I am in a commited relationship for the past couple of years, I am very comfortable knowing that I am not legally bonded to him. Even though we have to children together, I sometimes consider marriage for there benefit. Is something wrong w/ me or am I just one of those gals.
2007-06-11 15:44:06 · 11 answers · asked by Kadija T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are getting exactly what you want. In most states of the USA, after 7 years, you will be considered married.
There are two questions, however, first, if you are happy, then why are you even bringing this up? (perhaps it's because you secretly do have many doubts and wonder how 'committed' your relationship really is, since you and your spouse don't really want to be THAT committed). Second, why is it when couples who live together get married their divorce rate is double the national average, for couples who don't live together first? (it's because living together and marriage are indeed two different things).
This is something that you and your partner need to think about, if for no other reason than for the sake of the kids. What you do with your life, no one cares, but as soon as there are children involved, then there's a huge change.
2007-06-11 15:49:20 · answer #1 · answered by John B 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Only you and your partner know what works best for you. If you have a wonderful relationship with your partner and the kids see that ,then there is no advantage to your children if you get married or not.I have done both. My husband and I lived together for 7 years, happily I might add with no pressure to marry. We finally decided together last year that we were going to get married. I have 2 children and they were just as happy when him and I were unmarried as they are with us married because we were both happy all that time. If neither of you feel the need to get married then don't. However if one of you does and the other doesn't that might be a little difficult. Or if you feel that you both want to then by all means, go ahead. Is there a reason that you choose not to be legally bonded with him? Someone made the point that depending on where you live, that if you live with someone long enough you may be considered a common law marriage. If that is the case, then legally there may be no difference.
There isn't anything wrong with you at all, just make sure that if you are considering marriage that it is for the "right" reasons. Marrying because you think it is the right thing to do for your children is not one of them. If you marry because you know in your heart that you never want to be with anyone else but who you're with, can't imagine life without them and you want to show your love to them and to everyone else then marriage might be the way to go. Listening to you, I think you already know what it is that you want, so don't do something that you aren't sure about, no matter what. It is harder to "undo" something you have done, then to do something you haven't done.
2007-06-11 16:57:04 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The purpose of marriage is to provide a stable environment for children. Children do best when they are in a real family, with parents who are truly officially committed. What you have at present is a deal between two selfish adults who put the kids last and their right to leave any time they want first. There is a huge difference for children whether or not the parents are married. I have known a number of couples who tried to stay together over the years without marriage, but it didn't work for any of them. The result was broken homes, broken lives, broken children. Selfish adults, leading selfish lives.
Kent in SD
2007-06-11 15:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe it's not all about your feelings. Maybe 2 people who have had children together need to step up to the plate and make a real commitment to each other. A serious, legally binding commitment that protects the family.
2007-06-11 15:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need trust, it is a big key point in a long term relationship. You also need to have respect for you and your partner. If there is no respect there should be no relationship. Love is another important key. You must love your partner but also love yourself. You must work very hard at all the aspects of a relationship. One or both of you need to have a stable income in order to live and survive. Lastly is sex, or making love, to your partner. Having that special time to share with each other is a must. Hope you find what you are looking for in the answers.
2016-05-17 22:37:47 · answer #5 · answered by roberta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. You can be partners, and live in a common law marriage. In fact, in Europe, marriage is an antiquated concept. People live together, have children, form families, and grow old together, all without signing that little paper. If you have no religious and familial pressures, just keep doing what's working best.
2007-06-11 15:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say that you and your live-in are only partially committed to each other. Making a relationship public and legal requires a much higher level of seriousness and significantly more committment on the part of both, particularly the man.
2007-06-11 15:58:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean by "those gals"? There's nothing wrong with wanting a more concrete commitment.
2007-06-11 15:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by K S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight.
I'm in a similar situation, I think there are a lot more of us that that are opting out of marriage than you might think
2007-06-11 16:59:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a free country.
Only you know if you are putting up a facade or willing to forgo all those girly's dreams about big wedding, gowns, rings, etc. Only you know if you are accepting a lower standard for your kid or you are actually above the common life of ordinary people.
2007-06-11 16:05:45 · answer #10 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋