My friend is still married, there is no love they are together for the sake of the children. He has met and rightly or wrongly a wonderful lady but he can't commit as he wants to see his children grow up they are 11 and 15. He has told her she must wait 7 years and just to be his mistress. From what he says she wants to wait but thinks the time is unreasonable.He is also so busy with work, home, and charity work she doesn't see enough of him, yet they are in love, what should I advise
2007-06-11 03:14:21 · 14 answers · asked by mollygirl20002000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I commend your friend for putting his kids first. Some parents just walk away when they find a new love. I don't think that they should be staying together for the kids. If there is no love left, or if they are arguing all the time, the kids pick up on it and their home life will be miserable. I think that they should separate for everyone's sake. It is better to raise kids in 2 separate, loving and stress-free homes than to have 1 home which is filled with tension and animosity. Your friend can still be a big part of his kids' lives while having his own life with his new woman. Hopefully your friend and his current wife can work out the best arrangement for everyone involved.
2007-06-11 03:32:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are together "for the children", you are together for the wrong reasons. Get marital counseling, to either mend the marriage, or end it amicably. Children can sense animosity between parents, and throwing a mistress into the mix will make them hate her; when it gets out that she was the "on the side girl", they will blame her for the breakup of the marriage, right or wrong. It's not fair to the lady, either; she has to put her life on hold for a man who may or may not be with her for the long run. Let's not EVEN get into the fact that infidelity is wrong, regardless of the circumstances. You can still be divorced and "watch your children grow up"; besides, if he is so busy, he is not really watching them grow up anyway! Everyone in this situation needs to take a good, long HARD look at what this is doing to the kids, and grow up. If you can't stand each other, don't stay married; it's just damaging the kids. Good luck and God bless.
2007-06-11 11:11:18 · answer #2 · answered by Judy W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He can't have it all. He needs to decide if he can put things off for 7 years or not. And if this woman is worth the risk of alienating his children. It's impossible to tell how his kids will react to a divorce. Even if he waits until they are adults, they may very well still feel betrayed by him, especially if they find out he's been cheating on their mom this whole time. If he had made the commitment to stay in the marriage, then that's what he should have done, and not strayed. Now that he has, he has to make a choice. It's not going to be easy no matter what he decides.
2007-06-11 10:42:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to be a man and make a choice. Staying together for the children is a worthless idea. They are old enough to understand what is going on around them and to bring them up like that is cruel and unusual punishment. To be honest it sounds like to me that he wants to have his cake and eat it, what happens when this 7 years is up? Will his wife just let him go or will something else come up, and this new woman have to wait even longer?? IF your friend and his wife no longer love each other they should split REGARDLESS the children will be happier if there is no animosity between parents because one doesn't want to be there. She can't stop him from seeing his kids if he is a good parent. If he won't leave his wife then tell him to leave this other woman and then in 7 years IF his marriage breaks up then he should stat looking for love again although not before spending quality time with his kids.
2007-06-11 10:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by JadaR 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would advise "your friend" to stop being a cheater and a liar and actually commit to be a role model for his children. Or do everyone a favor and divorce his wife so that she can find a man with enough self respect to respect her. As far as the g/f goes, how much do you have to hate a person to demand they put their life on hold while waiting for you, a liar and a cheat? Your "friend" is not an honorable man, and no one to ever get involved with. Shame on you for thinking any of this is ok.
2007-06-11 10:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's called divorce. It is unrealistic for him to tell the woman he loves so much to wait for him for 7 years. I have a hard time with men who are unwilling to leave their wife even though they claim there is no love there. Chances are his wife is not aware that the love isn't there. I bet she thinks things are just grand. This man has his cake and is eating it too.
2007-06-11 10:45:17 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Advise her to find someone that is free to devote his undivided attention and affection to building a healthy, exclusive relationship with her. Why should she put her life on hold for a married man that is clearly NEVER going to leave his wife?
Forgive me I misread your question...you need to tell this filandering husband to either commit to the vows he made with his wife and save his marriage or end it...he's cheating because he is selfish and he needs to get his priorities straight!!
2007-06-11 10:20:24 · answer #7 · answered by juda75 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It will work out if it's meant to. His kids will hate him no matter what he does if he leaves his wife, and it won't matter what age they are!! I think it sounds as if he wants his cake and eat it!! He's got the two women, one for sex and one for a mother of his children. He's got the best of both worlds. Why should he do anything? He's just stalling for time, by saying he'll leave when the kids grow up, yea, like we've never heard that one before?!!! Good luck, 'cos you're going to need it!!
2007-06-11 10:26:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lifeisgreat! 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell her about karma...
And maybe when she has given her life to her husband and children for decades, some wench can come and screw around with her husband behind her back... and when she feels hurt/betrayed/ like the world is ending -- then she can remember that she did the same thing to someone else's life and marriage.
2007-06-11 10:24:52 · answer #9 · answered by Heather L 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
maybe hes telling the truth maybe he isnt-but he is having his cake and eating it and who can blame him if neither of these women are brave enough to end it-i do feel for the kids involved they are the innocent victims in this. but your friend must also bear in mind that his lady whom he loves may one day meet someone who can give her/and only her what she needs
2007-06-11 11:14:54 · answer #10 · answered by buggerlugs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋