommend marriage counceling...NOW. You can find a low cost minister who is licensed or certified in the are of counseling couples. You two need to get over this hump. It takes 2 to work things out and compromise.

Answer 8

I am a 24 year old female so if you are around the same age we can relate since you say you are very young. Here is my opiinion. Stay especially since you have children together. Sit down and make the time even though it may be hard with children. The marriage is still new and deep down there still is a fire burning in the both of you and maybe she just needs something to rekindle your relationship. When the kids are asleep is the best time. All you can do is be honest and explain how you feel. It seems you have too much to loose just to throw it all away. I wish you the best of luck and you still have so much time to work things out.

Answer 9

Nobody said that marriage would be easy. And it's gonna be even harder since ya'll were young when you got together. Don't give up on it. Try talking to her, maybe find out what the problem is. Try counceling... Try taking a night and getting the kids a baby-sitter and set up the most romantic night for the two of you. It may or may not lead to sex, but it would probably be a good start for you two to begin being closer again. I hope I helped and I wish you and your family the best of luck!

Answer 10

The question is not if you should leave or not. The question should be, can this be fixed. It can if you want. Is it worth it? Of course it is. You guys needed couselling before marriage but it's not too late. You've fallen into a pattern of bickering and now it's time to work your way out of it. It's just like a habit for both of you. I've been there and I've regretted every second of it, because I'd complain about some very minor things. ----- It's both of you doing this ---- but you have the power yourself to change it around one step at a time.