My Wife & I have been separated for nearly a year, A couple of months ago she told me that after this time apart, even though we have actually been getting on well as a family ( we have 2 kids 5 & 2 yo) she does not want to try to get back together. I still love her & want to be with her & the children but she insists that she doesn't want that.
She has started dating again & is doing a fine job of 'moving on' much better than me anyway! My question is, now that we have been separated for this time & she has decided on her course of action, should we divorce & make it official? We are both equally to blame for the breakdown of the marriage so unfortunately this is more a question of 'what next?' than who deserves what.
2007-06-11 05:25:59 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's time to move on, you can love someone but not be able to live with them.
Do the following:
1. Set down with her and discuss it being over
2. Talk about assets, bills, custody, visitation, child support
3. If you both agree then just get one atty.
4. If there are any sticking points, get separate attys.
5. Generally whom ever has the kids when the papers are filed the kids stay with them until the court decides
6. try to make #3 happen
If not here and you not the custodial parent, you want the following.
1. The child support is to be divided between the kids. If you owe $500.00 a mo. and one of them move in with you, you'll continue to owe $500.00 a mo. until you go back to court.
2. If the kids go to college, have it set up where upon entering college, the money goes to the child going to college and to mom.
3. You'll want to claim the kids at least every other year.
4. Stay in and be a part of the kids lives no matter how bad it gets. Believe it come back to you if you do.
5. NEVER EVER use your kids to send messages to their mother.
6. Always try to maintain a working relationship with their mother. Just because you two don't get along, you still have children to raise together. And support each other as the kids get older.
Hope this helps
2007-06-11 06:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has made up her mind, then you have no choice but to divorce. It will be painful for you, but you have to remember that a divorce does not mean that the two of you can't have a civil relationship with each other and both be great parents to your children. You can sit down and talk to the kids together and make sure they know how much you both love them. In the meantime, try some counseling for yourself to help you move on. Good luck!
2007-06-11 12:32:32 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is better than a divorce and we as men always will get the worst of it from an emotional and especially financial standpoint, If she doesn't want to try and work things and and maybe stay together for the children's sake, that kind of makes her selfish, however, if she truely wants a divorce then it's best to get it over with so you both can move on. I hope you get the kids...
2007-06-11 12:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by Joseph D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is committing adultery by dating other men. You now have the only acceptable reason for divorce in God's opinion. You can't make some one love you. You don't want someone who doesn't want you. Get a divorce make a better choice in the future. Take a long time, a long, long courtship before marriage again.
2007-06-11 12:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is better to go on with the divorce,
Sounds like you have a pretty good
head, and just don't blame it on one.
It will do you no good or her to go on,
but keep on friendly terms. There was
something you liked before you broke
up, and it is so much better on the
children, not to use them against
each other. also let the children know
sometimes things don't work out
the way you both planed You can
atleast be friends and let the children
know you both love them, but go on with
your life too.
2007-06-11 12:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by CHEROKEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it official and move on. When you first separate you're mad but after time you forget the bad, for some reason, and remember good times that were likely few and far between!
It's a shame when the kids are so young but it would be harder if they were that little bit older. Concentrate your energy on your children.
2007-06-11 12:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by Lesley M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only help I can really give is. Breath. yea its hard sometimes to get over all the humps and bumps. There are some that are just so big you cant see how you will ever get over it. But every so often just stop take a breath. I always used the hot tub when things where getting to much for me....
Ready
Close your eyes... You are in a hot tub on a beautiful beach. you have a good drink in one hand and a good (wo)man in the other. relax
You can make it .
Good luck
2007-06-11 12:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by kkapustka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to invest 6 months of couples counseling in the family before making her final decision. If she still wants to move on, there isn't much you can do about it. The next step would be divorce, but you don't have to be the one to initiate it.
2007-06-11 12:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes two people to make a marriage. no matter how much you want it to work, if she doesn't, then the marriage is doomed.
if she's letting other men stick their ***** in her then she's truly turned her back on her marriage and you.
similar situation: I've been separated about a year and a half, two kids 7 & 4.
2007-06-11 12:33:49 · answer #9 · answered by Coz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both don't think you could work it out or aren't willing to try to work it out...then yeah divorce. I was seperated from my ex for almost 2 yrs before we got divorced. I knew I didn't want him back and knew it wasn't going to work but he thought it was. I finally filed and I am now happily married to someone else. And I have a 5 yr old.
2007-06-11 12:30:27 · answer #10 · answered by SnAzZy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋