My husband and I have separate rooms.?

Question

We are very much in love. But he snores too loud and I toss and turn all night (I have left bruises on him). We have a normal life other than this and we are happy with the situation. But a pastor once told us that it wasn't normal and that he was praying for us to get back together. We like our own space and rooms. I usually go into his room before bedtime and we visit for a while. We are both christians. Thank you for your help.

Answer 1

You've answered your own question. You have a normal life, you're happy with the situation, you like your own space (and being able to get a good night's sleep), and you still "visit" each other.
Sounds like it works great for you. Don't worry about what the pastor said. Be happy!

Answer 2

My husband and I have separate sleeping rooms also because of his snoring. We have a normal happy marriage just like you. My husband was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and now has an apnea monitor, which also makes noise and I'm a very light sleeper. What business is it of anyone else where anyone in your own home sleeps? Sounds like the pastor went beyond his boundaries and just think...he's not the one who has to listen to all the snoring or other noses. It has been shown by many research studies that lack of sleep causes other physical ailments and being able to opt for separate sleeping rooms may just keep both of you healthier. I would suggest that your husband have a "sleep study"done by a doctor to determine the cause and possible medical interventions for his snoring. Search snoring and sleep apnea on the internet or Yahoo search. There are many ideas and possible solutions to research. Do what is right for you and don't worry what anyone else says or thinks. They aren't living your life, you are. Glad you found a solution that works out for both of you. Good luck!

Answer 3

If snoring is the only issue, several things can be done. A dentist around here supposedly makes a mouthpiece that works wonders to readjust the jaw and make the snoring stop. A dr. can also prescribe a positive airflow device that also works but is cumbersome and Darth Vaderish, but can be gotten used to. Surgery is also an alternative. Just get back in the same bedroom. One of the nicest benefits of a wife/girlfriend, etc. is a nice, warm body to snuggle with. Gotta keep that!

Answer 4

There is a flip side. I had the same with may ex-wife. We really didn't start until she became pregnant with our twins four years ago. After their birth I kept sleeping in a separate room. Before the children, we sleeping into same room she used ear plugs because I could tolerate my sleep apnea gear and through it off in the middle of the night without knowing it.

If you have an important meeting or need to get up extra early by all means go sleep in the other room. However, if you make a habit of it and then have a roomate not a spouse. There is an intimacy that is created by sleeping in the same bed that I feel is crucial to keeping a bond between two people.

Answer 5

Please don't let others dictate to you, because you CAN have a happy and successful marriage while sleeping in different rooms! My husband and I have been married for 25 years, and have been sleeping in different rooms for years now, because of his loud snoring, ( so loud that he sometimes wakes himself up) and also because I like just a sheet, and he likes to sleep under a mountain of heavy bedding. The early years of our marriage, when we still did the "proper" thing, and shared a bed, was HELL on both of us! He was black and blue from me thumping him at night, and I was like a walking zombie from lack of enough sleep. Now that we have our own rooms, we are much happier and both more rested. We spend a lot of time together in my room before he goes to his room to sleep. If we were to have to go back to sleeping in the same room again, I am sure we would not have such a successful marriage, and I am sure you feel the same way. I think your minister is a bit ill informed, and is unaware of the happy marriage you have. As long as you are both happy with the arrangement, and are still as loving to each other as before, I cannot see what your sleeping arrangements have to do with anyone else.

Answer 6

My husband and I deal with the same situation all the time. Even as I type now, I'm in another room and he's off asleep in the main bedroom. At first it was weird but we realized we were both waking up more relaxed. Don't worry, I went through those stages of feeling very awkward. But one night while I was watching Nightline I heard them say that studies show that 35 to 45 percent of all marriages have couples that sleep in seperate rooms. It's either for sleeping habits or for different schedules. Hang in there!

Answer 7

I think he needs to see the doctor about the snoring as it could be a health factor. Could be helped to calm it down and make his breathing better.

As far as you two having seperate bedrooms by happy choice with a great relationship still going strong, then I say all power to you.

Love the pastor. But don't have to love his opinion as it is only an opinion.

Answer 8

Look, it is YOUR relationship, you are still in love and still acting like a couple and are together in every aspect other than the actual sleeping in the same bed, sorry but I totally disagree with your pastor, it is not abnormal, sleep is a vital part of being healthy, if you are not getting a decent sleep your immune system suffers, if this arrangement works for you then it it absolutely none of anyone elses business.

Answer 9

I'm not quite sure what you're asking, but I'd reconsider what your pastor said. Having separate bedrooms because your husband snores isn't abnormal and doesn't mean you and your husband aren't "together". In fact homebuilders recently reported a trend in new houses where the wives requested a "snoring room" that they can retreat to after their husbands fall asleep. I read that in AARP magazine (I'm sure you could find it online).

Answer 10

Your husband is the head of your house right not your pastor. If you find separate rooms aceptable to you both then whats the issue. Reguarding intimacy the bible warns us not to deprive each other of 'our bodies' but you intimate your not doing that are you and your husband otherwise affectionate. Speaking honestly your marriage won't do well if you are both tired from no sleep.