Do people who have affairs lie about there marriage?

Question

This women who works in our office is having an affair with a coworker. She told him how her husband ignores her and is no longer affectionate. She also told him that he has no respect for her and sometimes verbally abuses her. I know this man her husband and I can't imagine him like that he seems like a great guy. She is thinking of leaving him for her new lover and its kinda sad for there 3 kids. Her husband from what I understand has no idea of the affair and I know it will crush him. Could she be bending the truth to get her lover?

Answer 1

Absolutely.

When I was married to my first wife, she had several affairs on me (some I knew of, some I found out about years later) and always used the same line with the guys.

"My husband is so abusive. He's hit me a few times when we argue, he yells at me for everything, he tells me I'm stupid, and if I dont have dinner ready , or the house cleaned when he gets home from work, he starts a fight. He's cold, and distant, never says 'I love you' and never wants to have sex. He's told me he wants a divorce, but he owns the house, and says I won't get anything if I leave him. I'm afraid of him" Oh, and the best one "He's cheating on me"

How do I know this? Several of the guys called me after she ended the relationships to tell me off for being such an SOB. Indeed, after she finally left for good, some of my friends and even her family contacted me to chew me out for being like this, or to tell me that she was saying things like this about me behind my back.

The truth couldn't be further from the truth. I'm romantic, considerate, caring, passionate... I could go on, but you wouldn't know if I was bragging or telling the truth. Lets just say that I've never had a problem wooing the women I fall for, and that has been precisely 2. (my exwife, and my current wife) My female friends, several of whom have wished I were a little less faithful, or single a little longer, have all told me what a catch I am, and wished that their boyfriends/husbands were like me. I cook, clean, do yardwork, housework, and many things traditionally looked upon as "womens work" ... my mom trained me well, lol, or so my friends say.

But the 1 that hurt most, was the accusation of cheating. I have never desired another woman than my wife (and my ex when I was with her) To me, a wife is the part that every man is missing, and we are incomplete without them. They are what makes life worth living, and the first thing in our lives, next to our children.

So, having tooted my own horn here to make me such a great guy, why did my 1st wife cheat on me? Because something was missing. Not something I could give her, but something she was missing in herself.

Years after she left me, she went through counciling, and then remarried, to a wonderful man, whom I'm happy is the father of her youngest son, and stepfather to our oldest. Imagine my surprise 3 years ago when she came to me and appologized for everything she ever did to me. She told me I deserved better than that, and she was happy I'd found love again with my current wife.

And then she asked if I wanted to sleep with her for "old times sake" because she was horny, and her husband was working graveyard shift, so she hadn't had sex in four months.

I didn't speak to her again for 2 weeks, and would only talk to our son when I came to pick him up for his weekly visitation.

I guess some people never learn...

I'm glad I'm not her husband anymore... but sometimes...

naaaah.

I need to go make dinner for my wife.

Answer 2

it has been well known and even documented that cheaters lie about their primary relationships to their lovers. Part of it is to make the affair seem "justified" and part of it is to convince themselves that what they are doing isn't "realy an affair"

Cheaters who have a side relationships (as opposed to the serial cheaters who simply have one-night-stands and prostitutes) want to believe that what they are doing is "different" than cheating and having an affair, so they lie to themselves more than anyone. They generally believe all the BS they spout, otherwise they couldn't live with themselves.

It's very sad and very destructive and the lying to themselves is what makes cheating so very hard to mend a broken marriage - cheating is bad enough, lying is even worse but when you can't even face the reality of what you are doing you have no hope of mending things. The reality bites them eventually of course when all is revealed and they realize that all the repeating in the world doesn't make their fantasy true.

Contrary to popular belief, some people cheat NOT becuase there is something terribly wrong with their spouse but because there is something terribly wrong with themselves and they will do anything to not face that fact.

If someone is going to lie to the person they swore to love and honor, then of course they are going to lie to the beautiful stranger they keep on a string.

Answer 3

Absolutely! This is very common especially with women cheaters. They want to make the new guy feel like he is rescuing her from a terrible situation. They also lie to their friends and family about the husband to justify leaving him for a new guy. Some even falsely accuse the husband of mental illnesses or of abusing her. All to prevent people from seeing what she truly is. An immoral, weak, and selfish s l u t !
You should tell the husband. Just send and anonymous letter to his job. He has a right to know what he's married to.

Answer 4

Why are you involved, can you tell me? You have no idea what is going on there. From what you are saying that woman is not happy (for whatever reason). Desperate women make a mistake by launching into an affair, thinking that it will change their life for the better. About the guy - you don't know her husband at all. My friends and my family think that my husband is perfect. Only few of friends really know that he puts me down, smothers me and sneers. My advice is - remember that "curiosity killed a cat".

Answer 5

You really dont know what happens b/c you are not there. Alot of times people seem very different but when there are people around but behind closed doors is totally the opposite. On the other hand , when someone cheats , there has to be a reason that they are cheating and sometimes there isnt a reason so they have to make something up to justify their actions.

Answer 6

Yeah! that's her way of justifying what she is about to do. You see when a person cheats it's there own personal choice. But will put the blame on the spouse for them cheating. This is why they call cheating a selfish act, be responsible for your own choices & actions. It's true that all people don't cheat in marriage/relationships. You cheat because you wanted too, that was the choice that you made.

Answer 7

people don't always act the same behind closed doors. AT HOME he the "hubby" might be a total turd to live with. Either way don't go sticking your nose into it. Yes it's wrong but, it's also wrong for you to meddle in a marriage. she could be stretching the truth either way it's clear she's unhappy happy devoted content people don't have affairs.

Answer 8

It's very possible she is bending the truth in what she tells him. But, I'm sure you have only seen him in social situations where he may not act the same as he does when they are alone. While plenty of people are miserable in their marriages, they may not choose to put their marriage on display for busy-bodys to comment or pry.

Answer 9

Yeah most ppl do lie because they are wanting a new love...it is weird...but I am sure he is a great guy but also you dont know what goes on behind closed doors...he could just be that way.

Answer 10

Yeah, just like married men do when they are having an affair. Lying is not gender limited!