custody, what to do?

Question

i am going to court with my baby daddy fighting over custody. i have little money for an attorney so i hired one through ks legal services for like 70$ hr. every time i talk to her i have to tell her what issues i have like she never talked to me before and i can rarely ever make contact with her. she is telling me that pretty much all i can get is shared custody 50/50 even though i have had my daughter to myself for the 2 years i have had her. he has been in the pic on and off dating me. he has a 10 yr old and provides little or no stability for her or himself till these last couple months since he finally got a place to live. i want residential custody and visitations for him, not 50/50! would a different lawyer make a difference or do i need to accept these terms he wants because it seems like he is getting everything he wants and they dont take into consideration my issues with sharing her with him like he wants. hes not a bad person but hes not a very stabile person

ks starts out with shared custody for both parents

i have offered him 4 days a week he can see her and 2 of those overnights totaling 48 hours a week, but he will not agree to anything i say. went to mediation, failed. limited case management said i was controlling and recomended 50/50. i have her in a 5 star daycare and he wants her out, says he should have her if i put her in daycare anyways. i dont trust him to take care of her long term on the days he wants and i dont think he is as good with her when he has her for long periods of time, short times he may appreciate and spend right

Answer 1

You do not have to accept the terms your lawyer is laying out right now. Call her and calmly tell her your paying her to work for you and only you and if she doesn't like it, then I would be finding me another lawyer.

Answer 2

Here's the bottom line. The courts will take everything into consideration when determining where the children will stay and with whom. You will need to gather as much information as possible before seeing the judge. Take into account the type of care you provide and how often. Do not turn it into a he said, she said situation because the judge will not listen to it. You will need to show evidence that you yourself are stable and are the more supportive parent. It doesn't matter that you have had the child for the past two years if you aren't taking the proper steps to ensure that the child is being given the best care. I can tell you from experience that you don't need a lawyer to take action. Most courthouses offer a free self-service center giving you access to several documents that you can file on your own. You still need to pay for the filing but this keeps you from dumping $70 per hour of work by the lawyer. If you can do most of the legwork, you can take care of it yourself. You will also need to read through the documents thoroughly and if you are not sure which docs you need, a person at the self-service center can guide you. Keep in mind that they will not tell you or give you any legal advice because they are not lawyers. Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

If he has hit you with custody papers, here is what you do. First of all find a better lawyer. You may have a option to ask he pay all your attorneys fees and court cost. Then, fire your first lawyer who is doing you no good.
You need sole custody. Do not settle for anything less in your response. Demand he has parenting classes. Supervised visitation.
Contact the mother of his other child and see if she would be willing to go to court and testify as to what kind of parent he has been to her son.
There are man things you can do. And you should also bring up that he has just maintained his own residence. Which does not make him very stable. Fight him on this. After two years, he could have had parental rights terminated.
There is also the chance to that he may really be wanting to get his life together and to be involved with her for all the right reasons. If this is so, he will have a lot to prove. Time will tell.

Answer 4

Baby's daddy sounds like he dosent want to pay for support for any more children. You may have to do alot of footwork yourself since your lawyer is not advocating very well for you. Can you prove he has not provided for his 10yr old, can you get documentation of his instability.

Would you be willing to give up child support if he gives you sole custody? Would he be willing to sign away his parental rights?

Custody can be arranged many ways. You could have full and he has joint legal with you. You could both have joint and work things out 50/50 though in most situations this is not ideal.

Let me tell you from personal experience to get a lawyer now who will help you go for SOLE custody. Joint absolutley sucks and just turns into one big tug of war over the kids and money. It will be much cheaper to hire a lawyer that will advocate for you now, than keep going back to court over various issues.

50/50 only works if you both agree on EVERYTHING concerning the children. Housing, support, activities, medical care etc.

DO NOT GIVE HIM 60% or 6 mos and a day, it is an absolute ruse over money. There will probally be alot of negotiating back and forth but stick to *sole* or at the least 50/50 joint with the child actually living with you and him having weekend visitation etc.

Show the judge that you will be the *Primary Care Taker,* and are willing to do whatever it takes to take care of your child. From there negotiate but hold your ground on the sole custody.

If Babys Daddy is willing, mediation is so much cheaper and you can obtain the same or better results. Neither of you want some judge who dosent know you or your child and dosent care, deciding your future.


If you and Daddy can agrre to, try to write out a very detailed parenting plan. This should include visitations, holidays, weekends, traveling arrangements, medical expenses (who will pay) etc.

Put the child first, I hope you two can work it out.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

It is possible for you to have residential custody and him to only have visitation in Kansas. My husband got residential and his ex g/f got visitation(we live in KS). IF they are unfit and you can prove that, then the judge will rule in your favor. Since the little girl has lived with you her entire life I doubt a judge would remove her from your home unless YOU are unfit. The judge will look at everything-and make his decision on the best interest of the child. If you have questions you can E-mail me.

Answer 6

Standard terms are generally one person gets to be the residential parent, however custody is shared. Usually the non-residential parent gets every other weekend, every other holiday, their birthday, fathers day weekend. Also they share in major decisions.

The terms from what you describe are not unreasonable. Just make sure that all terms and conditions are EXPLICIT. Don't assume and don't guess the interpretation.

Answer 7

find a way to get a BETTER lawyer, or you will lose!