how can i stop people from using me?

Question

whenever someone asks me to help them with something, i give them all my energy and time. i love to help because it makes me feel like i'm not useless, and also i feel that if i help everyone, they will have a positive view toward me. however, when it comes to me needing something, some of these people do not reciprocate. they would be "busy" or have some excuse of not being able to help me. yet, the next time they ask me to do something for them, i still agree to help them. my roommate uses and abuses my car like it's her own, and i still let her use it without saying anything. i think i spend too much time trying to make everyone happy. but then i end up being the one getting frustrated with myself because of how i'm being treated. how do i stop this? thank you for your answers.

i do all i can to help people because i don't want anyone to dislike me because i've said no. i like giving my all because i like the way people react when they realize i went all out for them. i go all out on birthday presents so i can see how happy the other person is when he/she opens her gift. i don't even spend much $ on myself. i can't say no because i feel selfish if i do. I REALLY THINK I NEED HELP.

wow, i'm so scared...i really think i have the codependency issue. do i go see a psychologist or a psychiatrist with this??? i'm really scared...i never thought i would have a psychological issue.

Answer 1

hmm.. ur in luck cuz im here to help =p jk jk!!
i've been thru this and came out a happier & bubblier (is this an actual word??) person.. most importantly, I'm giving and receiving as well.. ^^

I have good newz and bad newz for u.. which one do ya want 1st??

ok, good newz..
u dun have to stop being you.. ^^
cuz u won't be happy if ur not you and u won't be happy if u keep being the way u are.. rite??
either way.. u dun actually have to say NO!! u juz have to learn to love yourself as much as you love the ppl u help.. u get me??
yeh.. u love giving and its all part of ur loving, giving n unselfish nature.. but being you doesn't mean you have to put in your all.. sure it does make ppl happy but trust me, they will be juz as happy as long as you put in a little effort, not all.. but a bit.. (either way, they wudn't know =p cut urself a little slack) and save a little bit of effort for yourself..

"cherish yourself as much as u cherish those around you.. " and pretty soon, you will find there's a whole other way to love and be loved ^^

the ppl who are ur frenz will stick by ur side.. even if u say u dun wanna help them =p (but I doubt u'd eva do that) and the ppl who leave.. oh well, they juz duno how to appreciate you.. and cuz they've depended on ur help, they wud find out juz how hard it is to live without u.. XD (if only u can hear my evil laughter.. hehe.. nah! I dun really have one..)

the BAD NEWZ!!~
are ya ready..?
*deep breaths*

yea, unfortunately u will always be the loving, giving and unselfish person you are now.. u can't stop being u.. & if u try.. u will only be torturing urself ^^ so dun eva try! I also regret to inform u that there is no cure.. =p

thatz my diagnosis... ^^

so have a nice day!!~
& good luck!!~

remember, it is important to love yourself..
u dun have to change to be loved or appreciated... u'll find that the ppl who do love u will like u juz the way u are.. ^^

Answer 2

I used to be this way and let me tell you, it zaps your energy! You have to learn to say NO, it feels so liberating! First of all if your going to do something for someone do it on the premise of not expecting anything back or don't do it at all. You can't please everyone so quite trying, there are a lot of users out there and if they see that your easy then why not? Let your roommate get mad and start using the bus she'll get over it but people with respect you a lot more when you start to respect yourself. I still do things for others but on my terms and I don't expect anything back and I'm surprised and happily so when people want to do things for me. Just being a nice person like saying hello and how are you is fine, taking an interest in how others are feeling, makes them feel good but just know that not everyone will like you, that's just life. Be good to yourself first okay.

Answer 3

All you need to do is learn to say NO. Whether you are busy or not, say No. As Far as your car is concerned tell your room mate you would not appreciate his/her use of your car anymore. You are allowed to say NO and not feel bad about it. As far as everyone else is concerned, you need to do the same...say NO. I think your problem is that you are afraid nobody will like you. You must have grown up with that, or been in a very insecure space in your life...parents divorced/relationship breakup...something...but here's the deal, people like other people who can stand up for themselves and not allow anyone to walk all over them.

You are being used girlfriend...stop the nonesense right now! If you lose friends over this...then guess what...Those were not your friends to begin with.

Let go of whatever is holding you back from being who you want to be. Easier said than done...but it can be done!

Good luck! All the love...and all the confidence!

Answer 4

Hi there

Actually it is very simple. You may help others but not to your detriment. While helping others, allow themselves some room so that they also may participate and allow them to build self confidence. Try not to make yourself the central point of attraction by doing too much, cause at the end you will make yourself more harm than good.
Example, while allowing your friends to use your car, when giving them the keys, notify them to refuel or to get the car for a wash - simple examples.
One more thing is that when you no longer complete chores you used to do for others, only then will you be able to distinguish your true friends .They are those who remain with you whatever your decisions.

A

Answer 5

Don't trust people at first. Don't be too friendly. Users are everywhere. They try to get to know you, so they can see how they will use you. Say NO. Put up a fence-limits that are clearly defined. Then how do you know they're users. They'll disappear from your life. Why? You said NO and saw through them. Bye-bye users. So obvious!

Answer 6

Tell your so called friend that you really care about her and want to help her, but you feel that she is taking advantage of the situation. Explain about the last time you needed your friend and she was not there for you. Just tell her that you want to know that she is your true friend, not just someone that is using you, and thatyou can count on her the next time you really need her.

Answer 7

You sound like a good soul. If you want reciprocity, it ain't gunna happen in this life I'm sorry to say. Your generosity will pay dividends in your life so don't be discouraged by your user friends. If they are using you, you should really think about why you are still friends with them.

Answer 8

Find out why you feel so useless and work on your feelings of self worth. Studies show that people will like you more if they do for you than if you do for them. Remember real friends can't be purchased. You deserve real friends.

Answer 9

Well I think your first step is already been achieved and its by you realizing whats going on...I dont think you have to put yourself out like that to everyone who comes to you in need of something.....Just know when to say no sometimes....You cannot and will not be able to please everyone....case and point, they are always coming to you for something!....its going to always be SOMETHING!, just learn to put your feet down and say enough is enough

Answer 10

It's bad when people change the way u r sweetie. Try not to be too sweet 2 every1.