My soon to be mother-in-law hates me because I am white, and her daughter is black. She has told my fiance that she doesn't want me around and the her last boyfriend, who was black but he treated her horribly and cheated on her constantly, is better than I could ever be. I have been successful as a teacher and writer, and am now even teaching college, and I have been honest about who i am and given her nothing but respect, but she has made it clear that because I am white, I am, to quote her, "a piece of ****". She has said that she wants nothing to do with me, and if my fiance marries me, wants nothing to do with her, or any children we may have. What can I do?
2007-06-11 07:04:42 · 14 answers · asked by D P 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Neither you nor your fiance can live for that woman. You two have made a decision that you want to make a life together. She should not be a determining factor in terms of you making this happen. It is unfortunate that she feels this way. I believe that she will get over her issues as time progresses. She may say these hateful things now, but once you two are established and have children, I think she will change her tune. As she gets to know you, she will see that you are indeed a good man. If she decides to have nothing to do with you or her daughter, then perhaps it is for the best, she obviously has issues and her lack of presence in your lives would create a better stress-free environment.
2007-06-11 07:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is America....
This is the most racist country on Earth. Racism soaks the soil of America. Look at what James8910 just wrote. This is why some Blacks choose to have nothing to do with white people. You can only take so much of it before you get fed up with it. I don't really blame the mother for feeling the way she feels. It is not fair because she didn't even give you a chance to prove yourself. But 10 times out of 10 her mother has had some very very negative experiences with white people.
I have also. So I can identify. The only thing I can say is true love conquers all. If it is destined to be it will be. Treat her like a queen and everything else will fall into place.
2007-06-11 07:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take the bait! She is setting you up to make a blunder so she can say, "I told you so" to her daughter. Tell your fiance that you love and respect her and know that it is your duty to respect her mother, even if her mother is uncomfortable about the situation, Your first concern is the happiness of your intended. Leaving her to please her mother only subjects her to an over-controlling mother who does not have her best interests at heart. Don't criticize the future mother-in-law, because anything you say can and will be held against you when the going gets tough.
These things do blow over in time.
2007-06-11 07:15:39 · answer #3 · answered by Suzianne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love conquers all.
Believe it.
Your soon-to-be wife believes in you. That's all that matters. Gone are the days when one married into a family. Now you marry the one you marry and that's it.
Permit her to hate you but do not hate her in return. She may never come around but you will be with the one you love. Looks like a good deal to me.
2007-06-11 07:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by rhapword 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there really isn't a lot that you can do. It is obvious that her hatred for white people didn't rub off on her daughter so you know that her love for you is pure. The only thing that you can do is just love her mother from a distance. If she cuts all ties from you and your family she will be the one missing out on the beauties of life not you. just pray for her and keep moving forward.
2007-06-11 07:34:46 · answer #5 · answered by desiree60411 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
easy nothing, there is nothing you can do about someone who feels that strongly about an issue. the best i could suggest for you to do is simply try and support your girl in this 'cause this is bound to get rough for her as well and just keep moving. if this woman is so willing to walk off on the two of you over just this it really doesn't sound like someone you'd want around in the first place does it? all that shows is what kind of person she is and does not reflect either of you in the slightest
2007-06-11 07:23:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just communicate with your fiance' how you feel so the two of you know whats to expect from those around you. I'm sure you're use to some conflict being and interracial couple.
Maybe she'll come around in the future, if not its your wife that will miss her most.
2007-06-11 07:11:55 · answer #7 · answered by Let's Find Peace 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
DP, I think your mother inlaw is racist, but I can relate to you because I am a black lady and I am dating a white guy. My own perception of interracial dating is this: IT IS NO ONE'S BUSINESS WHO I DATE. IF YOU CANT ACCEPT MY PARTNER, THEN YOU CANT ACCEPT ME, AND VICE VERSA. If you let your future mother inlaw take control over you and your fiancee, your fiancee is eventually going to feel pressured into an ultimatum. I wouldnt take crap from noone...not even my family, but I dont let them control my life.
MY ADVICE: Live your life and enjoy your happiness together. You can only invite her into your lives to share your happiness, but if she wants none of it, then that's her own choosing. You willbe surprised how some parents come around after a few years, especially with the birth of their grandkids.
2007-06-11 07:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance needs to confront her and tell her she needs to respect you! Or move far away from her. I had the same problem, I was even going to leave him because I couldn'd put up with her comments but i DECIDED, I'm not going to let her win!
2007-06-11 07:12:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I you really love her daughter and you treat her with respect , do what your heart tells you. Only time will tell if your soon to be mother-in -law will learn not to hate you.
Good luck
2007-06-11 08:14:31 · answer #10 · answered by Heather M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋