Son being abused by stepfather?

Question

Before I married my now ex husband, we both had children from our first marriages. We had a daughter together. All the kids go with my ex at the weekends. Yesterday after the kids were dropped off, my 6 yr old daughter told me that daddy had been really mean to my son all weekend. Apparently my son was sitting in my daughter's spot on the sofa and my ex told him to move. My son ignored him (is diagnosed as oppositional defiant and is ADHD). My ex grabbed him by the ear and dragged him across the floor. Another incident occured when they were at the mall. My ex's fiancee put a quarter in one of those toy machines where you try to grab a toy. She was doing this for her son but my son jumped in and pressed the button. My ex husband immediately slapped my son across the face twice. I am livid about this. I told my son that he is not going with his stepfather any more but mys on is really upset about this and insists he wants to go. Should I insist he stay home with me?

Answer 1

you should not let him go with him, and i would contact the police.

Answer 2

First off.. you need to contact the ex to make sure you are getting the real story. I trust my kids, but I also know that kids often make things sound way worse than they really are, even if they don't mean to.

If your son doesn't feel abused or hurt then I would let him go for now, but only after talking to the ex.

Honestly, if he had just pulled across the floor by his ear he would have a mark somewhere... as well as if he was hit hard across the face he would still have a mark.

I'm sorry, but if there are no marks then I'm not sure why you are so livid. What he did at the mall was rude. He was asked to move from that spot on the sofa and ignored his step dad. ADHD and ODD are NO EXCUSE for him behaving badly and he still has to be disciplined.

Answer 3

I think you need to talk to your ex and let him know that if he cannot discipline your son without putting his hands on him then you will be reporting him to the proper authorities. He might be mad and not want your son around but it's better to have your son home where you know he is safe than to be worried he will be beaten, or slapped. What if he hits him and knocks him into something or really hurts him? You will be just as much at fault as he is because you know what's going on. I have a son and if I ever even thought someone was slapping him, it would be there ***. (excuse my language) I get very upset when I hear of things like this. Be your child's advocate. He is a child and of course he wants to go because the other kids are there, but you as an adult have to make the decision that is in the best interest of the child. Take him out and spend time with him or do something with him so he doesn't feel he is missing out, but don't send him to be the punching bag. Are the other kids getting beat? Your daughter has already warned you that he is being mistreated, and it might be due to his diagnosis that makes him a little more difficult to deal with but that is not his fault and definitely not an excuse to be beat. So talk to the ex, and if he can't handle him keep your son home with you, at least he will be safe. All the best.

Answer 4

I would not like it either and to tell you the truth, it sounds abusive. I would contact CPS, and just speak to a case worker about the situation. Is that what they fell is abuse? If they feel it is, then you will need to act.
If you decide to speak to his father about this, I would strongly recommend buying yourself a small tape recorder and tape the conversation. Be very blunt with him. Tell him what the children have informed you. And demand a explanation about why he went too far.
I would also tell him it is going against your better judgment to send your son back to him if he cannot handle him in a way that is not violent. Maybe he needs to go to parenting classes.
Document every little detail of this. Then contact your lawyer and see if he can't be ordered to some classes or have his visitation revoked until it is completed.
Kids are a handful. But, snapping that way is not the right thing to do. And you have every right to be concerned.

Answer 5

What you should do is get the police involved. If your son's stepfather is abusing your son, then he is breaking the law. Every time you hear about this, you should call the police. They will intervene. Initially, it may not help much, but eventually one of two things will happen. One is that your ex will shape up and stop hitting your child. Two is that they'll eventually be enough evidence to arrest him, which is what he deserves. You might also consider discussing this with your attorney and having the rights to the children reconsidered. Good luck!

Answer 6

my son was beat with a wooden spoon by his stepfather. it left red marks. my lawyer at the time handling custody of my son instructed me to document it with written and photo evidence, which i did. DFCS was informed and handled the incident with my ex and her husband along with there attorney. we put it behind us and moved on until, my iphone was stolen and the thieves have done their best to exploit the photos as something that I must have done. dirty emails, text messages, neighbors following me, dirt looks everyday, my computers, cell phones, ipads all hacked monitored and tracked. Verizon did Nothing except make my life hell. started out with so much spam from all these charity groups such as No MORE, Kids Live Safe, Hopeline, Pedophile alerts all of which coincidently started at the exact same time and continue even today. i even moved and now the following and watching 24/7 is happening here. i have become paranoid and very social anxious. this has been going on for 3 years and I dont know what to do? i have more than one gun and really feel uneasy at night especially after being followed by the same people in the same cars from the same area always driving where i am heading no matter what time it is and no matter where i go. it s no coincidence that they always no where i am , didn t i mention earlier Verizon did nothing. well, did nothing for me.. anything or anyone going through something similar? please help with any advice.
dave s.

Answer 7

First of all u need to confront your ex and let him know the real deal. Like you will wipe his face with your fist. Then u need to think about if he is this violent with your son then what can he do to your other children. And for everbody else just cuz he is the stepfather it doesnt mean that he does not share a connection with him the boy will probably be sad, thats understandable but u gotta do what u gotta do.

Answer 8

Make it clear to your ex that if this ever happens again, you will not be so nice. If it weren't for your son saying he wants to go back, I would say absolutely keep him home. If your ex has ANY issues with your son, he is to CALL YOU to come and get him and THEN he will be made to stay home. It is not up to your ex to discipline your son. I would want to bash the ex in the face with a brick for some garbage like that, personally, and see how HE likes getting slapped in the face-but that's just me.

Answer 9

Did you actually witness this or are you taking the word of a 6 year old? Not that there is any problem with listening to a 6 year old but I would warn against going in all guns blazing without more proof.

I would, however, arrange to sit down and talk to your ex, in a calm manner (or as calm as possible, given how I expect you are feeling!) about what you have heard and how concerned you are about it.

Could it be possible that your ex is finding it difficult to cope with the needs that your son has and that he is over-reacting to any given situation due to not having the support, education or knowledge of how to deal with this behaviour? I do not condone him slapping your son - and you are right to be very concerned, but violence is often an 'end-of-tether' reaction and your ex might be reaching this very quickly because he might feel your son's behaviour is too challenging for his knowledge of how to deal with it.

I think it's best to talk to your ex before making a final decison - maybe there could be an independent chaperone the next time they have a visit with your ex - but try to deal with your son very carefully as he probably is feeling that you are punishing him for something by not allowing him to see his father . . . you don't say how old your son is but a father-son relationship is very important and no matter what that father may do, your son is probably very loyal to him. If you say can't see his dad, he may beat himself up about it, thinking that he has done something wrong - rather than his dad.

Talk it over - maybe speak to someone who can mediate.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 10

Dont put your son through that. These horrible memories will stay with him forever and will make him the man he will become. Children that are abused in any form tend to have more serious issues as adults. I would confront him and not let him see your daughter for awhile. I'm sure he wouldnt allow his daughter to be treated this way by another man who would be involved with you. Keep them both at home.

Answer 11

Get child services involved...tell them what your daughter told you...at least your ex will know that you are on the look out for any kind of abuse administered to your son...get your son to see a child psychologist just to make sure he is ok and showing any signs of mental abuse....If there is a court order in place you can't keep him home without proof of abuse and going back to court...if no order is in place, keep both kids at home. The daughter doesn't need to see her brother getting beat up nor does the son need to be beat....good luck