My husband and I were married in January.?

Question

We are both 20. He now says he thinks we should have waited. We have been together for 4 years. I didn't force him into marriage and I was totally shocked when he proposed. I just don't know what to say or how I should feel about this. All I feel is hurt.

Answer 1

"He now says he thinks we should have waited"

Little too late for that, don't you think?!!!

Answer 2

It sounds to me that he never really cared for you and now has his sights set on a new girl but he is now tied down in marriage. This guy is pathetic I think you must explain to him that he was the one that proposed and if you ever meant anything to him that he would make this marriage work.

Divorce is just not suppose to be an option or I think I screwed up I need out of this. Really this is suppose to be the best time of your lives. One thing though you say you were shocked when he proposed maybe that was your gut instinct going man I'm to young to marry right now I have to finish school first. Since you agreed to marry him your at as much fault for this screw up. Really though marriage is a bond and it takes time to come the realization that this is the person I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with I think after four years you guys should have known if this was your life mate or not. It does appear you felt this way but now he is having second thoughts.

Answer 3

You probably should have waited and just finished growing up a bit more. You've been together throughout some of the most formative years of your life but you have a lot of growing and changing to do over the next ten years. I would be hurt if he told me that as well but you have to focus on the marriage and what it is that he's concerned about before you make any major decisions regarding it. He may just be afraid of something that you can help with and vice versa. Either way being honest with each other will be very helpful. Good luck.

Answer 4

I have a friend who went through that same thing....you are going through now..

my friend and her husband divorced, they married too young, and both realized they had less in common then thought originally when things were new and exciting.....the bigger picture is what you have to keep in mind here...sometimes love, infatuation , togetherness isn't enough to make "a marriage"...

i understand your hurt feelings, but you also have to understand and see where he's coming from...

He's not all to blame for this..maybe you are to blame a tiny little bit too...im not saying you're wrong or he's wrong...im not married yet, but i know enough to say, it takes 2 to make a relationship and a marriage work, and it takes 2 to break something most of the time... but it only takes 1 persons doubt for things to be over.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

When he gets home from work tonight, Faded Flowerz, you march right up to him and demand, "What the heck did you mean by that?" Tell him that you made the most significant decision of your life in agreeing to marry him, and that you honored him by doing so. For him to say, after a mere four months of marriage, that you guys should have waited is simply outrageous! Tell him if he feels that way, you can end your marriage just as easy as pie! Really, you need to get mad. Get in his face and demand an accounting! Don't meekly accept this, and let it sadden you. Fight back, girl! Maybe he was only having a momentary regret (and I am sure that is what it is), but you are in the marriage too! How dare he say something like that, after you gave up your life for him? Go get him, girl! Nip this in the bud and make it right!

Answer 6

Does he say "why" he feels you should have waited? If you are having many problems, maybe he's saying it in a "sensible" way. Though if my husband were to say that to me I'd be hurt too I suppose. Just talk to him, you guys are rather young but since you already said "I do" then do. Take your vows seriously and work everyday at your marriage. As you grow up together you'll begin to get closer and things will fall into place...trust me on that. But you both have to want it. If you want it and he doesn't, then no matter what you do it will fail. Good luck.

Answer 7

He may feel that way but he cant go back in time. My ex and I were about 20 when we got married and stayed together for 12 years. Looking back, I probably should not have married him but its not because we got married too young. He just wasnt the right one for me.

Your husband is probably just reacting to seeing his single friends out having fun. It is good that he openly talks to you about his feelings though. Keep the dialogue going and show him how fun and satisfying a good marriage can be. Im sure he loves you but just needs reassurance that he made the right decision at the right time. Good luck!

Answer 8

Its a shock thing for him I think. I was married at 19 and still married to him. we are now 45. Take him out on a nice date. Maybe where you first got together or something like that. He will be OK as long as you are. Don't freak out I think its just a man thing.

Good Luck

Answer 9

Well it's too late, you didn't wait now you are married and you have to make the best of it. Sounds like he wants to cheat or else he is cheating. I'd be watching him real close.
You should feel really insulted and disrespected. You are his wife now and you are to be treated as a fragile vessel filled with fine wine, that's what God says. You have every right to feel hurt, he has hurt you.
I think he is cheating.

Answer 10

Maybe you were a little young when you got married but it's no point moaning about it.
I would try to find out what exactly bothers him. Does he not love you anymore? Is it sexual? Is he bored? Are his friends giving him a hard time? Tell him to think long and hard about what bothers him. He should be a man and has to take the consequences of his actions.

Answer 11

Maybe you should have waited. But you didn't. You are husband and wife. Let him know you are not wanting to throw your marriage away. Ask him what it will take to make this work.