He is very wealthy and well respected in the community, I am a stay at home mom, and dont have any friends as people keep on running to him about stories of me bad mouthing him. I can't deal with his ex or his daughter, neither can he deal with mine. He has a very aggresive streak, which scares me, but for the first time he hurt me, hit my head against the wall, gabbed me by my neck, pulled my hair out, I hit him back, all this happened infront of our kids that we had together (ages 2 and 4) He demands me to get out his house, if I dont he will disconnect the electicity, show the world I cant look after my children, he takes away the car. But when he calms down he cries, says what a bad man he is, bad father, and I forgave him every time.
Now 2 weeks after the abuse, it hit me that THIS is what I never wanted from a relationship, this is not me. But I can not speak to him he will get angry again and ......knows what he would do, should I go for councelling?
2007-06-11 04:59:43 · 18 answers · asked by Ella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen, I know that everyone is going to tell you to leave and their right you need to. But not just for yourself but for your children. I grew up in an environment just like yours until I was 16. My mother was in an abusive relationship with my two little brother's father. All I ever remember from my childhood is my mother being beat all of the time and the cops constantly being called. Eventually he started to beat me as well for no reason just because he was upset. He would call my mother from jail and cry to her telling her that he has a problem and that he needs help. So she would drop the charges and then he would come home and life would be great for a week and then all of the sudden he would flip out again. Finally when I was 16 I ran away to my grandmother's house she called the cops and reported the abuse. As always my mother dropped the charges, however I didn't. But the son of a ***** only got 2 years. But in the end the only reason my mother had gotten away from him was because of me, during the two years she started over and got married and he is gone. I will never forgive my mother for the miserable childhood she let me have, she could have left at any time, but didn't want to be alone. If you truly love yourself and your children you will leave, the beatings will never stop, they will only get worse until he one day goes too far and then your children will be orphans. Counseling won't do anything, abusers never stop, you need to come to terms with that.
2007-06-11 05:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by 7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me i grew up in this kind of environement and it's not good. they never stop do you know how many times I watched my dad beat on my mom and us and then turn around and cry and say how sorry he was and all this other stuff then go right back and do it again. It's not healthy for you children at all I suggest you stash some money and find away out even if you have to go to a women and childrens shelter. Also if you do decide to stick around through all of this just remember that you are teaching your kids not sure what they are boy/girls so i'll do both but your teaching your daughters that it's okay for a man to beat on her as long as he says he is sorry and she will settle for that in life and if it is a boy you are teaching him that it is fine for him to beat on women because as long as he says he sorry they will forgive him in the end he will be in the same situation an abusive relationship my advice is to get out now before it is too late. Luckily my mother left my dad and they also divorced although it took 27 years but she has been seperated from him for 10 he always told her she would never make it without him and she has a great job and has made it this far. Good Luck to you in all your decisions. Just remember you should do what is best for your children.
2007-06-11 05:09:41 · answer #2 · answered by Sasha R 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you speak to an advocate at your local domestic violence shelter, they can give you different options that can help you. That can also include counseling and possible legal help. You really need to focus on the well being of your children. Witnessing this type of abuse can be detrimental to their well being. Some states (I don't know which do and which don't) consider it cruelty to children for one parent to be abused by another parent in the children's presence. Keep in mind that the abuse is more than likely going to get worse not better. Your local shelter will also know that domestic violence victims comes in all different economic backgrounds and alot of the time the worse abusers are well respected in the community. They generally are very good manipulators. Get help! You don't deserve to be someone elses punching bag.
2007-06-11 08:30:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your head and your heart...This situation is NOT right and it is not healthy for you or your two kids.
This man is sick...He has SEVERE issues he has to deal with; and he knows that hitting you is not right...!
NO ONE has the right to hit or abuse another person.
Get out now and tell your family about this immediately.
You need others to help you pack. Take your children somewhere else and get a lawyer's opinion on what to do and how to do it....So now you see why he has an ex-wife! She probably went through the same hell he's putting you through now!!!
Abusive and violent men DO NOT CHANGE- and if he has already hurt you, he will do it again if you are still there. He may cry and regret his actions later,,,but do you REALLY want to suffer your whole life?
And do you want your kids to SEE and HEAR what he does to you? Children learn by example, and in the future they may grow up to do the same thing to others because they saw it in their home and they'll think this is normal in a marriage- and it is NOT....!
He is an adult and he should be mature and look for therapy to help him overcome his issues. You cannot force him to go- he HAS to WANT to change himself. So I'd say get out now, look for family and friends' support, and leave him. Perhaps if you do this he will realize he HAS a big problem and will do something about it...
Remember: You need to love and respect yourself first, in order for others to love and respect you, too...
Good luck and take care of yourself and your kids ...!
2007-06-11 05:17:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take your children and go to a women's shelter and do it quietly and quickly. If he finds out what you are planning to do he will become violent again.
You may need counseling after you get away from him, but not now. Now you need to get out of that house before he seriously hurts you.
He will never change. The best chance of stopping an abuser like him is intensive psychotherapy and possibly medication and at best that is only somewhat successful. Most abusers will not even admit that they are abusers. He might apologize after an episode, but he will not admit to being abusive.
You said that this is not the life for you and you are right. Get away before it is too late.
Take care,
Troy
2007-06-11 05:49:34 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes 50/50 for a controversy. You the two are at fault right here for disagreeing and not talking., or talking. She in all probability feels the comparable way approximately you, looking it puzzling to split from from the marriage. You made a mistake with the aid of helping her create wealth of her own?? once you have been "starting to be" that wealth, did you the two not come to an settlement, on climate to proportion that wealth, if not, that replaced into your own fault. Oh, particular, she feels extra empowered now, because of the fact the wealth is all hers, on the grounds which you probably did not talk together with her on her sharing her wealth as quickly as she have been given it. She is plenty extra perfect off than you on the grounds which you're actually not from now on the subject, in charge thoughts, thoughts of unhappiness, and shoulda, coulda, wuddas. i think of you may get a backbone and discover out what you probably did to make her prosperous, and do the comparable for you. the place there's a will, there's a vogue.
2016-11-10 02:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ARE YOU INSANE ?
THE SIGNS ARE ALL THERE...EX WIFE 1 LEFT HIM..WHY SHOULDN'T YOU..
no one needs to be disrespected and abused like that, especially in front of your own children..
YOU FORGIVING HIM EVERY TIME MAKES YOU WANT PEOPLE CALL " A DOORMAT"..and trust me thats the last thing you want to be now...
Pack up the kids, and leave...for your health, your safety and your children..do it for the kids please..you really need to get out..
NO Counceling no talking...no working things things out no compromise.....LEAVE... or you could end up dead and might not be so lucky 2nd time around..
The kids need a mom that has a back bone...and someone who is strong for them...
2007-06-11 05:10:17 · answer #7 · answered by cnn360coffeebubbles 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should move out of the house, go to a battered women's shelter with the children. Today. Yes you need counseling. CPS can take the kids because you know he is abusive and you are still there. They are in danger and so are you. RUN!!!!
I had friends, he was abusive, he shot her in the face and killed her, then killed himself............... Don't let that happen to you!!! Move today, don't let another minute pass. Find the nearest shelter.
2007-06-11 05:07:12 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you every see the movie "The burning Bed" Don't end up in jail over this pig get out before someone get's killed.. Btw if i was on the jury i would never convict you if you did.. A man hands should never be put on a woman unless it's to show affection or during sex.. Why are men such pigs
2007-06-11 05:11:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Under "no circumstances" accept abuse. If you love him very much, then, find counseling to help him. But DO NOT CONTINUE to be abused. Be hard and STOP it.....in one way or the other. If you need to go away, do so. If you need to get legal help, do so. There are 800 numbers you can call to report abuse. Good luck..
2007-06-11 05:18:35 · answer #10 · answered by Ah All This! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋