How can I get my girlfriend to SHARE in the household chores?

Question

She knows how to do them,but takes her weeks to clean a fork,do laundry or sweep the floors or tables.Usually when she has used and made all dirty.If it is not me,the House starts to look like a homeless makeshift.I hate to impose my values on another and less on my love...but I refuse to turn myself or live as a slob.Shall I move out?

Answer 1

I hate to say this, but I have a lot in common with your girlfriend. I don't like living like a little pig (I'm actually kind of a germaphobe!) but I hate and despise cleaning and chores. I think it's because it takes a lot of effort and then before you know it, the house is messy again so start all over! If it were up to me, I'd eat out all the time and have a maid! OK, but that's lazy and sad so I do make myself clean up, I just don't like it.

The thing is it's going to be hard for her to change her ways and no, don't try just leaving everything a mess because it will bug you more than it will her. I think you need to tell her how much it bugs you. Tell her that as sexy and wonderful as you think she is, seeing what a slob she is is a huge turn off. Tell her truthfully that it is important to you to have things at least somewhat presentable and that if she really can't help you keep things that way, you are going to have to split up.
How serious are you two? If it's serious than really tell her that you cannot see marrying and having children with someone who won't take care of stuff, because it will only get worse as life throws more at you (trust me I know!)
If she sees how serious you are, she should try to make it better. If she doesn't change for you now, she never will, so unless this is something you could live with forever, get out now. Are you a fan of Friends? If so you may have seen the episode where Ross dates the totally hot but slobbish girl played by Rebeccah Romein Stamos (yeah it's not spelled right.) Tell her that the way Ross felt is kind of the way you feel and that it's a deal breaker for you too! (Sorry for the cheesy example!)

Luckily for me, my husband doesn't mind cleaning and he's also not the neatest person in the world so we suffer through cleaning together - although I know he is faster and more efficient than I am. But the point is, he can accept the way I am and that is crucial.

Relationships are hard enough without one person pulling all the weight or trying to live with something that is not acceptable to them. Tell her how you feel, see if she changes, and if not, be prepared to move on.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Cleanliness should be part of every adult's value system. Some people, however, grow up in homes where they aren't taught cleanliness and, believe it or not, they don't know how to keep a clean house. It doesn't mean they grew up in a dirty house, necessarily; but some kids aren't required to help with the housework at home. Other people are just plain lazy and they'll only do as much as they can get away with. Have a heart to heart with this woman. Tell her that you don't want to live in a dirty house. Then, if she doesn't step up and start sharing the responsiblity of keeping the house clean, leave. You shouldn't have to live with a slob.

Answer 3

Maybe she just sees you as free room, board, maid service and the occasional roll in the hay. She may not be overly interested in "trying out" a realtionship but to have the free services.

Okay. So nobody is perfect. I have dirty dishes sitting on my desk from two days ago. They've not made it to the dishwasher. I have a pile of clutter around my chair in the living room that I'm working through. I am a housewife, but I'm not perfect. I don't want to be. My husband wouldn't want me to be. I also realize that there are several things I need to change before our baby is born.

On the other hand, you could talk to her about this.

Answer 4

My fiance grew up in a house in South Africa where maids are very common, so he is used to things being done for him. If I need or want his help then I ask him, I'll say "babe do you wanna clean the bedroom up or the kitchen?" and I give him a choice of the chore he wants to do, while I do the other job. Or I say to him "babe, I'm working a late shift tonight, do you mind putting the hoover around?". It's not that he won't do it but just that it is not a part of his every day routine, I'll just have to keep working on it. In the end asking him to do something has the desired results, so try asking her to help you more.

Answer 5

i'm like you, i couldnt live in all the drama, but i realize that these are my thoughts and feelings and ask other people to respect that, but not pander to me. I am quite happy to do everything myself, and so long as i'm left alone to get on with all my little weird habits everything is just harmonious
she isnt you, she could ask you to be like her, no different to you wanting her to be like you. a middle ground has to be found if you are to continue in this relationship

Answer 6

Explain the rules and then see how she does. If she can't agree to share in the work, it's probably time to end the relationship because it's never going to work.

Answer 7

have you talked to her?? i know it would be a wierd conversation, but she really needs to do better! my husbands ex never cleaned house...by the way, did i mention that "she is the ex"...ha ha!! i am always cleaning our house, doing chores, ect. i love it! i love a clean house, and so does he

Answer 8

Yip move out after all you never promised her a rose garden did you?

Answer 9

yes. a slob is always a slob. i u don't move out and get kids u will live in a dumpster all your life. one thing is when u don't mind. another thing is when it makes u suffer. rememebr - people don't change. her mommy maid her like this. now she will remain like this

Answer 10

Tell her but people like that often have other problems (depression for example)