Seeing a Married woman. Help!?

Question

I have been seeing a woman for a year now and 6 months ago she told me that she was married. It was very difficult for me to deal and I thought about leaving her but, my feelings are stuck. She told me that her marriage has basically taken a dive 2 years ago. They live together and she sleeps in her own room.

Her husband knows about me and now he is trying his best to save the marriage. She told me that she doesn’t love him anymore but feels bad for him. He is basically stuck with his work and not romantic or thoughtful at all. He has never sent her flowers nor done anything for her like simple dinners.Me, on the other hand, I have sent her flowers every week and still write her love letters and mail them to her(I am 31 years old).

She has stepped into love with me and so have I. but, now we are taking a break from each other just to give her a better chance to think about this whole thing.

I wanted to know if there is a great chance that she will go back to him or stay with me. Why does she want to be left alone? I have never been in this situation and I am always in control with myself until now. What is the outcome going to be? Is this really wrong what I have done even though I didn’t know in the beginning? Please help!

Answer 1

If she wants to be left alone, it's a sign that she is trying to work it out. I would not see her again unless she moves out. There is always a chance that you are going to get hurt because more times they choose the one they have been with forever or the one that they married...just a thought!

Answer 2

The lady you are dating has some very shaky background.
Here is what's wrong:
1. She cheated on her husband (no matter how bad the relationship was). So she can cheat on you also. Remember that all the love songs she sang for you, at some point she sang the same to her husband. But it's all worthless if she cannot stay by her commitments.

2. She cheated you of the opportunity to make a sane and logical decision. If you had known from the first day that she was married, you would have probably made the decision to leave her. She knew that. So she waited until she was sure you were in love before telling you.

3. She then went back to her husband telling about you, in effect pitting you two against each other. It made her husband jealous and asking her to give up on you. This might have been what she wanted in the first place.

4. Now after all the love songs she sang for you, she is telling you that she is not sure! she needs time to think about the whole thing. Well she has had 1 whole year to think about it!!!

The bottom line is that you are in love with a snake and you are getting bitten pretty badly.

Your choice!
Good luck.

Answer 3

How do you know the husband knows? Not too many husbands out there would have let you lived to tell the story.

She is obviously living it up, and I sure hope there are no kids involved here.

You are not "in love" because you would of never been willing to share her with another man. She said she sleeps in her own room, this is probably the #1 lie for all cheaters out there.

I hope you get something out of this, since you have put so much effort into a triangle affair.

Give her the space, go out and meet other friends. When you stop calling her so much, she will start calling you back. You need to be aware of the real reason, why she doesn't leave leaver her husband, could be he is a better provider.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Follow me on this for a second: You and her husband switch places. Now you're the guy in the house, working everyday to hold it down, and (no matter how terrific you might be) you're human so you have some problems. Now she's discussing your shortcomings with the next guy, and seems poised to fall into "love" with this character. How do YOU feel? For some people the grass is always greener in the other person's yard, and there's always someone else that's to blame for their unhappiness. Consider this: She didn't respect her husband enough to remain faithful to him, she hasn't respected you enough to be honest with you about even being married (until 6 months ago), nor does she respect your "relationship" enough to make a clean break with her past (and presumably the security HE provides) to give you both a chance to make a legitimate effort of it, so what does that tell you? This situation is likely to wilt faster than the flowers you bought her once the full weight of the relationship is squarely on your shoulders. Marriages are supposed to be inviolate. Do yourself a favor: Tell her to call you once she's truly free to move on, then see where you stand at that point. You may be surprised at her response, but it'll save you a ton of grief later on. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

You should have left as soon as you found out she was married, even though you did not know in the beginning. The outcome should be that you love her, but you want someone that is only for you. It sounds like you are probably a great guy that fell head over heals for the wrong woman. Call it a lesson learned. By the way, if you marry and your relationship started this way, your chances of getting divorced are about 70%.

Answer 6

WEll, if you didnt know at first, thats not really your fault. NOw that you know, it seems like you have stepped back to let her figure out her life. ALot of things will play into this situation that will determine who she chooses. Does she have children? If so, she may NEVER leave her husband. 9 out of 10 times does a married person ever leave their spouse for their lover, so be prepared for that.

At this point, you really just need to step back and let her figure out her life. Don't let YOU be the reason her marriage didnt work, let it be her unhappiness and her choice. Wait for as long as you can, but dont put your life on hold for her either. This is a tough one, but you need to do the right thing and leave her alone, love her or not, she is a married woman.

Answer 7

Hi, cerealkiller. I'm sorry, this is a really hard situation to be in. Unfortunately, being in love with someone who's married to someone else is pretty common.

Your gal has it both ways and apparently she likes it that way. If she didn't, she'd leave him. Period. No matter what she says, her actions are telling you what she really wants. She is comfortable being married to her husband and also getting love, flowers, and letters from you. Are you comfortable with it? It doesn't sound like it.

You have a choice to make here. You can accept the situation the way it is, or you can leave her. It's hard to leave someone you're in love with! But, hon, I promise--you'll get over her.

Because you're still in love with her, if you leave her you'll have to make it a complete break. No seeing her ever. No phone calls, no letters, no emails. You'll have to tell her not to call or write to you. I know it sounds harsh, but if there's still contact you'll have a much harder time getting over her. And, remember, she'll have a strong motivation to keep things the way they are now. You'll have to resist that.

Once you've broken it off, you'll need to keep yourself active. Go out and do stuff, be with people. Volunteer, do sports, do the kinds of things where you'll meet the kind of people you want in your life.

If you do all this, you'll have grief and pain, but you will get over her and be okay again, I promise. It might take months, even a year or so, but it will happen.

You deserve to have a relationship with somebody fabulous who adores you and isn't married to someone else. You can get that. But you'll have to get out of this affair first.

Good luck.

Answer 8

It wasn't wrong because you did not know. However, now it would be wrong. You cannot continue this relationship until after she divorces. He is not romantic? Is that his worst flaw? She had an affair! She is disloyal and disrespectful. Which is worse? Do not be the cause of a failed marriage. Let them end it on their own. If she ends it and comes back to you then you can start fresh.

Answer 9

I think that this woman is playing you and unless you have MET her husband and been introduced as her lover to him...I think she's lying through her teeth. If you have taken a break it's probably for her to keep him from leaving her. If she really wanted to leave she would be gone by now. I wouldn't hold my breath. I know you love her and I may sound harsh, but nobody deserves the crumbs of love. You deserve the who cake! Good luck.

Answer 10

Married people rarely leave their spouses. You set yourself up to be hurt when you learned she was married and continued the relationship. Obviously her husband's attempt to save the marriage is having an effect on her... though honestly, if she intended to leave she would have left a long time ago.

Move on and start a relationship, a healthy relationship, with a woman who is able to committ to only you.