Just wanted to tell how I was feeling. I'm leaving my husband today after he goes to work, he doesn't know I'm leaving. Don't worry he's not Mr.Wonderful. He's treated me badly for 2 years since we've been married & 3 months ago we had a physical fight & I ended up with all the bruises. No cops were involved because they made situation worse when we called them before (it's military, should speak for itself). So I went stayed with parents for 3 months and came back 2 weeks ago to get my personal belongings. I'm doing this all alone with no help from anyone. I'm scared to death. As soon as he leaves I'm going to get boxes and come back go, I should be with my parents again by the time he gets back. My question is, should I at least leave my husband a note? His cell number is on my contract, should I keep his number turned on till he gets a new cell?This is my first marriage...What should I do when I leave? Tried (7 times) to tell him before that it's not working & he won't listen
2007-06-12 01:16:12 · 15 answers · asked by ladyluck 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well if that was the kind of relationship you both had I can say that yes you will be ok now going to your partents house...will it be safe? thats the real question here...make sure that what ever you do is for the better and safety of your parents and yours... and if i were you no i would not leave his # on...
2007-06-12 01:21:29 · answer #1 · answered by starlight♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you ; ( You are doing the right thing. You just have to stick to it. It is going to be hard but stick to your plan and be smart about it. If you leavea note, he may become outraged with or without a note. The fact that you left is going to push him over. He is going to act a fool. Make your police department aware in your area of the possible circumstances that may come. Or he simply may not care. As far as the cell phone, cut it off. He may pass the phone around to friends to use and have you pay the bill in the end. Some people act stupid and trust me he will act a fool sooner or later. Don't be surprised that he will come over to your parents house and put on a performance so beware. You have to think two steps ahead of him. If you work, tell your boss what is happening. So everyone can be aware. Be smart. If you get off work late have someone at home wait for you until you get in. Make all your necessary arrangements. Pray and stay focus. Get all your things as quickly as possible. If you can't...its materialistic things you can buy it again. Your life is more imporatant than a pair of jeans or a television. Those items can be replaced but you can not. Be safe, be smart and stay focused.
2007-06-12 12:09:01 · answer #2 · answered by DJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you are probably feeling bad about the breakup of your marriage, you are doing the right thing. If he has not been good to you and has been physical you definitely have to go. This is no life for you. Everyone needs to be treated the way they want to be treated. I give you a lot of credit in your decision - some woman stay because they are afraid and are hurt and abused the rest of their lives. Just get to know yourself now and don't make the mistake of running to another man!!!! I would leave a note explaining how I felt and as far as his cell, tell him you plan to have the service cut in a week so that he can go get his own phone. You are doing what you have to to take care of yourself and you are going to make it!! Good luck!!
2007-06-12 09:55:44 · answer #3 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave a note might just make him react irrationally. Try not to disturb anything in the house that will allow him to know that you were there.
When you are back home. Write a letter explaining your position. Do not get emotional in your letter. Do not antagonize him in your letter. Just tell him you are sorry that your marriage failed, but you are through and he will be recieving papers for his signature as soon as they are filed.
I think you may want to go to the police in your home town in the place you are living now and apply for a restraining order because your husband may come after you. You will want your situation on file at the local law enforcement office.
Hire a divorce attorney where you are currently living and start divorce proceedings as soon as possible.
Have the divorce attorney send an official letter to your husband laying out the next steps. Ask your husband to get his own divorce attorney so the two attorneys can work everything out.
In the letter talk about his cell phone contract being cancelled since it is in your name. Tell him he needs to get his own contract and give him the date his cell phone will be taken off your contract.
Tell him to write you back, because you will not be talking to him by phone or email or in person.
Tell him to move on with his life without you in it.
Pray
Hope everything works out for you.
Sorry you have to go through this. It is better though to end it now than continue in a bad situation that is only likely to get worse.
2007-06-12 08:35:14 · answer #4 · answered by Toosense2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you're completely gone before he gets home! Don't worry about leaving a note, worry about getting out safely, first. If you think you have time for a note, then write two sentences. 1) I had to leave you because of your abuse and 2) I do not want you to contact me. Once at your parents house, get a restrainer order and seek the advice of an attorney. Good luck. Yes, you will be fine. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to leave an abusive situation.
2007-06-12 08:30:01 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loudly applaud you for your courage and the decision you are making. Your husband is an abusive clod, and NO ONE deserves that. You are being so strong and taking care of yourself to make sure you are out of that situation. Bravo! YOU will be FINE! And stronger for it!
As far as the note and cell, yeah, you might want to leave a short note saying you've tried to talk to him; this is your decision and that's it. Leave no opening for him to try to get you back. If you want, you can tell him he's got a week or two to get a new cell - after said timeframe, you're gonna have it turned off (so basically he had better get a new phone if he wants to have one). Don't give in. He will come begging for you to come back, claiming he's changed. DON'T fall for it. Those are "guys lies" - not to bash men, but there are some things that are typical fallbacks for men who abuse women, and #1 is: "I promise I'll change". People like that WON'T change FOR you...they can only change their behavior if THEY want to, and need to PROVE change to get back in your life...through therapy, anger management, etc. Not just a week goes by, and "Oh I've changed so much"...no. Take care of yourself...be PROUD of yourself...best of luck to you sweetie! :) (Write me if you want - I'd like to know how you're doing.)
2007-06-12 08:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by smallweed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweety let me tell you that every failure in life will mould you in that perfect structure that God wants you to be, and you are not alone there is thousands of women all over the world that is doing the same.So remember who was you best friend and go and chat with her / him. And remember tomorrow is a new day with new beginnings.He is not worth you love and respect cause what is there to hit on a woman.You are doing the right thing and you will find some1 that will love and respect you for who and what you are that will worship the ground that you walk on.
Just be patient he is coming,.And you are stronger than you think you will survive and became even a much stronger person.
2007-06-12 08:27:15 · answer #7 · answered by bedroomeyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi honey
try and keep your chin up .he sounds like an @SS .your right the police ;are a wast of time .yes do leave hin a message .or a letter .reason being he we get it .and then he will sit down; and think about it .before he doe.s anything else .a 1000 things will ,go through is mind .any man that hits a woman ;is not a real man .find you self a new one .all the best .
2007-06-12 08:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could at least file a police report and if you're lucky you can get a restraining order from him. Just so you can be sure you are protected... Since you already have made a decision... don't forget to pray as well...
2007-06-12 08:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by TiNT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him a note. Tell him NOT to contact you. If he tries to contact you, call the CIVILLIAN authorities. They will be able to assist you. Tell him you are cancelling his cell number from your contract. Sever all ties.
Do not stay with an abuser.
2007-06-12 08:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by Mike 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋