Can "taking a break" in a relationship be healthy?

Question

Ive been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We have alot of strong feelings for eachother but lately we have been arguing non stop. So we have decided to "take a break". We are still going to communicate but just not see eachother since it always seems to turn in to a fight. Even though this was my idea, i feel a bit abandoned. Even though he is on my very last nerve i dont want to be apart from him. Do breaks really work? I really dont know what can be accomplished other than just cooling off. The problems will be there when we get back, if we get back. Please understand this is a serious (adult) relationship, we have been through alot together and have really stuck by eachother and we had planned on eventually getting married. But does this break really mean we are at the end?

Answer 1

I think it depends on the people involved, the circumstances behind the 'break', and the overall atmosphere of the relationship. Many times a 'break' symbolises that if you can't even spend three years together, the long-term prospects of the relationship aren't great. But in other times it can revitalise a relationship and make it stronger than ever.

If there are problems in the relationship that you believe can be surmounted, you'd be more productive in trying to address them I believe, but perhaps taking a break can give you chance to clear your heads and come back with a fresh perspective?

Answer 2

Taking a break can only truly help if that break does NOT include the freedom to see other people. If the purpose is to gain space and perspective, this can only be complicated by dating new people.

Don't take your break for an unspecified amount of time. Make it like two weeks or a month or something. Set goals. Each of your make a list of "requests"--things you want the other to think about and "work on" or answer when you get back together again. Keep journals (he may not want to do that). Write down what new thoughts or ideas you each have about the relationship. Finally, each of you need to take an honest look at yourself. Without being defensive, ask if maybe the accusations being made about you MIGHT be true...or at least partly true.

Problems in a relationship are almost never the fault of just one person. Oh, and you each may want to find a book that you believe will help the relationship. There are books for couples about sex, arguing, handling emotions, parenting, etc.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Like you said, the problems will still be there when you get back. The question is, are you doing this to allow the tension to subside so you can resolve the issues in a calm, not "on my last nerve" atmosphere, or are you just doing it to get away from each other hoping that "absence will make the heart grow fonder"?? If it is the former, then there is a chance it will help. If it is the later, then there is no need to pretend it is anything other than the begining of the end. Sorry to be blunt and straight forward about it, but this is a turning point in your relationship and life. You need to decide if this is a relationship you can and want to save, or if it is at the point of deciding to move on as friends before you end up hating each other. This is a hard decision to make, but I think, from the sound of your question, it is the one with which you are faced.

Answer 4

Taking a break is fine but you have to figure out what is wrong in the "big picture". Taking a break will not be beneficial if you don't COMMUNICATE! Find out what issues make you argue so much then really take a look at WHY you are arguing about them. Is one or the other of you not validating each others feelings for a situation? You need to really put aside the anger and get down to real communication. That's the ONLY way you will ever have success in ANY relationship! Good luck to you!

Answer 5

well, a break can be good but it isn't going to do any good if you think this is a solution to the problem. Most often the true reason that you guys fight all the time is probably because you both have an issue with listening to the others ideas and input over your own. Independence is good but when in a relationship its more about compromise and understanding than worrying about who is trying to control who. Sit with him ask one another what it is that gets the other so mad.Do NOT LET YOURSELF GET UPSET while they answer you. Just stay quiet and try to listen,when its their turn ask him to do the same than both you and him need to take the time to reflect on your answers and how much is really the truth.
You see, in a relationship its more important to understand each others needs and wants than just thinking of only your point of view.Understanding between people is easier than you think, but it does take a little effort.Once accomplished the sensitivity between you two will subside and you will find that you get along better than ever.

Answer 6

Taking a break CAN help. It can help you refocus your priorities and energy and see what you are missing. 9 times out of 10, however, they are just a sign of the end. A better way to deal with the problem is to get couples' counseling, if you are really serious in making it work. If not, then you may as well break up now rather than drag it on for no reason. Whatever you do, DO NOT MARRY THE GUY until all these problems are resolved! You have your work cut out for you, but it can be done if the relationship matters to you that much. Otherwise, give yourself some time, and then start looking elsewhere for Mr. Right. It happens to the best of us. Good luck!

Answer 7

Breaks are good or bad depending on your perspective. It can either make your realize that this person is not who you really want to be with or it could drive a wedge even further between you too which allows other people to step in. Me and my former Fiance took a break and now she is married to the guy she started talking to during that break with 2 kids and i am still dating around. So i could either look at it like we just weren't meant to be together or that the break broke us up for good. I mean it really depends on how strong the bond you too have. I honestly believe that breaks are no good because instead of learning to deal with your problems and figuring out a way to resolve them.. you just put them and the relationship on hold which could only lead to a break up since you two are apart and not focused on each other so other people can step in or other problems arise and even if you two make it past the break the problems will still be there. It may have calmed down but it will only come back up again because you didn't come up with a solution and you will end back up right where you were before eventually. So instead of taking a break you two need to sit down and talk and see if you really want to be with each other and what the problems are and how you two can fix them.

Answer 8

the key to making it work is to think of it as a time for you to both recover from the hurt and anger of the arguments. The bottom line is if you are ever going to have a healthy relationship you need to not only work out your current issues, but learn to work out issues in general, you never know what your going to face tomorrow.

Typically girls take longer to cool off than guys, but everyone is different.

I wouldn't recommend a long break, why don't you just wait a week or so then get together and discuss the issues. This gives you enough time to calm your emotions and think of ways to respectfully communicate your side of each issue.

In the end you both need to be able recognize each other's perspectives, even if you don't agree, just try to understand how they can see things the way they do, then be willing to compromise and be honest with yourself and the other person about the importance of each issue. Don't over exagerate the importance of one issue just because he didn't give in as much on the last issue.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

It's not necessarily the end at all. If you keep in touch by phone, email, and text, you can really have an opportunity to communicate in ways you hadn't done before. When my husband and I separated we talked a lot and had some very meaningful conversations. I missed him terribly, but we just had to take a break. You may come back really appreciating each other more than ever. It's a difficult thing to do, but your reunion and rebuilding of your marriage could really be worth the time spent apart.

Answer 10

It's the end if you allow it to be the end. Perhaps instead of a 'break', you should try relationship counseling. As you said, a break is just delaying getting back to the problems that will still be there...nothing is being done to change/fix them.

Typically a break is the precursor to a break-up. If you want to save the relationship the two of you need to resolve the issues you are fighting about...either just together or with professional help.