Ok so heres the deal. My husband and I got married at 19 right after high school graduation. Two months before graduation I had given birth to his twin boys. Before we had been dating since we were both in 8th grade, we started having sex my junior year in high school. It was nice, all the time and I was really attracted to him. Once we got married though somethings started changing. We would have sex maybe every 3 months. It wasnt him either, it was me! I just have not wanted to have sex. I feel that im not as attracted to him as I use to be. Im not sure if thats the problem but something is really wrong here. How can I go from non stop heated sex life to nothing at all. I feel that I am doing him wrong but I just can't force myself to have sex with him just to make him feel better. I wan't to have the urge again. What should I do?
2007-06-12 02:41:36 · 27 answers · asked by Brandy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PLEASE READ THIS!! I do not know you and I do not know your husband - however I did answer the question your husband posted only to find out you had posted a similar question. I saw the answer you gave your husband and I can understand your anger. I would have a knee jerk angry reaction too, but it is apparent that he wants advice on how to fix things. I am a 31 yr old married woman (married for almost 7 yrs now) with a 4 yr old daughter. I understand your feelings on sex at the moment.
Marriage is hard work especially when one feels that you give more than you take. I urge you and your husband to sit and talk and use the same advice I gave him (please read the answer given to your husband) Communication is key to a marriage as my marriage almost fell apart from the the lack thereof. Fight for your marriage as it is obvious from both of you that you really want it to work. I do wish you both the very best of luck and hope you both try to at least communicate. Your family is what you have now and there is nothing more important to fight for than your family!!
2007-06-12 05:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by Jackie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Brandy
One thing you said, was that you didn't feel you were attracted to him as you once were. Well I have to say this is part of marriage where many of the lust and passion wears off. Also sometimes as we get older we find that the person who gave us what we needed doesn't really do it for us any longer. You were very young with two got together and now you're at a different stage in your life. You do need to ask yourself if your feelings have changed and how significant.
Now you said you want to have that urge again. Well, I would suggest spicing it up a bit. Different positions, different places, wear outfits...do everything you feel you need to put spice back into the marriage.
If all else fails and you want to stay in the marriage. I would sugges marriage counseling. Go speak to a professional or a pastor & professional. This may help open up speaking space for you both.
Good Luck
2007-06-12 09:47:30 · answer #2 · answered by kaiynasha 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Good question... let me know when you find out..married for 8 years and three kiddos.. I just figure it's hormones and tiredness. There are alot of hebs you can try, but so far nothing has put me right back into the mood. Might have to start drinking:) Just kidding, maybe you and he should reintroduce yourselves, your not the same people you were when you got married so try looking at him in a fresh perspective. Maybe play some games, go out make yourself feel sexy... if you don't feel sexy then sex isn't reallya priority. Thats what I try to do when I feel like we have fallen in a slump.
2007-06-12 09:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by Dusty 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, but after a few years of marriage my wife did the same thing. She does not see herself as attactive, even thou I tell her. This have been going on for years now. Sex for us is about every 2 wks, usually I can't take much more. But we have gone 6-8 wks. About the only time she changes is when we have gone away just the two of us [NO KIDS]. But, if we are gone more then a few days, she goes back to not wanting sex. I have learned to live with it, but, I think I am uncommon in that reguard. GET HELP, for both you & him. Your married now, the problems of one are cared by both now.
2007-06-12 10:00:14 · answer #4 · answered by BTP 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pay attention to your woman's intuition. Whether you want to believe it or not, the reason why people have the desire to have sex is have children. That's what the desire is for-to procreate. It gets deeper....
You not only want to have no children with your husband, but your body is telling you that you don't want to have sex because of possibility that you may become pregnant. That's why there is no desire for your husband. You can't fake it. You no longer see any qualities in your husband that make him a suitable sex partner. Do you have the desire to have sex at all or just not with him? That's a tough question only you can answer. good luck with that
2007-06-12 09:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by YBMEUBU 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you on birth control? if you are talk to your doctor, some of the side effects are lowered sex drive. You can talk to them about getting something that wont effect you this way. Other than that, it might just be the stress from having 2 young children, the consequence of sex. I know after I had my daughter I was scared to death I would get pregnant again. that killed my sex drive. Good luck
2007-06-12 10:03:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
try new thing in the bedroom ,try new position make some up .try anal if u havent already. get some sex toys ,try hot body wax u might like that it feels great also ur married do a lot of oral sex satasfie ur man hunny if u wont believe me somebody will . get some wine or some type of liquor to get u in the mood it might work . be freaky with it good luck
2007-06-12 09:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've messed up big time, haven't you ? Don't love your husband, thinking about having an affair, two young kids(funny how you say you gave birth to "his twin boys" , not "our twin boys" or was there a chance they could have been someone elses ? ). What did you expect to happen ? Fairy tale romance ? Welcome to real life. You wanted to play grown-up ? No longer a game, is it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, grow up, and make the best of what you've got. You have to think of your children, of your family. It's a tough road you've chosen, but it does get better if you put the effort in. Good luck.
2007-06-12 09:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by =42 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
This may sound weird, but I think it's not just men that are programmed to vary the gene pool.
I think a lot of women get turned off by men after they have their kids.
I remember feeling the same way as you do now.
What can be done?
Think of him as your lover, not a dad, not a husband...but a lover.
2007-06-12 09:46:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sex is like the greatest roller coaster in the world, but any ride gets to be old if it is the same thing over and over. Its not you or him, its just human nature. As we get older, we have to look for other things to entertain ourselves. We men tend to want what we can't have, and sex with our wifes is something we can have. Its just part of normal human behavior.
2007-06-12 09:45:03 · answer #10 · answered by Steve C 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋