How to cope up with this idiotic woman please advise?

Question

I have one sis in law who is the eldest about 55years having one son in degree who has settled permanently in our house. I am the youngest daughter in law who got married just one year back. I am a vegeterian. But they are all nv. Weekly three or 4 days nv. & i still eat food from my moms place. All of them dump work loads on me a lot as i am the youngest and they run away to work early. So i have to feed their children, pack food and look after sick mother in law cook food for lunch for them (16 members ) and then leave for office. At this rate, yesterday my sis in law says me go and clean the mutton. I dont touch only that nv. But serve all sorts of nv for my hubby and others. But raw nv i hate to see also. Yesterday she ordered me in front of a relative. But i directly for the first time boldly told i am sorry i cannot do that work. So she has complained to everybody at home. I am scared to go home from office as i dont know what drama will she play today in front of others.

Answer 1

You are on the right path. Stand up for yourself. Whatever you do, don't back down now. I'm not a vegetarian, but that's not the point. The point is they are not showing you any respect. It may be difficult for a few days, but in the long run you will be much better off.

Answer 2

I am living in a joint family too (though not as big as urs!) and I do understand the problems u r facing - esp when its only been an year since u have been married.

The only way to survive in this kind of environment is to have ur husband as ur staunch supporter. Tell him everything - but be carefull abt how u word ur problems. If u complain, he might resent it - whereas if u discuss in a manner where u r not blaming anyone but discussing a 'problem' u r facing - chances r he will listen to u and try to solve them too. (men like to b problem solvers - open confrontation with family is generally a no-no!).

The other thing u can do is take the eldest person or the person with authority in ur house into confidence n tell them ur problems. They will b in a position to deal with this stupid sis-in-law of urs. If u revolt now - she will have the upper hand on u always.

If intervention by husband/family does not work out - THEN u can go ahead and give her a piece of mind in front of everyone. At least then no one can blame u for "disturbing" the peace in the house!!...get it??...... be politically correct and if it does not work .... fight!!......coz u r stuck with these ppl for quite a long time - its better to solve things politically than open warfare........

Do try this once - its worked for me n im sure it'll work for u too!

Best of luck!

Answer 3

Thats a real bad thing to happen to anyone. But don't get worried.
The only solution I see to this matter is that you try to earn your husbands vote on your side completely. If your husband starts supporting you, not only this time, but otherwise no such matter will ever rise up agian in your life.; After attaining yur husbands confidence, you should boldy tell your mother-in-law that you can't break the limit of your belief's.
Its a family matter as you've told that it is a joint sort of family then the only problem is that 100 heads have 100 opinions and that's what is very tough to cope with.
You would surely get this matter settled now but looking for future you should try to maintain some strict rules about doing work and your relationships. Its not about breaking the family into different pisces but try resolving all problems by taking your husband into confidence. In such conflicts, husband is the main protector of woman.
Good Luck. Take Care.

Answer 4

Is your marriage an intercaste one if so then it would have been a love marriage and naturally you will not fit into a joint family environment. Whereas yours in an arranged marriage and also from the same caste but you are a vegetarian then this problem is really pathetic and you should explain this to your husband and the elders of the family who would listen to you and see that such things do not happen in future otherwise you have no other alternative except living seperately with your husband as you cannot fit in this joint family environment.

Answer 5

It was right for you to tell her no. Don't be a doormat or all your life you will be at the beck and call of this woman and with the others who are in your house. Don't think of what she'll tell the others nor care what the others will think of you. Why don't you tell your husband at how they treat you? Or, is he one of them,too? Is it the custom in your family that the youngest in-law gets to do everything in the house while taking care of a sick mother-in-law? If that is so, you married the son in the house to be their permanent housemaid. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

Answer 6

see what happens if you don't change her childrens clothes for a few days and dont clean up in house. Leave it all and say you are going out. I know its not easy but it will make them realise that you are not a slave. I am afraid to say that it is going to become harder before it gets easier. But the battle will be worth it.

If you feel angry and upset, do not worry if you have to show this. God gave you the ability to scream and shout so that you can use it when you are feeling angry.

Tell them all to **** off. God bless you. You have the power of devi maa in you when you need it...you have her blessing.

Answer 7

If there is one thing, for better or for worse, that you are stuck with, it is family. Whether they are a boon, which helps you reach heights you couldn't reach by yourself, or a curse, hindering your personal development every step of the way for petty, selfish reasons, they revolve around you and affect your outlook on life.

That is one *big* family to take care of all by yourself, considering you have to work on top of that. 16 other egos to contend with at home, especially ones who give themselves free time to make your life more difficult than it already seems to be, is no easy thing to be put upon. Stubborn older
(read old) ladies are worst of all. The less "ammunition" you give her to use against you the better. Take it in stride and content yourself for being the one who keeps things together, which you already seem to be doing too much of.

Answer 8

be bold ,honest and express ur thoughts loud and clear
u r a working women and so u have all the rights to express ur thoughts.
try handling things in a cool manner so that there r no sparks
nobody has any right to order others!!
be bold and be firm on ur stance
do not let this grow ,try to tackle it at the grassroot level
all the best

Answer 9

Tactfully, you must talk with them. YOu should say, you are busy. Don't refuse the work.But tell them, I will do it later on. Be courageous and patient. Don't loose your patience. Keep silence. that is the best medicine to all. Tell us what your husband's reaction. Also ask him to take your side. Gently, he should tell to other that you are scared and don't lke these things. If this works out, it is fine otherwise move your house and stay separately.

Answer 10

Sister,

It is your life and you are entitled to live it happily as per your tastes .

Be bold and say CLEARLY WITHOUT MINCING WORDS your feelings, values and your tastes.Tell them what you willingly do and which you dislike to do and ask them politely to avoid giving that work to you.You happily do the rest of work you like.
Be Findlay with all and especially with elders with smiles serve them.Mingle with children when you have time and play with them try with your tactics to make them your fans.Gradually they will change.

nothing to fear ,BE BOLD.IT HAPPENS ONCE ONLY.
if you are submissive ,life long you are to be like that and you have NO LIFE OF YOUR OWN.

SO sister ,rise up,be BOLD.

God Bless You