We live in california and have been married for approx nine years. We have two boys together. One is 3 and one is 8. My wife also has a daughter(14), she will obviously stay with my wife. Normally, I wouldn't think to ask for full custody of the boys. But, My stepdaughter has some mental issues that possibly make her a danger to them. Also, my wife has been arrested in the past for domestic battery. I still wouldn't necessarily mind 50% custody of my boys. However, my wife keeps threatening to fight me in court. Are there any qualified people out there that could tell me what my chances of getting full custody would be if she forces my hand. Also, any ideas on what else I should do, to help my chances in court or in this divorce, would be appreciated.
2007-06-11 20:15:49 · 11 answers · asked by Craig M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly, with what you have said, you are looking at 50% at best here in CA.
Mental issues that might "POSSIBLY" make her a danger...possible is the key word here, She has never harmed them, so you can't gain custody on a hunch...something has to happen...bear in mind the daughter could POSSIBLY get help for her mental condition that would render her harmless...- so in the future, bear in mind if the boys are hurt by her, you can request and emergency hearing to gain residential custody...
Ok, "in the past" on the DV...like, say in the past 365 days...and was she fully prosecuted? Or just arrested and nothing came of it...was it against an adult or a child?
If it was longer than a year ago, won't matter, even more won't matter if it was an adult conflict and had nothing to do with a child.
I realize you think dirt will help, but actually, it plays against you in custody...a judge does not take kindly to hearing one parent badmouth the other...it has to be LEGITIMATE issues as far as her everyday parenting is concerend. If she is raisng the boys right...you are going to have a tough time getting primary custody...but can easily gain 50%...
Word of advice, for your kids sake, don't let custody get ugly...it hurts your children in ways they will suffer with for the rest of their lives. If you do choose to divorce, get them into counseling...ESPECIALLY if you feel the divorce, any part of it - is getting nasty.
Make an agreement between the two of you that you are going to keep the kids as sheilded as possible. Don't use them as pawns. Agree to be civil...all you want is the best for them...don't let your personal feelings about getting divorced blindside you from the fact your children still need loving parents.
feel free to e-mail me with questions, you can get to me through my profile...
2007-06-11 20:29:22 · answer #1 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get all your facts together for your attorney before you go to court. Document the facts of her daughter being a possible danger to your sons. Have the police reports of domestic battery arrests and the court outcome for your wife. If you have any neighbors or friends that will testify at the divorce or sign an affidavit do that also. Be able to back up with proof anything that you or your lawyer tell the judge.
From what you have said, the chances sound like they are better than 50% you might get full custody and she would have visiting rights.
2007-06-12 03:25:34 · answer #2 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about your situation...
Unfortunately you will have to "force your hand" and use any means necessary to make sure she doesn't get legal custody and a majority of the time with your kids.
CA Courts are biased (IMO) toward keeping the kids with mom since it's more common, so you will have to show why you are better AND why she is worse.
It's important to know that the court will seriously consider her domestic battery history when making custody decisions.
Have a plan for what arrangement would be ideal and what you will compromise on.
Money is also involved, so be extra careful. Many major courts have family law self help seminars. Go to the courts web page for more info in your area, heres a link you really should check out.
Good luck!
2007-06-12 03:26:01 · answer #3 · answered by deepseaofblankets 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you get the kids into counseling now. This will help them deal with all the stuff that's going on in the family as well as help them work the the divorce. As for custody I'm no expert on CA law but in most states joint custody would be awarded unless you can prove she is an unfit parent. The domestic battery charge should help and your attorney would defiantly use this to help establish that she's unstable. If you have anything which documents this along with documented accounts of your step daughters behaviors this will help maybe get you custodial custody of the boys. Consult an attorney and make a plan of all the information necessary to prove your case. Ask if it would be advisable to wait until she files or should you file first. The other things you might want to provide to your attorney would be documentation on work stability, finances, insurance, etc. Hopefully if you can get enough corroborating evidence and witnesses to testify on your behalf the judge might find in your favor. But be for warned most states don't like removing the mothers rights unless absolutely necessary. Regardless of what's happen in your relationship think about whether the boys would be harmed by not having contact with their mom. Take your emotions out of it and do what's best for them.
2007-06-12 03:34:50 · answer #4 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My suggestion to you since you want full custody is to seek legal help. Get a lawyer. Most judges will see in favor of the mother to get the sole custody, fathers will typically get every other weekend. This is unless you can prove the mother is unfit. She can always tell the judge she is seeking counseling for her daughter with her mental issues and that she herself is taking anger management classes for the battery charge (someone I know had to take classes). He could award her custody. Especially in California, seems like the judicial system has their heads up their a.s.s!
2007-06-12 03:22:19 · answer #5 · answered by itsbeautybaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's great that you want your children, I have no legal advice for you only life advice...don't give up on your children..don't act like you ever would no matter how hard it became..don't ever act like you could just start over..fight for them ..but don't fight to hard ...if fighting in court NEVER raise your voice..whoever stays calmest wins..have stability and show you have a steady income..and a nice place for your kids to live..it doesn't need to be huge just clean and accomodating..also show that you also have their future in mind w/ college funds or something like like..exhibit responsability,dependability,and mostly lots of xoxoxo's and i luv you's p.s.try to do this in a positive way..if you can omit the information about anything negative it would be best ex. maybe do not bring up anthing about your step-daughter..stear clear of throwing out the negatives about the others and just ACCENTAUTE YOUR POSITIVES
2007-06-12 03:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by BackwoodsBarbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately the legal system when it comes to divorce the man always gets screwed they really need to look at this a little closer now....women want to be all independent until the divorce comes along then they want everything they can get including the kids your chances of getting the kids are slim to none....
2007-06-12 03:20:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to mitigate. Prima facie you can do it. Custody according law and circumstances of the case. Abstain from divorce. No one would be happy.
2007-06-12 03:20:02 · answer #8 · answered by baba 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, consult an Attorney. That's the best suggestion for this situation. n
2007-06-12 03:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me you should be talking to your lawyer about this since you are close to getting a divorce.
2007-06-12 03:17:54 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋