I was married on May 28th and walked in on my husband molesting me 13 year old cousin on Jult 9th..I had him arrestin is now in jail..cops found all kinds of child porn in his vehicle locked up. I am getting divorced now and all friends are trying to set me up with people..but I am afraid. I have a 3 year old son(not my husbands) and I dont want to put him though more stuff. What would you do.
2007-06-11 04:35:01 · 17 answers · asked by jessiejungle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need time to heal. tell your well meaning friends that you just are not ready. you should seek counseling. it will be hard when you do start dating because when your life has been altered by sexual abuse you will always be looking for signs. i was abused as a child and i the biggest thing that was robbed from me is my ability trust. i think the worst until i am able to see differently, which is a sad way to see the world. you should be proud of your strength in calling the police on your husband. you went along ways in teaching your neice to stick up for herself.
2007-06-11 05:24:01 · answer #1 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it all depends on how long it's been and if your child is even aware of what happened... And I want to congratulate you on doing the right thing... I'm proud of the fact that you got this animal arrested and away from children.
If your child is okay with it maybe you could try talking to people. See if you are compatible with them were you are not necessarily going out. Such as at a family reunion, a party, or even at the grocery...Make sure you feel okay with any decision you make and everything will be fine...It seems to me that you won't get into another relationship with a guy like that cause most people learn from mistakes... You know what not to look for and the warning signs of that type of person... Be safe and always know that your son is #1 in your life... Take care, and good luck with the desicions you make...
2007-06-11 04:43:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jahpson, agree with you except it wasn't her son that was molested.
However, if he and your son were alone together GET THERAPY NOW FOR HIM.
DO NOT E.V.E.R. ask him any questions regarding this. Why? Cause your questions will lead him into thinking and trying to place things. Let the pros evaluate and see what is going on.
If he was free from his perversion, drop to your knees and thank God (Or to the lightbulb if your atheist) for you have been spared from what others have not.
Spending time with your kids, true do this BUT don't seclude yourself, the perversion that he has done to other will be on your mind and the thoughts of it will make you paranoid if in seclusion. Be with others, date just don't lock in anything serious.
And if no one in your little family was not hurt from him. Forget him as best as possible and become everything you wanted your family to be without ever looking back.
Good Luck
2007-06-11 04:45:04 · answer #3 · answered by avengress 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not date anyone for at least one year. Get to know the "you" that was lost in all this drama. Spend time with your son and find a hobby. When the time is right to start dating, you will know! I am so sorry for the pain this man has put you through. Good Luck!
2007-06-11 05:07:48 · answer #4 · answered by lee911 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are exactly right. You and your son both need extensive counseling. Has the man ever molested your child? I wouldn't even consider dating someone else right now - that's the last thing you need. Just take it slow, get some help and when the time comes, do EXTENSIVE investigation on the next man you let around your child. And whatever you do, don't blame yourself. Just do better next time.
2007-06-11 04:44:06 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation. But you did a great job by putting that jerk in jail. I know it's hard for you but you seem very strong. You should date when your ready. It doesnt sound like it now but give it some time. You'll know when. Don't let this situation hold you back. Get him out of your system and move on. Good luck!!
2007-06-11 04:43:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that yourself and your son would benefit from counseling. You need to be able to talk to someone right now because what has happened to you if very tragic. Also you need to know how to handle your son if he asks any questions or if he was aware of the situation.
Have you thought that maybe your husband could have touched your son as well? If your child was abused you would never know because children aren't as vocal as adults and sometimes they can repress their memories. Please get professional help. Good Luck!!
2007-06-11 04:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by jacky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not ready to date. Do not let your friends bully you into doing something you do not want to do. Your feelings are your own and do not let others tell you how to feel or what to do. I also suggest a therapist or counselor. You have many issues here and need to resolve them and learn to deal with them. I am so proud you put the man away. He needs to be where he is. Also listen to your young cousin. She will have issues here as well. She needs to be listened to and be believed. So do you. You are justified in your feelings.
2007-06-11 04:40:21 · answer #8 · answered by lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them thanks, but no thanks. All of this JUST happened. Child molester or not, it is going to take more than a couple of weeks to get over the end of your relationship. My advice would be not to be in a rush to get into another relationship, not because you may get another child molester, just so you can take some time and process what has happened.
2007-06-11 05:02:51 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD I'm so sorry that would be hard. Try focusing on your son then when you feel ready to trust again then go for the dating other people
2007-06-11 07:38:23 · answer #10 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋