Do you like my poem?Please be honest.?

Question

Crying, Drying, groaning under the weight of love.
Trying so hard to get out of this never ending loop.

Never again. No.
I'll never fall for this again.

But then again..
What chances do I have?
What full proof guarantee?
Once I'm free....
(Will I ever be?)
That I won't lose it again
That, I won't fall in love again
With YOU.

But no matter how much,
I hate this cycle,
No matter how I wish to start anew.
No matter how much I wish I could hate you.
I love you. Still.
Forevermore!

Answer 1

I must observe that the most personally fulfilling and satisfying aspect I often derive from this poetry section is the often erasure (call it obliteration!) of the distinction between the actual poet and the created/imagined persona or speaker or the "I" of the poem. Take for example your poem. It barely alludes to this imaginary and imagined speaker in,
"Never again. No.
I'll never fall for this again."

YET
But no matter how much,
I hate this cycle,
No matter how I wish to start anew.
No matter how much I wish I could hate you.
I love you. Still.
Forevermore

which makes 'leeta' advise that,
"I think if you took out the "Forevermore!" at the end, it'd be all right."

In short, I like the poems in this section because they defy, often not blatantly, the laid down standard conventions. There's hardly any yardstick to determine that the poet is talking about imaginary, possible situation. There's hardly any yardstick to determine that the poet is ideally expressing his/her genuine feelings and emotions!! What if you, the poet were expressing own genuine and frank feelings!
Perhaps that is the way to go. Poetry, I believe, as Wordsworth did, express strong feelings the poet has felt at one time or another. Poetry should not and cannot (and I'm afraid, Helen will kick my behind for saying this!!) aspire to be algebraic with controlled meter and all but should be the expression of spontaneous feelings as the poet felt them! As Jean-Paul Sartre, observes, the poet should be permitted to go the direction they wished rather than being chained to the idea of to sing as the partridge sings!!
For example, J Ash comments in part, "but unfortunately the words arent in their correct spaces"

My burning question that follows suit: What are those correct spaces" Is this not an instance of suffocating creativity? and forcing creative imagination to conform to some 'pathetic fallacy' ?? No matter, the poem is a little bit impoverished of any striking images, but then the very opening line:

Never again. No.

is not certainly a run-on-the-mill kind of construction! But like Tolstoy's opening line to the classic novel, Anna Karenina, this opening line to a stanza of the poem, in my modest evaluation could generate tremendous anxieties and "ufathomables" in reputable literary fora if... and I stress if, the rest of the poem lived up to its fundamental currency and semiotic signification!!

Good poem beckoning serious reflection.
Continue composing more poems. You are doing fine in my humble view.




Good luck

Answer 2

I think it would be better with out the "never again no. I'll never fall for this again " part and if you end the poem where you started so it would look like this:

Crying, Drying, groaning under the weight of love.
Trying so hard to get out of this never ending loop.

But then again..
What chances do I have?
What full proof guarantee?
That once I'm free....
I won't lose it again
That, I won't fall in love again
With YOU.

But no matter how much,
I hate this cycle,
No matter how I wish to start anew.
No matter how much I wish I could hate you.
I love you.

So Still Forevermore,
Crying, Drying, groaning under the weight of love.
Trying so hard to get out of this never ending loop This never ending loop this never ending loop.........

But that's just what i think
Your poem is good you just need to look it over and feel the flow in your head and then read it out loud cuz then you'll know where things do and don't work.

Keep writing
Cuz in the end everything is up to you people can only like or dislike your art but only you can control it

Answer 3

particular I try my ideal to be honest each of the time. the only way you're making issues extra desirable is by potential of telling the actuality wait I advised you I constantly you ought to be honest? Im mendacity ultimate now lol... jk yet particular i you ought to be honest each of the time poll: YFFL=Yankees Fan for existence

Answer 4

Sounds like you could use some help from Dr. Phil. I don't like the message. I hope that's not your reality. Good luck.

Answer 5

You should keep your "sorrow" feeling into your poem, just like the two paragraph above. i don't see any relation with the last paragraph. you seek hope from the one you ever love.
but overall, that's ok!
keep up the the work....

Answer 6

When I say this, I mean it in a good way, but I could almost hear this as a rap song.

Answer 7

I think if you took out the "Forevermore!" at the end, it'd be all right.

Answer 8

Sorry, not really - the metre isn't up to much, it feels more like lyrics than a poem really.

Answer 9

very niiice, depressing tho, for obvious reasons, still.. if u used that on me as a pick up line, ide probably sleep with u

Answer 10

Sounds kind of romantic who is it for??
But it sounds really nice keep it up!