How do you get out of a bad and sick marriage with kids with out hurting the kids?

Question

And you still love him even with all the pain this is sick I know I need help so help me please.

Answer 1

You want to leave? There is no way to do it without hurting the kids.

You should initially go into counseling to see if things can be repaired

Answer 2

The kids are going to be hurt one way or the other. You're in a sick and twisted marriage - that's hurting your kids. You need to get into some counseling and get advice for how to deal with your marriage and your kids.

Answer 3

Divorce is extremely difficult on children but so is the constant fighting in a marriage. If the marriage is that bad then you need to leave. Get counseling for yourself and your children. If they are old enough then talk to them about how the divorce is not about them but about how things are not working between the adults. It will be a hard adjustment but they will be happier kids if they are not around a bad home environment all of the time. If you do decide to divorce, try to avoid arguing with your ex in front of them.

Good luck to all of you.

Answer 4

There is no way to get out of a bad marriage without hurting your children. But you have to ask yourself if staying in the marriage is more harmful for them. When a marriage ends, everyone involved gets hurt no matter what. The best thing to do is to talk openly and honestly with your children about what's going on. Now, I don't mean to verbally bash your ex in front of them, because that just hurts them more. I mean to explain that you and their dad can't live together anymore. It has nothing to do with anything they said or did, but it has everything to do with you and their father. Make sure your children understand that it isn't their fault. When me and my ex broke up, I told my children that their father and I still loved them, and in some ways we still loved each other and always would because we share the same love with them. We just couldn't live with each other anymore. If it's possible for you and your ex to be civil to each other, that will make a world of difference for your children. Good Luck.

Answer 5

If it really is that bad - you should leave because you will be hurting the kids even more if you stay. Remmember they will be learning from him or learning to hate their parents for giving them an unhappy home. They will end up then getting into bad relationships or acting out what they experienced as a child - your bad marriage.

Answer 6

The short answer is that you can't

The long answer is that the longer the situation remains in its present state, the worse everything will be for everyone, kids included.

If you've not sought counseling, do so. If someone involved does not wish to go to counseling, it's a sign things are critical.

It does not matter how much you love someone or how good they have the potential to be, if the relationship is damaged it must either be fixed or ended.

I wish there was an easier answer, not only for you, but for all of us who have had to go through this.

Answer 7

Kids can sense a lot of things. They know that all the stress is in the house, and they know that there are serious problems. If the marriage is truly "sick" and "bad" it is hurting them as well as you.

Answer 8

You have to be the spiritual head of your family here. Bet one thing---The kids need their family base intact to move on in this world. You made this family, now see it thru. You will not be sorry cause there are many Pluses your taking for granted here. Build on the family love that is there already, family meals, family together times, dad playing with kids, helping with homework, role molding what a man does. Keep this family worshiping in church and pray together at home, also you should ask for guidance in your prayers. The grass only looks greener if you start over, its a death of the family to your kids and they deserve your best effort here, if only to perserve whart they can count on. Do seek the professional help where needed-physical abuse, alcohol/drug/porn, and mental health problems.

Answer 9

Your kids may be hurt intially but if the marriage is bad it's best for them in the long run to end it.

My parents had a horrible marriage! My father was a drunk and abusive. When they got divorced it was awful for me, my mom was upset all the time (not with me just in general) and was depressed. My father did nothing but speak negatively about my mom and her "new friends." And my father used me as a weapon to hurt my mom. But my mother was patient and kind and loving with me. Deep down I knew it wasn't my fault and that it was best. After a while I actually started to have nightmares about my parents getting back together because I was so scared about going back to that place in my life. Now as an adult, I know it was best for my mom and me to be rid of my father.

They may not understand now but with love and attention and time, they will.

Answer 10

You are only going to be hurting the kids more in the long run if you stay in the marriage.

Answer 11

The kids will get used to it...it's better to make your self happy and get out of a bad situation. The kids will understand eventually. They will be miserable if you are...there is no reason to stay in a bad situation for the kids...it's better for them even if it doesn't seem like it now...