Why am I so critical?

Question

My father is so critical of everything esp me, and I criticize everything. At the end of the day and during I feel like an enormus piece of cr*p and think I should just drop off the face of the earth. If someone says something opposite to what I think, I think I am stupid. I have hollowed out emotionally inside and just keep thinking I am horrible. I hate everything and I am so bitter. My boyfriends family is so messed up, some are in jail, some are brainwashed christians that think gay people are the devil, and I think and say horrible horrible things about them and then I feel horrible for saying them. What can I do to stop thinking bad things abotu some people and myself? I also freak out when I gain a few pounds...I mean is it really so bad to be a critical person?

Answer 1

Human beings are receptive creatures. We are designed to receive 'input'. Input is how we develop. Input is not just sensations (smell, touch, taste, sound) it is thoughts and words, intellectual.

Being around anyone for a long period of time basically rewires the way we interact with and see the world. Being around a father that is critical can only mean you've been receiving such 'behavior' for so long you begin to develop it yourself; input programming. That is why, when people want to change their behavior, their attitudes, their thoughts, their entire world-view, they change the people they hang around with.

You think you are horrible because that is the input you have been given. The hollowed-out feeling comes from your own personal (distinct and seperate) sense of self being 'replaced' (more likely buried) by your father's input and also by the input of the people around you.

The 'real you' is the one saying the horrible things about them (because that is the buried you fighting to climb back out) but the 'programmed' you is the one who feels bad for saying it (a critical person is about keeping someone else deaf dumb and blind, so they don't have the opportunity to see them for what they really are.)

There is nothing wrong with having an eye for detail, which is where critical thinking comes in. But, just as with anything, too much criticism doesn't encourage growth, it hinders it, prevents it.

I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you are more-or-less 'stuck' living with your parents for right now. That doesn't have to mean that you have to feel completely helpless because you arent. The first step is to believe there are things you can do, and you can.

You can start by hanging around people who DO make you feel real, who make you feel the exact opposite of that hollowed-out feeling. You are very far from being a horrible person, but you are in a horrible situation. And the fact that you are aware of what is happening to you, and can talk about it, means you are also far from stupid as well.

Pathologically critical people cannot be pleased by anything another person does, and in fact, do not want them to actually achieve it, which would mean they would have to stop being critical. Pathologically critical people are frustrated with the world and therefore bully someone else because the world bullies them. The world has made them feel like crap, so they are returning the 'love'.

The good news is that, even if you grow up in that kind of environment, you can still 'heal' from it. The best way is, again, to hang around people or situations that make you feel the 'real' you. Finding a 'private' spot, where you can read the books YOU like, listen to the music YOU like, even eat the foods and think the thoughts that YOU like, is the best place to begin. It's even better if you have a friend or two who can be a part of that space as well, perhaps your bf.

If you feel trapped right now, it's really important to believe that you can get through this, that you can survive and begin to heal from this situation and experience. Good luck.

Answer 2

I too am very critical. I believe it's a personality trait that is hard to change.

While you will always be more critical than your average person, you can do some things to at least not make yourself so depressed. One, since you are critical, try to stay away from others who are just as critical. This only escalates and makes things worse. Try to hang out with optimistic people. While at first you will think they are all crazy, eventually you will find that they have their good points. Hang out with positive people, not people with negative energy.

Two, it's okay to be critical about yourself. But... rather than stopping there, you should immediately create a plan to better yourself. For example, rather than freak out about gaining a few pounds, create an exercise program, or a diet, or both. Then start your program immediately. That way, you will feel better because you are doing something to fix your own criticisms.

If you do not like your boyfriend's family, avoid them. That way, you won't say evil things about them and then feel bad. There's nothing to stop yourself from thinking bad thoughts about others, so don't try. However, if you don't see them often, you won't think about them often, and thus won't have those thoughts that often.

I don't believe it's necessarily bad to be critical. It's how you deal with it and how you use it to become a better person. If you believe you are not good at say cooking, then you can work at it to become better. Without being self-aware, you cannot never become better. It's a matter of degrees and you just have to find a happy medium.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Maybe, it's just that you are trying to understand where these other people are coming from. Then when you understand it, you don't really accept it because it goes against your logic or against your grain, so you have to find a way to rationally tear it down, otherwise it makes you look bad.

Perhaps you should learn to accept yourself first, then possibly, you can start learning to accept other people.

Answer 4

Try therapy or prozac or something along those lines. I'm not kidding sometimes you cant cure yourself. Im neurotic as can be, zoloft worked for me :-)