Yes, It is Monday, Yes, I am tired and really do not want to be here at work. I am going to be married 20 years soon... (second marriage for both of us) kids and step kids are gone, no more of that drama, husband is semi retired, but I work full time. I am just wondering if I am happy. I used to be. I am in a rut, (my husband is happy with this rut) I am not sure if I want to continue with this content life. I love him, like my life, but don't know if I am really "happy" or if I am really able to experience happiness. Sometimes I think if I was alone, I would be happy, but who knows. I ask my husband all the time to try different things, but he wont.. I do things by myself or with my friends, concerts,walks, (things that he will not share with me) I want to do things together, but he just says sure, but we never do them, but I share in things that he wants to do that I have no interest in just to be with him. Has anyone ever had doubts about continuing with a long relationship
2007-06-11 04:52:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not old, mind you! and yes, I tell him all the time.... he just does not take me serious! I
2007-06-11 05:00:34 · update #1
I remember you!
2007-06-11 05:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK - your not in a rut - your in a routine. One that you have preciptated in happening whether your willing to admit that or not. 20 years is a long time and now your seeing it as time for BOTH of you to do the things you've always talked about & your spouse is seeing at time to RELAX - the hard part is over. Don't give up on 20 years of commitment - do take a step back and look clearly at the years of talks about what you would both do, the years of saying "when the kids are gone - we could do that or this or ?????". I know you say that you've spoken to him about doing things and he's never motivated - so try to figure out what it is that motivates him - leave little brochures on trips you'd always said you'd take - with a sticky note telling him - "the hard works done - let's celebrate a little".
It's very hard to get a man who's worked hard to retire and get the family up and on their way to now go out and party. It can be done - you just need to get creative and remind him thoughtful loving ways that now is the time both of you have been waiting for - live it!
By the way - kuddos to you for not having let go of that "now's the time for me" spirit. However you take what I have said, NEVER allow that spirit to be taken away from you - life is too short!
2007-06-11 05:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. Almost the same situation, I go to concerts with my son (bon jovi, Stones, DMB) cause the husband wont go with me. I think the key word is that you love him, if you could find 1 thing that you both enjoy together and do this 1x a month, it may help, but it sounds like he will do this for a while then stop. it is not important to him, as it is to you. my suggestion is find a male friend that wants to do what you want to do, have him go with you and see how long it takes before the hubby finds an interest... i did this and it worked (for a while anyway!) good luck!!!
2007-06-11 05:42:11 · answer #3 · answered by ncbound 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will you get over yourself already!
Marriage is nothing if not for 2 different points of view!
You want to be single hell give it a try and remember what you might lose in the end!
My aunt left her husband at 53, and after a year tried to get back with him, because see was lonely, but he did not want her back because he was bedding a 30 year old woman and happy as hell about it!
She died 3 years later a lonely woman and even her kids were pissed at her so remember it's not what you can have but what you do have right now and be honest with yourself and ask do you really want to start over at your age!
2007-06-11 05:04:13 · answer #4 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage Contract? Never really heard it put like that-- But I would say really take into consideration your age and all.. Maybe you want to be single for what? How long? And do you expect him to come back if you get lonely??
I would set him down and let him know what you are thinking .. let him know that you are just not happy and you wish that he'd help you out and all... Because if not that you can always walk but discuss this with him dont just give up and hope for the best!! Good luck
2007-06-11 04:56:46 · answer #5 · answered by 04/12/2008 :) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone has doubts now and again. In a longterm relationship you start to wonder if you are really in it for love or if you are in it out of habit. Would you choose your husband again? Does he still possess that same essence of himself that first drew you to him? You need to have a serious talk with him to explain how you are feeling. He needs to know that it has gotten to be such a serious issue with you that you are questioning your entire relationship. Maybe a marriage retreat weekend would help you two rekindle the romance.
2007-06-11 05:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by Jbuns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage isnt a party, and you should know that sometimes we ALL hit ruts... you stick it out because marriage is Forever... NOT a contract
2007-06-11 04:56:12 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ME!!!! After 30 years of crap I got out of this nightmare.
2007-06-11 04:59:03 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you try counseling first.
2007-06-11 05:06:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋