I think Im affraid of marriage...?

Question

I love my boyfriend and I love being with him but the whole idea of getting married makes me scared. I don't know why. I am pretty sure I have a fear of commitment, even in other adreas of my life, just not sure what to do about it. I also had a really bad breakup (a long time ago) that I think had a huge effect on me. I even took some time away from my relationship to figure things out but really just wanted him back. Anyone have some useful advice??? I just want to relax and get married without the anxiety!!

Answer 1

you should be terrified, not just scared

Answer 2

If you are scared of being married then DONT go for it. That means you're not ready.
I dont know how old you are but think of these questions before you think about marrige:

1. Could you live with this person forever with no changes in him? (For instance, if he has a bad habit of being messy, can you live with that forever? Chances are, he's not going to change)

2. If he gets a job offer in another state, would you be willing to follow him there?

3. If he decides to go in the military could you be supportive?

4. If you had a big fight with each other over something like money, would you be commited enough to stay together or would you run to your mom or girlfriends to complain?

5. Are you willing to keep your married life private? Guys do not like for you to tell your girlfriends every single thing that goes wrong in your marriage. If you have a bad habit of telling your friends every thing in your personal lives, expect some trouble later in your marriage. The problems that will come in your marriage should only be discussed between you and him (and God) otherwise you break his trust and he will feel he cant tell his personal feelings or problems.

6. What if he loses his job and money is tight for a while? Will you still stay by his side and put aside your shopping habits and support him finding another one?

7. If he gets disabled in some way, will you still be willing to stick by his side?

8. If his parents and family celebrate holidays in a different way than you do, can you compromise or will you insist on your own family's way of doing things?

9. Can you see this man being a good parent someday?

If you cant readily answer yes to these questions you're probably not ready. Tell your boyfriend that you're just not ready for marriage and that you want to continute dating until you are emotionally mature enough to make the decision. Pray about it and God will make it clear whether he is the one for you or not.

Answer 3

Good that you recognize the fear. My advice is DON'T GET MARRIED.

I don't say that as a slam on the institution of marriage. But the only time you should marry is what you are 100% comfortable in the decision. If your fear is palatable now, imagine the sense of uncertainty and entrapment when you're in a marriage.

Wait and see how you're feeling after some time. If you still feel the same, that's OK. Not everyone is cut out for marriage and, again, that's OK.

Answer 4

Why do you want to get married?
Marriage does not add security or safety.
Just focus on your relationship and don't get married.
A marriage certificate is just promise note to pay lawyers lots of money in case you decide to break up.
The lawyers don't need the money, so don't get married.

Answer 5

if you feel like that way, then trust your instincts. But, I think that you need to realize that things in your life have changed and whatever happened before is in the past. Try to live in the moment and make your decisions based on that.

Answer 6

I waited until I was 42 to go there.

Answer 7

I don't half blame you....everyone should be afraid of marriage....maybe we'd all take it a little more seriously.