Misunderstanding with husband. Can anyone help please?

Question

He often spends nights away from home without notifying me.
He would stay away without calling me to tell me not to worry. He would rather go out with friends.
He has no time for me. All I do is cook, iron and do his shoes. I feel very bad because I can't make love with him because I feel cheated.
Could he be seeing someone else?

Answer 1

What would he feel, or how would he react if you showed him the same amount of disrespect or disinterest? It sounds like he is daring you to leave. Is it possible he doesn't want to be married? I suggest you find your own interests and don't spend all your time waiting for him. If you have children it might be time to call the game as you wouldn't want them to grow up thinking this is how marriage is supposed to be. They will learn the rules from what they see as kids. Don't be guilty of teaching them that woman sit home and wait while disinterested men never come home until they run out of clean laundry. You should feel like more than his house keeper. You should be his equal. Don't live unhappy and ignored. You got married with the promise of being cherished. If it's broken beyond repair then leave and start a new life with out him. You can be lonely while living alone and only doing the cooking and cleaning for 1. At least then you would have a chance of finding friends and love and a life with happiness. Good luck. (He probably is cheating but even if he isn't he isn't "present" in the marriage)

My husband says he agrees.

Keep in mind most of these are American answers, and keep your culture in mind. Act accordingly.

Answer 2

I don't know what the cultural norms are for you, but this is considered very disrespectful in many places. If you were out all night , would he worry? If you stayed away a lot, would he be concerned? You need to sit down with him and calmly explain your feelings and concerns. Let him know that you love him, but you are wondering what is going on. Tell him that if there is an emergency at home, there is no way to reach him, or to tell him; that is not only a problem, but can be a disaster if something major happens. Finally, get some counseling--preferably for both of you, but just for yourself, if he doesn't want to go. You need to sort out if this is what you--and he--want for the long-term. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

This is definitely not normal behavior and it should throw up a red flag. You did not mention if you have tried to talk to him and how he reacts because that will say a lot. If he is defensive when you ask him about his whereabouts then he may be trying to hide something.

I think it is time for you to begin thinking about yourself. I would make plans with friends to get you out of the house. Too much time in the house doing housework and cleaning his shoes is time that you spend replaying everything over and over again in your head. You need to get out with friends to talk and have some fun. You may want to even consider getting a part-time job or do some volunteer work. Maybe when he sees you are doing things on your own he will change his ways.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Most men would be proud to have a wife like u...and i dont see any reason why he has to spend the nights away from u...unless something has happened between the two of u??
thats kinda weird... a husband wont do anything wrong to ruin his marriage, unless provoked. How long has this been going on?? and do u nag him?? Men hate naggers, so to avoid the nagging they just stay out. And if this is ur situation, then u better change and talk to him.

Answer 5

Sounds like it - I would buy a divorce packet and leave it on the table where he will see it and get it. Be prepared for him to fill it out- mayeb he won't maybe he will. When and if he asks what it is tell him you didn't marry him to sleep alone and wonder and worry and that you have better things to do with your life then to be his maid and cook. This will either shape him up or let you have your life back. Best of luck to you don't stand for this!

My husband did this to me three mos. into our marriage I finally packed up everything he owned put it in his truck and drove it to where he was hanging out and left. He had nothing left in our house but the divorce packet sitting on the table waiting for him - needless to say we have been married for 7 years now. He never did it again!

You do not have to put up with this and do you really want to spend the rest of your life worrieing and wondering? Don't you want to be happy? He may not want to love you and make you happy but someone else wants to and you deserve to be happy!

Answer 6

"He often spends nights away from home without notifying me"

Dear that's not a marriage!

That's some sort of one sided thing.

Get a job, start making preparations for you and your family (God forbid there are any kids involved).

If his friends are more important then let them have him.

You are more like a maid not a wife.

You are being cheated out of life with a good man who cherishes every moment you have to offer.

Sex is not what makes a marriage.......

Answer 7

Yes! My husband would have a lot to explain if he didn't come home after work! Much more if he didn't come home at all! He has a day every once in a while when he wants to hang out with his friends, and if I don't go with him, I know where he is. You need to get better communication with him. He's not treating the marriage like a... marriage. And you do not deserve this. Talk to him about it and remind him of what a marriage is about! I really hope you get this worked out.

Answer 8

Sounds alot like a relationship I was in over 15 years ago. I left and never went back, those were things i wasn't going to tolerate. Best to leave before it gets worse, otherwise you need to have a serious talk to him about it, and then leave if he doesn't change, or it will only get worse.He'll keep doing it as long as you put up with it. More than likely he's got his eyes on someone else.

Answer 9

o my goodness sweetie im so sorry to hear that you know what im only 17 years old and im already experiencing that i know alot of people say im young and i don't know anything but you know what i made a big mistake im with somebody who i love but cant stand and i have a little boy i mean dont get me wrong or anything i love my baby hes my life but i just wish i could've waited a little bit longer because i wanted to do so much in my life but i cant because im being held back i feel like a maid because im doing the same thing your doing,and i don't get no help or any credit. my advice to you is talk to him and if he doesnt want to even talk about things or see or even try to understand how you feel because he is to "tiered". get out leave to one of your family members house or take a more serious action. always put yourself before anybody because if you aren't happy then your family and friends won't be happy. and if he has moved on why stick around? you should do the same dont live like me in confusion and guilt. so good luck!!!!

Answer 10

i would assume so , but you never know . either way, what's important here is that he is not respecting you at all. everyone deserves better. you are a human being, and he is treating you more like an object he can control. he doesn't tell you these things, because he finds it to be none of your business what it is ALL of your business.

i just got out of an abusive relationship, so i know that telling you to leave him really won't do anything. but good luck honey! you may feel like every other relationship will be like this one, or no one will ever treat you better, or this is what you deserve, or that maybe he can change ... but the thing is, none of these are true. if he wanted to change for you, he would have.