I actually came home and discovered them in bed... going at it! I think she is truly sorry and just got caught up in the passion. Have any of you actually caught your spouse or lover with another person? How did you react?
2007-06-12 00:26:53 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry for you. I only wish that when it happened with my wife it was easily explained as an act of passion getting the best of her. When she did it, she planned it out months ahead of time. I reacted with a full litany of emotions. Everything from grief to anger to the peace that came from knowing that she was not deserving of the love I gave to her. An act of passion is an easy excuse when you are caught with your hand in the cookie jar, but it is still an excuse. The hardest thing for you to do now is to find a way to trust her again. Before you can do that, you need to decide whether or not she is worthy of your trust, or your love. There were times in your relationship when other women made comments to you that you could have taken a bit further, but you didn't. The difference is that you knew that if you took them further, then you might be inviting a moment of passion that could overtake you. When you think about it, you might come to realize that moments of passion don't really 'just happen' do they? She wasn't sitting there thinking about how much she would like to suck your tool when this stranger who looked like you just happened to show up...so she sucked his instead...you know better than that, don't you? She had an affair not because of any momentary lapse of reasoning, but because she had thought about it, and decided that she wanted to do it more than she wanted to stay true to you. Don't let her convince you otherwise, or you will find yourself wondering why you have to forgive her again, and again. If she didn't have what it takes to remain true to you the first time, then each time another man makes a pass at her, it will be that much easier for her to have another momentary lapse of reason thet gets her 'caught up in the passion'.
In your bed? pick up the pieces and move on...without her. This will be the hardest thing you've ever done, and I'm so sorry that you have to do it...but do it you must; or you will face this same situation again, and again.
2007-06-12 00:48:17 · answer #1 · answered by bg4gb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Caught up in the passion? NO. you have bigger maritial problems then just getting caught up in the passion.
First she should never had been alone with him or been in the spot to allow "passion" to flow up.
Sure she is sorry you caught them!
I would be furiouse, hurt, deeply wounded. And I would be looking at counseling and finding out if there have been others and seriously keeping an eye on my spouse for a long time. Trust is a very hard thing to come across and then this!
I'm sorry this happened to you!
2007-06-12 07:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me? You mean to tell me you allowed your wife to have sex with another man in your bed? Yes she feels guilty she got caught. Now what you should think about is what if you never caught her? Then I guess she would get caught up in the moment more often. All you did was say to your wife, it's ok if you want to sleep around with other guys. I don't care if you get pregnant or bring me home a disease. I think the only thing you should be thinking about right now is a divorce. Imagine how many times she has done this that you don't know about. Unless you like being made a fool of.
2007-06-12 07:40:50 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Caught up in the passion? mmmm I think there was some premeditation involved. She had to meet up with the guy somewhere and then they traveled to your home. She may be truly sorry. People do change. But I would put a tight leash on her if I were you, at least for 6 months. And explore what this is about for both of you. Get counseling.
2007-06-12 07:36:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow she has some nerve to cheat on you in your own house and in your own bed!! The excuses of passion don't go too far because if she truly loved you there would only be passion for you!! I can't imagine how you felt or how you reacted but If I were in your shoes I would've been out of control!! I would definitely hurt this girl who had the nerve to come in my home and disrespect me!! And then I'd hurt him for being a cowardly pig!! After that I would probably collapse in tears!! (Geezz good thing that's never happened to me)
2007-06-12 07:51:05 · answer #5 · answered by Traviesa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way your question is phrased reminded me of something that we Freemasons commonly say in our rituals. We pray often that God will "help us subdue discordant passions within us". I think the important thing here is to realize that we are all human, and make stupid mistakes. I am not the sort of guy who blames the victim, but in this case, you need to answer three questions for yourself. First, is there anything you HONESTLY have done that could have helped bring this on? That does not excuse what she did, but it's something that could have a healing effect on you if you go through this exercise. Second, can you forgive her? or, more importantly, do you want to? To honestly forgive omeone is to also forget about it. If you can't forget what she did, then you really can't forgive her. That leads to the last question, and that is...how committed are you to the marriage. Do you want to salvage it, or is this your "ticket out"? I've never been in that situation, so I can't totally relate to your situation, but as a minister, I've certainly sat across the desk from many couples who are in the situation. it's "gut check" time for you and your wife......
2007-06-12 07:41:04 · answer #6 · answered by Dan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't actually see the affair going on but i knew it was...It took a very long time before I could put those hurt feelings aside for the sake of our marriage but if you want to save yours you need to try, don't throw it into her face during arguments, and try to talk calmly and rationally with your wife. Sure she may have gotten caught up in the passion of the moment but these things do tend to be caused by feelings of neglect, or inadequacy...She may have gotten caught up in the whole humdrum circle of marriage, the working, the bills, the kids, the housework, car repairs etc...and felt she needed an escape...Without getting to the bottom of the why...neither one of you will get past this...good luck to you...
2007-06-12 07:36:58 · answer #7 · answered by mamapoulette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know this is a one off? this may of hapenend before. Can you ever trust her again? If you really want to make a go of things with her i think marriage guideance counciling will help you both.
oh and yer ive caught my ex at it with my best friend in a field but i was young and naive i just walked away and believe it or not they see me but carried on anyway! If you love her make it work if not then cut your loses xxx
2007-06-12 07:37:08 · answer #8 · answered by gemma xxxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem awfully calm about it. I've never caught and never been caught. Of course, I know better than to take my lover HOME and do it in the BED I share with my HUSBAND. I think she WANTED to get caught.
2007-06-12 07:31:22 · answer #9 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The only thing she is sorry about is that she got caught. Can you really trust her now - knowing what she does when you are not home? Don't you believe you are worthy of being married to a woman who can stay faithful and whom you can trust?
2007-06-12 07:30:00 · answer #10 · answered by QueenLori 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋