I once invited a couple to join me for dinner at a local restaurant. It was a couple with whom I been aquainted for some time but we had never, as couples, gone out together.
At the end of the meal I took the check from the waitress and prepared to pay it. My guest, expectedly, argued with me about who should pay. I insisted, stating that it was I who invited them to dinner. The debate became, not angry, but vigerous. I won and paid the $100 bill.
It seems to have ended our friendship. They never called us and never reciprocated in any way.
So let's see, I paid and they got mad. Go figure. So, was I out of line to pay the bill.
Nothing was pre-arranged about payment of the bill. I just felt it my duty, as the invitor, to pay the bill.
2007-06-11 01:27:13 · 6 answers · asked by aviator147 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ History
Hi- sorry that happened to you. People can be weird with money and what they perceive to be their social expectations. When you mentioned that the bill became a debate that then became vigorous, you both lost and it sounds like it had turned into an unfortunate miscommunication. In some odd way, it turned into a machimso- thing, or obviously was perceived as that. Perception and personal sensibilities can creep into simple social transactions. In a case like that, it would have been prudent for you both to just split the bill.
If you really like the company of this other couple, or are feeling like you have to try to "make it better", a simple phone call and a statement that you are sorry for making them uncomfortable should suffice. Do NOT belabor the point! Keep it super-short and sweet. I warn you: you might take it on the chin again. Decide if they're worth it or just move on and make new friends.
I wish you good luck with this odd situation! (next time, split the bill!!!) ~Mich~
2007-06-11 02:10:37 · answer #1 · answered by Michele in CT 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know what other categories this may fall under but it doesn't seem like history to me. However.
You could make one advance worded however you like that generally you miss them and hope the reason for no contact wasn't as a result of the check squabble. No thank-you call or note, no invite for a dinner at their home? hmmm.
After that effort there is no rule of good manners requiring that one continue extending courtesy where courtesy is not extended in return.
2007-06-11 09:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd figure they would want to invite you out to 'repay', and certainly it would not be the payment that broke up the friendship... unless they're a bit nuts, in which case good riddance. But on the other hand maybe they just haven't got around to it.
Perhaps you could invite them out to something that can't involve payment, if you want to smooth things over?
I suppose the lesson is not to argue too much about social conventions or etiquettes: after all, 'vigorous argument' is always undesirable. You can look a bit strange yourself wanting to die in a ditch to pay for an acquaintance's meal.
2007-06-11 08:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by llordlloyd 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this happens frequently in my family. Paying for the check is a sign of strength for men and considered an honor. You were right in sticking to your guns. If they are upset over the payment, it's realy their issue; however, if the relationship is important to you then I would make the call to him. Invite him for a drink and ask to discuss the dynamics of it. He may say it's no big deal...You respond it is a big deal because you value your relationship and any thing that hinders that growth is a very big deal. then pause and let him respond (usually about 10 seconds of awkward silence.
Let Them/Him know the relationship is important to you. T
he other issue is about his EGO. Give it a storke. Key don't apologize for what you did, apologize for the result and how you're feeling that somehow he feels slighted. then find out how you can make it up to him/them... Good Luck.
2007-06-11 09:22:56 · answer #4 · answered by patriot_corps 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you invite someone, you pay the bill. The guest may propose to pay his/her part but is under no obligation to do so and if he/she insists then it is rude- the same way as if they proposed to pay for the coffee they drink if you invited them to your house.
The location does not matter- what matters is who invites whom. And the host pays the bill, regardless of location.
2007-06-11 09:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by cp_scipiom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is basic courtesy to pay the bill regardless of host or guest
is there any hidden reason such as they owed you something or you are financially poorer than them?
2007-06-11 08:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋