We are fighting over our son's night time routine?

Question

My 4 months son started sleeping thought the night two weeks ago. As his doctor recomended, I let him cry for three nights and then he starting sleeping throught the night and eating more during the day. The problem is my husband. He gets home from work after midnight, when I am asleep, and when the baby wakes up he gives him his bottle, but then the baby does't eat much during the day and wakes up frequently to feed at night. I know he can go throught the night withouth feeding, but my husband thinks he is hungry and feeds him behing my back. We have been fighting over this for the past two days, what shall I do? I want him to sleep throught the night, but my husband is not supportive at all...

Answer 1

That's tough because your husband probably is just trying to spend more time with him since he works through the evening hours. But I totally agree with you, the baby needs to get on a schedule and stick to it. Maybe hide all of the formula and bottles? Iol... men are stubborn, good luck trying to get him to understand.

Answer 2

Feeding a baby is one way of bonding. Maybe your husband misses your son and is trying to find a way to be close again.

Four month olds can still use a feeding at night, so why not let this be your husband's job. If he'll agree to feed him on his days off too, what harm could it do? They baby will adapt quickly to this new schedule. That's one of the wonderful things about babies; they can adapt. Since he's working an alternative schedule, maybe the baby should have an allternative schedule, too?

Try to encourage your husband in loving and caring for your baby. Lots of wives try to control every aspect of the baby and end up pushing the husband away because they don't think they can do anything right. Sounds like you have a pretty good husband, so let him do what he can to bond.

One thing to think about is why is so important to you to have him sleep through the night when you husband is willing to take on the late night feeding? It's not going to benefit the baby any if he sleeps all night. It's not helping you to catch up on much needed sleep because Hubby's the one up with him. Maybe you could use your mornings to do something for you? Resume your hobbies, read a book, veg out.

Don't lot this become a wedge between you two. I'm sure he's not trying to undermine you, but talk to him when you're both calm and the baby is resting and try to work out a compromise.

Answer 3

well, actually...... i think this "routine" your doctor recommended is unnatural. Baby does not need to cry hopelessly to "learn the lesson". He cries because: a)he's hungry b)he needs mommy or daddy c) he feels abandoned.
Your baby does need a schedule, but he is going to let you know more or less how he needs his schedule to be arranged. You can always come to an "agreement" (for example, just one feed at night). 4-months-old can definitevely feel hungry at night, and not feeding him is simply letting him stay hungry until the next morning. Also, it affects the breast-feeding process(that is if you're brest-feeding).

In any case, your husband is probably craving some daddy-and-son time together. That only shows he is a good dad, please understand him. If he never gets to see his son, it's natural he wants to be with him if only for a couple of minutes. I think it's ok. Listen to what he has to say about this "routine", and do some research together, maybe you'll find he was right all along.

Answer 4

I sounds more like your husband is using the "bottle" as an excuse to spend time with your/his baby. I don't blame him, if he works a lot(like my hubby) then every little whimper he'll rush in to be with your son. If this is the case, I'd let it go. Just allow your husband to give him a bottle. Let him cry if he's waking more than once, but if there is one thing I've learned with a baby(my son is 2 now), is mom and dad have very different styles but sometimes Mom just needs to ease up and just go with it. If your husband wants to spend time giving a bottle...let him. But also tell him that HE has to be the one to get little Jr. back to sleep after and allow him to do that his own way. You can also try and bring him to bed with the two of you...that way you both get to snuggle with him. I know it seems like super important to get him on "schedule" but, take it from me, it goes by fast and soon you're BOTH going to wish you could wake him up to hang out! Good luck!

Answer 5

Is he waking the baby to feed him? I think you should go a little easier on your husband, he probably enjoys that time with his son if he is working all day until after midnight. There will be plenty of time to "train" your son to sleep through the night, and this time your husband is spending with him and bonding with him is way more important to your son, and your husband. If the baby wakes anyway, then isn't he just doing you a favor?

Answer 6

It's really hard to listen to your baby cry. And for the last 3 months the fist thing that he's probably done when your baby starts to cry is feed him. So now it's stuck in his head that when his baby cries it needs food.
I would try to tell him that it's what is best for the baby. If you don't teach him how to sleep now, it'll be really hard to teach him later. Trust me, we didn't start teaching our son how to sleep through the night until he was 6 months old. He did start sleeping though the night at 10 months. Then he learned how to walk, and he hasn't slept though the night since.

Answer 7

I'd tell your husband that if he wants to feed your Son in the middle of the night against what you say then he can take over ALL the feedings! One of you has to be in charge of how things are done. Since you spend most of the time taking care of the baby, then you should be in charge! If he wants to undermind what you are doing, then get up and go out and I'd leave him with the baby and let him figure out who should watch him, change him, and feed him! If that doesn't get through to him, then take the baby and leave! Tell him when he can accept how you are going to do things with the baby, you'll come back! Take your power, take charge and don't back down!

HOW CAN ALL YOU IDIOTS READ THE SAME QUESTION AND NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE ASKED AND GIVE SUCH STUPID ANSWERS???

Answer 8

I have been through the same type of thing with my husband. We would fight about it and nothing was ever resolved. Try waiting for a neutral time, when you're not fighting and just going about your days.... then sit him down and talk to him. Don't just tell him the reasons why you don't want him fed at night...tell him how it makes you feel when he doesn't listen to you. It hurts your feelings and makes you feel like he isn't taking your thoughts into consideration because it makes it much harder on you the next day. I hope this helps you!

Answer 9

tell your husband that the baby is fine during the night... and that it is healthy that he is sleeping through... helps both of you to... if the baby is given to much can lead cause slight weight problems in the child... you need your sleep just as much as anyone so this is a good habit for the child what he is doing is breaking the habit which can make things harder in the long run

Answer 10

you have to try and explain to him that the baby will not learn that he needs to sleep right through the night if he keeps feeding him, and he's at that age now that he can sleep right through. explain to him that the feeds he gets during the day are enough, and that the baby wakes up because he knows no better, not that he's always hungry. good luck:)

Answer 11

ouch, well for starters i under stand that you are tired and it sucks, but maybe thats the time your husband feels comfortable bonding with your child. i would tell my husband that i have this schedule for a reason , if he wants to spend time with the baby while the baby is awake fine but do not disrupt his feeding schedule. or if he feels that f eeding the baby is a way to bond have him give the baby a bottle of water. good luck