Is this too mature for a thirteen year old to write?

Question

Aryan looked at them, two boys both bathed in blood. The two males leaned on one another, smiling with red toothed grins. "Where is she?" He asked for almost the hundredth time. The taller of the two shifted away and yawned, growing tired of their hoax.
"Why do you automatically assume it was female, or human for that matter? Who's to say that the blood did not come from us?" Aryan grinned and turned to leave.
Xander, the one who had rid them of their pest, pressed a kiss to the other boys’ bloody cheek. "Want to shower with me, or would you prefer to be alone tonight?" he inquired softly. The other sixteen year old yawned casually and looked over at the clock standing alone in the corner of their manor.
"I think," He paused and exhaled, "I want to be alone and then we'll just lay for a while after that, maybe watch some old flicks." he said standing.
"Hey, age before beauty." Xander laughed, shoving Jacobe lightly into the couch and brushing past him.

Jacobe crinkled his nose and began to pout, his arms crossed firmly over his chest. "Don't pout." he frowned and kissed him, "We could share, age and beauty."
"Fine, but no fooling around," He looked at him sharply, "I mean it." Xander nodded at the order and went into the bathroom, reaching into the shower closet to turn the knob to the right temperature. A groan escaped his lips and he felt it stir in him.
“Hurry up, now, I want to sleep.” He sighed, shrugging off the bloodied hoodie and then moving his hands down to remove the black denim jeans he wore over worn Vans. He shoved down his boxer and stepped into the shower, allowing it to wash away evidence of his previous deviance. He felt the other push against him and he let a moan of unadulterated pleasure and turned, pushing the smaller boy against the wall of the shower. “Thought you said no fooling around?”
“It was an accident.” He snickered and pushed him away gently.

Xander nodded and turned, grabbing the bottle of shampoo and beginning to cleanse himself of plasma.

Aryan stared at the teenagers entangled in the mess of sheets. He smiled and looked around. “Tommorow.” He said to no one in particular.
“What is tomorrow, Aryan?” Jacobe asked.
“The breed, Xander, he’s going to...” Aryan sighed, dropping his eyes. “Well, he’s just not going to be here for a few days.” He said finally.
“Why? What’s going to happen to him, is it because he’s Dark Breed? That’s why he’s got to leave me, so he doesn’t hurt me?” he whispered.
“Why are you so hurt by this? Jacobe, for you own protection, don’t love anyone.” He growled. Jacobe slid back under the cover and groaned, pulling Xander’s hand to his cheek.
“I don’t love you.” He mumbled, trying to convince himself. Xander turned over and looked at the small trembling GPI next to him.
“What?”

Excuse me, but what? Why would you say something like that, yes, I like brutal truth but that was just mean. And anyways, I am 13 and I'm still learning. Plus, I've never watched a cartoon or played a game. AND you don't even know the damn plot.

Uhm, no ma'am I'm not trying to offended people.This wasn't an attempt at a slasher thingy or whatever you said, I honestly wanted to see adults opinion on this.

Answer 1

Mature? No, this is rather immature garbage, to be honest. It's poorly plotted, and more concerned with shock value than telling an actual story. Is there a story here? It is a typical attempt at slasher horror, with no real literary value. You seem more enamoured with trying to offend people than actually writing a story. Sorry, I'm not offended. I'm bored. There is nothing new here.

Answer 2

The content may be , but the writing itself sounds like a child who has had a little too much experience with life. Why did you choose the plot that you did?If you are having violent or sexually immoral thoughts, you should talk to some body about it. While the content may be readable to some, some parts of it are not written very well as far as the sentence flow and some other things too.

Answer 3

I think you did rather well. You came up with the story line on your own, and you've written it out far better than any 13 year olds i know could have done. you did good. I hope you write more, and don't listen to what most of these criticizers say. Most know nothing of what they are talking about. Keep writing, you have A LOT of potential. As is very evident from your excerpt.

Answer 4

No, it is not too mature for you to write. In my opinion, and this is from a fellow writer, you did an excellent job. There are probably things that you could add to make it better, but you did wonderfully. The only thing I would suggest is to write for yourself and don't care about what other people think. Everyone matures at different rates. Enjoy writing your story, it was quite interesting and held my attention.

Answer 5

No, i don't... whatever you chose to write is up to you!

Some of the themes are a bit adult, yes, but that is truly up to you... Some people into their thirties choose not to have some of these themes present, and some do... It is all up to the individual...

And as to those people who came in here, trying to insult you, or say that you had no ability/talent/whatever... they need to get a life... Keep writing what you want to write... The moment that you turn around and start writing what other people want you to write, is the moment that there stops being a purpose in it...

I write because i want to write, because i am compelled to.
I write what i chose to write, because it appeals to me.

Just keep that in mind and stay true to yourself!

Answer 6

Write whatever you want. Let others decide if it's 'too mature', and then decide whether or not you care what they think.

Of course, in a few years' time you might think it's rubbish, or you might think it's brilliant. It's really up to you whether you write for yourself or for others.

For my part I'd say it's not my cup of Maxwell House, but there's plenty of crap on the fiction shelves and yours could not be the worst of it.

Answer 7

Sounds like one of those anime fan fictions... The stories can get a little wild. I think some kids today have mature a lot faster... Kids these days.

Answer 8

Very cartoon-ish with old, tired themes of violence. Almost like plagiarism. You haven't done anything original, just copied and slightly modified a cartoon or computer game, so it isn't too old. In fact, it's kind of childish.

Answer 9

Sounds like someone is digging for complements. And by the way, you used alot of cliches, try and be less generic.

Answer 10

In my opinion, no. My sister has been writing things like that when she was about 12.