We have seen several counselors about this and other issues in our relationship,and he goes along,but blows off their advice to him concerning areas he must work on.We are financially 'ok',not poor,nor wealthy,but when it comes to him spending any money,he is a miser.I have to 'ask' for everything,and 99% of the time get told 'no'.So,I have to sneak behind his back to get necessities for us,even underwear from Walmart.Im tired of the sneaking part,I just want him to give in,and say 'yes' once in awhile,show some support of the home,etc....My kids are grown,so its only us two.My income goes towards bills,but some has to be used to supplement where he refuses to budge.His income is used for bills,and such too,but he only allows me to spend $75 for 2 weeks grocerys,so I supplement from my stash.
2007-06-11 08:57:40 · 13 answers · asked by ms ellimae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Quit paying the bills and tell him it's his turn.
2007-06-11 09:00:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop supplementing the necessities (use your stash for things for you only - nail polish or manicures). When he asks whats for dinner tonight and it's mac and cheese because you don't have the money for anything else maybe he'll give a little. Start spending your money on you (he probably makes a whole lot more than you do and should pay his share of expenses proportionately if he is going to act like an A$#.) If he gives you a hassle, ask him to come along to the grocery store so he can verify the prices - I bet he hasn't been in a grocery store in years - with gas prices what they are grocery prices has been sky high and just keep going up also. Stick to your guns now and then (pick your battles so you aren't fighting all the time) but when something means a lot to you ask for it several times instead of just giving in after the first no. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-06-11 16:05:17 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have tried the honest avenues. I would compare prices (Walmart is generally cheaper for everything)and cut coupons to save as much as possible and keep the difference, or buy the difference so it is included in the bill. $150 a month for groceries and incidentals is pretty dang light! I would actually get a part time job doing something you truly enjoy and keep all of it. Let him know you are doing it so as not to be a burden on him. You are doing it because you don't want to ask him for the things you sometimes want and really need. If he balks at the time away from him, then he needs to give you at least $20 more every two weeks.
2007-06-11 16:09:36 · answer #3 · answered by Kay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So how about to keep every receipt for a month and actually make a budget that shows what you really need.
If you have a valid case and the numbers to back you up than he will not have a valid reason to say no.
I know that my wife would spend every penny we have if I let her. She has no sense of priority when purchasing things. She doesn't understand why I prefer to buy the groceries for the week and paying the bills before going clothes shopping.
2007-06-11 16:51:52 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, after all this time, you are NOW trying to get him to lighten up?
The longer you took this without squealing, the harder it is for him to get it. You even let him off when counsellers were helping you?
He allows you to spend ? And it has turned you into a sneak thief of your own money?
Half of what comes into that house is yours-whether he likes it or not. No matter who makes it. Same with him.
YOu are waiting for him to change? How long you gonna wait? You want him to just be nice, and start treating you like a partner? How long you gonna wait?
You need to sit down with him and tell him how much groceries cost, and that you want an allowance starting today, and he gets an allowance. Tell him you are not asking anymore. You are agrreing with him on a budget, and showing integrity by not sneaking anymore, and not taking up his grocery tab. YOu KNOW what you have to do! You just have to have enough courage to GET what you need.
Draw a line in the sand-if you really want to change this-he is not going to change without it. I promise. Do not make any threats you will not carry out.
He is going to squawk and pout, just like the spoiled 4 year old he is, and you are going to have to hold the line-just like the BS keeper you have been.
You are not financially OK! He has access to his money and yours, and you have to beg for crumbs. When did this become ok?
Youa re an adult, and you are being treated like a child. He is EMOTIONALLY ABUSING you. You are letting him.
If you can't stick up for yourself, then you need to get outta there. You are living in fear and disrespect, not love.
See how much his alimony will buy!
E=mail me,hon.
2007-06-11 16:30:11 · answer #5 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, tell HIM to try shopping for 2 weeks of groceries on $75! That is just ridiculous. He sounds old, like my parents: "I remember when I used to go to the movies and get popcorn for a quarter." Well, great, that's a good story, Mom, but it's the 21st century now, you know? Likewise with your husband. If I were you, I would stop grocery shopping, period, and subsist on cold cereal and PB&Js. When he complains about generic corn flakes for dinner on the third night in a row, tell him either to loosen up on the money, or it'll be the same tomorrow.
2007-06-11 16:06:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Start serving him bread and butter for supper, and tell him that there's nothing else left in the house.
Take him along grocery shopping with you, and show him how little $75 will buy. Better yet - just give him the list, and tell him to go do the shopping.
2007-06-11 16:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's going to be a little difficult to change someone who is stuck in their ways. Try a new approach. Go the other way. If you go grocery shopping, buy next to nothing. Eventually he will make a comment like, why don't we have anything. Then you get to get your point across.
Time to put your foot down or he'll never change.
2007-06-11 16:03:32 · answer #8 · answered by David B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all you "ALLOW" him to control you. Why is he in charge, you are not his child are you. He only has as much control as you allow him to have. It sounds to me like you are afraid of him and that is not healthy. I think you need to get a back bone and stand up to him. I mean the cost of groceries has sky rocketed so $75 is not much at all for 2 weeks.
2007-06-11 16:13:17 · answer #9 · answered by Diana A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't going to change. Suggest that he do the grocery shopping on that $75 each two weeks.
2007-06-11 16:02:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you obviously love him...and he you else why would he go?spend the $75 and nothing else.YOu are contributing to your own mess by supplementing...He'll soon realise he will have to contribute and devise a fairer spend when he has bangers and mash 4 tea day in day out, week in week out...and it will take soem time for him to realise the cost of things.You deserve to have fun/life too. always look out for yourself. He is disrespecting you in so many ways..a lesson i learned the hard way when my hubby left me penniless...look after the purse strings as well as the heart strings.good luck
2007-06-11 16:15:55 · answer #11 · answered by pichu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋