My wife feels that everything between us comes & goes through our parents.?

Question

Like sepacking infront of parent, she thinks I am meeky in speaking infront of them, on the other hand my parents also feel not so comfortable when I speak to her!!They feel it is shameless. What shall I do without hurting any? Please help!!

Answer 1

I don't quite understand the question. Why do your parents think it is shameless to talk to your own wife? I don't get it.

Answer 2

The details in your question are a little vague...if I'm understanding correctly, your parents don't think you should talk to your wife and discuss things that they say to you...and feel that it is shameless that you do so?...and on the same hand, your wife feels that you should not discuss things that are between you and her with your parents? If this is what you are saying, then I agree with your wife! Your wife is your life partner, and while you will always love your parents and have a respect for them, you are now an adult and your loyalty belongs to your wife! Parents are very supportive when going through hard times, but as adults there are certain things we should not discuss with them...especially if they are the type to medal in our affairs and get involved when it is not their place! You do not have to tell your parents what you share with your wife.....but do not tell them that you are not going to tell her. They need to learn that some things are better left unsaid...especially if their opinion is not asked for! They raised you to be an adult, and I'm sure in their opinion, did a good job...now is the time in life where they need to sit back and enjoy you as an adult and let you live your wife! As far as not hurting them, it's sometimes impossible....we can't make everyone in life happy....you have to do what makes you happy and you have an obligation to the woman you took as your wife! They should be happy if you are happy!

Answer 3

I'm a bit confused by your question.

You're parents aren't comfortable when you speak to your wife? How exactly are you speaking to her in front of them?

What is your wife's complaint specifically?

I'll try and answer as best I can, but I think we'd all benefit from more details. If you add some details, you'll get a better response.

Ideally, your wife shouldn't be nagging you about how you talk when your parents are around.

You say your parents think how you talk to your wife is "shameless". I'm not quite sure what you mean... She's your wife... you shouldn't be speaking disrespectfully to her, but if all you are doing is showing her affection verbally, your parents are going to have to come to terms with that.

If you are acting overly conservative around your conservative parents, your wife may be justified in her feelings... she may feel your affection is conditional upon who is in the room. And it shouldn't be... however, the way you express it can be to a lesser degree....

If this is the case, try and explain to your wife that your parents are very conservative and uncomfortable with the type of conversation you two have in other circumstances, and that although you don't agree with them, you need to be respectful to them while you are visiting. You'll probably have to find some middleground here, which means that neither of them will be completely happy....

But if it really came down to choosing, you need to stand by your wife. She's your priority now, not your parents. She needs to know that you're not putting them ahead of her, because if you are, you should be sleeping in their bed, not hers.

If she wants you to be all "lovey-dovey" with her while you are trying to visit your parents, it may be because she is insecure and needs constant reaffirmation of your feelings... this is a whole seperate problem. Without more information, it's hard to comment.

I hope you'll add more details. And feel free to contact me on my profile, if you'd like to talk more about it.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't think that speaking in front of them is the problem in that what are u talking about if your talking about stuff that was between you and her then ya your causing a problem

Or if you are going to them about problems and leaving her completlely out of the desicion making process then that could cause problems too or if you value mom and dad;s opinon more than hers then she could feel devalued

The best thing to do is sit down and talk to her and see how she's feeling and where she's coming from and explain where you are coming from as well but open minded

One thing you have to realize is marraige is a partnership and takes a lot of teamwork between you and your wife

Mom and dad aren't going to be as involved in things anymore doesn't mean you cut them out of your life but day to day stuff is you and your wife

Not you your wife mom and dad that easily would make someone feel out of place

Not to be mean but there is a lot of truth to it in that you are making her feel that she's not important to you but talking to mom and dad first

Cut the apron strings

Answer 5

Live and do for yourself and your parents, have respect for them but realize that you are your own entity and your wife is the one that you sleep with at night.

Answer 6

Dear Friend
This is shame to see such type of questions on publicly. First love your wife and talk to her frankly. Love and respect your parents and convince them if any misunderstandings arrive in your family.
As you know our Indian culture is very great and respected. Please think in matured manner.

Answer 7

Have a heart and speak up for her!

Answer 8

seapacking? You writing this on a tuna boat?

Any way, just be yourself, don't put on airs for one cause you'll just offend the other.

Answer 9

Don't speak in front of them,

Answer 10

just remain silent and don't speak to anyone