Should I give it another shot?

Question

My daughters Father, whom I have been apart from for almost 2 years gave me a poem this morning that implied he was miserable w/o me and wants me back. We had a very messy break up in which he burned me and every one in my family. But I still love him and would love to have my family back. Only thing is how do you restart something like that? I don't want to confuse our daughter so...does anyone have any input on making it work after it's been severly broken? Do marriage counsellors work?

Answer 1

I have never been to a marriage counselor but I think that would probably be a good idea for you two. You need to establish how and why it didn't work out before, and you both need to let go of the past and move forward from here. Why don't you just start dating casually again - going out every once in a while and see where it leads. And don't worry about your daughter.. you won't confuse her, just say you and daddy are still friends... until a decision is made.

Answer 2

Counseling is always a great start, but before going ahead with that, you need to ask yourself why things didn't work out the first time. Are your differences ones that could be easily patched up??

You should also take into account the type of relationship you had. Was he controlling or abusive? If so, steer clear of getting re-involved.

Bottom line, do what your heart tells you, but listen close to your head as well. There is a child involved here, so you have to tread lightly. And remember, people can say that they've changed, but that isn't always true. Good luck!

Answer 3

Marriages that have gone through turmoil have been know to get repaired by having both parties seriously involved in making it work. But if there is such violence involved and you were lucky enough to get out of it alive, then I would advice you to consider this a blessing. Why in heavens would you be willing to put yourself and your family into that dangerous position once again. Just because he gave you a poem does not mean he has or will ever be able to change. Stop living in fantasy land and begin to be more responsible towards your own safety as well as the safety of others he has hurt. He most likely has come to know you as a pushover and knows that all he has to do is write some little poem to be able to get his foot back into the door. Sorry to say, but women like you anger me.

Answer 4

There's not enough information here to answer the question. It's not clear what you mean by "burned me and everyone in my family." (Was there abuse, addiction or what?) As a general principle I would say do what you think is the best for your daughter and you cannot go wrong. If your gut is telling you to beware, then beware. Also, marriage counseling CAN work, if there is enough there to work with. You two certainly could sit down with a counselor and see where things are. Good luck!

Answer 5

Seems like you are willing to make it work, but are you ready to forgive and FORGET. Because the past is going to play a big part in shaping up your future relationship together, and its difficult to forget an ugly past.

I think its a very nice effort you both are putting forward. You should treat it as a new relationship, start out with dating each other first, yeah it sound weird, but its a start. Like any new relationship take it slow and start getting use to each other and the idea of being together again. This will give your daughter a chance to get use to him back in her life again. You should avoid the need to jump into the sack immediately, i know its tempting, but that will only muddy the water and your feelings for each other. Like I said take it slow, give those feelings a change to redevelop again. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O

Answer 7

First off go to marriage counseling...yes it does work if you go with an open mind and the intent on making your marriage better. Slowly introduce your child's father back into the picture until your daughter understands that you are close friends, not back together yet. It won't probably won't confuse her, especially if you guys are spending time with her together...she'll probably enjoy that family togetherness...You gotta know before you start another relationship with him if you can honestly accept his apology and move on...you know you are going to hear from family and friends how you shouldn't take him back, how he is no good, etc. You got to do whats best for you, hopefully they will support you in your decision....good luck and I hope it works out...

Answer 8

Yes, you should give it another shot. 2 years is enough time to have gone through many emotions with the breakup and settle back into equilibrium where you can think more clearly about everything. Loving him and that he is the father of your daughter are 2 of the best and only reasons that I can think of that make it totally acceptable. Goodluck and perhaps on this second chance in life you will be a happy family.

Answer 9

Whether or not to get back together depends on why you broke up. If he was abusive to you or your daughter, if he was a drug addict, or if he was regularly dishonest, etc it may be better to just move on. If your problems were personality conflicts or disagreements that can be resolved, counseling is a wonderful idea.

If you decide to take the counseling route, see a counselor together before you do anything drastic, like move in together or even committ to being together.

As far as confusing your daughter goes, seeing you behave kindly and treat eachother with respect will not be confusing. Even if you don't get back together, it will beneift your daughter to see you getting along and working as a team.

Answer 10

My advice would be to remember how miserable you & your daughter were before you left him. Anyone can take out a pen & paper to write a love poem; it's something else entirely to put in the CONSTANT, day-to-day effort that's required to nurture a healthy, loving, supportive relationship - for you AND your daughter.

After thinking that through, if you want to rekindle the relationship, leave your daughter out of the loop until you're sure it's going to work out this time. This would be a HORRIBLE example for her to witness should you make an attempt at rekindling it and it fails. She needs stability, consistency, and a mother who leads by example.