My friend has been faithfully married for 20 years, despite her husband 's frequent neglect and careless treatment. Recently, she had a brief emotional affair with another man. Of course, her husband found out. They are working now to rebuild their marriage. But she tells me that now he watches absolutely everything she does, checking her phone records, insisting on reading all emails, keeping close record on where she is at all times. Even though she can sympathize with him, she is going mad with the lack of privacy. Suggestions from anyone who has gone through this on how she can deal with this?
Also, he continually confronts her about whether she is still in love with the other man. She does still love him, but that relationship is over, and she is working steadily at her marriage. How to set her husband's mind at ease without tearing her heart apart any further?
2007-06-11 10:23:43 · 16 answers · asked by heaven eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The "marriage" cannot continue in this way. Sounds like her husband has become her gaoler! He has to forgive her and work with her to rebuild the marriage. If he can't forgive her (and it sounds like he never will) then she will have to leave him.
Anyway, why go back to him if he was frequently neglectful and careless? Also, she still loves the other man. Thinking about it, your friend should get a divorce. The marriage will never work again without trust. Life is too short to be playing silly bloody games!
2007-06-11 14:00:24 · answer #1 · answered by Fanshawe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she loves the other guy then she should not be married. She can't love two men at once. She either loves her husband or the other guy. Tell her to make up her mind. She drove her marriage into the ditch she is the one who has to get it out. She caused her husband to be non trusting. She has to be like an open book otherwise her marriage will not work. She cheated on him, she has no privacy now and won't for a long time until her husband can start to trust her again. She did this to herself. She just needs to be prepared for him going and checking everything.
2007-06-11 10:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by Shanny 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well to be honest the day she decide that she was going to allow feelings for another man to continue was the day that she also decide that she would have to live with the consequence, because when you make a choice there is always a consequence whether it be good or bad there always one, and this happens to be a bad one, but she needs to know that she choose that to happen, not her husband, it has nothing to do with him being insecure it has to do with she broke trust and she needs to prove that she can be trusted again, and if that mean being an open book to her husband than that's what she choose to happen. The fact that she still has feelings for this other man means that there could still be something that she hanging on to she not fully letting it go, if she truly wants to work on her marriage and rebuild trust then she needs to fully be done with the other man and by that it means having no feelings for him at all.
2007-06-11 11:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by *Cat* 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Therein is the consequence of breaking a trust . . . However, I do think there needs to be some professional intervention so that the wound of a broken trust can heal.
At this rate it will never heal, the marriage is doomed to be unhappy as well as both of them that are in it. Get professional help ... it will take time but it's not going to get resolved this way.
2007-06-11 10:35:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
has her husband always been this way or only since she had the emotional affair? Sometimes people in a committed relationship are insecure, jealous, and accuse the other person of cheating when in fact they are the guilty party. Maybe she should be checking on him. Turn the tables so to speak.
2007-06-11 10:33:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she sure hes not doing the same thing to her as like having someone on the side and also once the trust is gone is gone there will always be an argument or a question on where u going what you doing ect. if shes willing to deal with it then she has to try to work things out but if she doesnt like the fact that hes on her a** then she just might as well not be with him.
2007-06-11 10:32:53 · answer #6 · answered by Yassy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He needs some counseling to help him get past his SERIOUS insecurities, and they need some couples' counseling to help address the reasons she was having emotional attachments to another person, and what he can do about it.
It should be done NOW before the damage he's doing goes any further.
2007-06-11 10:30:44 · answer #7 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi,maybe she should put herself in her husbands place.How would she feel if he had cheated on her also she is still in love with the other bloke.How on earth does she expect things to work out with her husband.Sorry there is always two sides to a story I would like to hear the husbands.He will have to learn to trust her & she will have to fall in love with her husband.I personally do not think it will work out.
2007-06-14 04:11:17 · answer #8 · answered by Ollie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they should get some couples counseling too address some of the issues in their marriage.
2007-06-11 10:35:41 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend has to regain her husbands trust again if she has a mobile tell her to get a new sim card and use this also tell her not to go on computer or set up a different email account up that he dasent know about
2007-06-11 11:31:07 · answer #10 · answered by lisagrndy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋