I really need help!?

Question

im twelve, bisexual, and i dont know how to tell my mom. dont tell me im going through a "stage", i know im bi.im NOT telling my dad, he is completely against homosexuality!!me and my mom dont have an "open" relationship, but we're working on it, and deep down, i think i should tell her im bi. what do you think? if you think i should tell her, how?

Beth., STFU.

actually, im already going to counciling (for a different reason) and my mom doesnt tell my dad ANYTHING.

Answer 1

I think you should tell your mom and dad at the same time. My parents were the same way (granted, I was 17 when I came out) and though my dad was convinced that it was just a stage and is still against it, my mom was very understanding, surprisingly, and she helped my dad understand.

Just sit down at the kitchen table or on the couch or something and say something simple and direct, like "Mom and Dad, I have to tell you something, and that is that I'm bi." Be prepared to answer questions like "How long have you known, how do you know, why are you telling us now, do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, have you been active before?" and so on. (Parents seem to ask these questions even if there is not really a reason, I don't know why.)

PFLAG has a coming out checklist that I think you will find very helpful, as it can help you decide if you want to come out yet or not. Also, see if your local library has "Now That You Know: A Parent's Guide to their Gay & Lesbian Children" or something to that effect. I gave that book to my parents when I came out and that seemed to smooth a lot of rough patches.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Don't worry about labeling yourself at this point in your life. It's not unusual for young people like you to experiment at this point in your life. I know that some people say that they just knew at a very young age. That could be. Just live your life at this time and be open to the opportunities. I would be concerned about coming out to your parents if you think they might react with abuse or possibly kick you out of the house. There are too many homeless gay youth because of this. If you think that may be the case, concentrate on school and getting good grades. Graduate and become independent before you put yourself at risk. Remember there are groups like PFLAG and GLSEN that can be supportive. Good luck!

Answer 3

As a married parent, I can tell you that if you tell one parent something like this, you've told them both. It's unreasonable to expect or trust one parent to keep a secret like this, no matter how close or estranged they are.

I won't say you're in a "stage", but saying you are bisexual at 12 is like saying you're a dancer at 12. You may be one now but that doesn't mean you always will be.

Because of these points, I suggest you talk to a school counselor and leave your mom out of it for now.

Answer 4

Either way -- keep in mind if you tell your mom, she might tell your dad.

Do you know how she feels about bisexuality? Homosexuality?

Actually, bisexuality isn't a problem unless you end up in a homosexual relationship . . . but if you really want to tell her, that's your call. It takes a lot of courage.

Answer 5

Your school might have counselor you could talk to before you tell your parents. Talk with this person first, if for no other reason than to get your words right.

If you are bi, that is no crime, just troublesome for some people. Nevertheless, I would tell your parents. Maybe they are more open-minded than you think.

Rob

Answer 6

I think you might be too young to be sure you're bi. It's normal at your age to have feelings for both men and women. If you think you need to tell your mom, maybe she might help you a little more with this issue if she's open about it. However, if she's not open to gay people, she will definitely tell you you're going through a stage. If you think you need to tell here, just say you need help with an issue you're going through... but I would suggest that you wait a few years until you are more mature. It's ok to be bi, but you need to feel sure about yourself before you start telling people. Good luck.

Answer 7

I say do what you feel is right. If you want to tell your mother go head. Of course I know how parents will react to someone your age. Just be open to their opinion about the situation too.

Answer 8

First, you are NOT a loser. You are a special individual who is who she is. I think that when you tell your Mom, then you will know when the time is right. Don't rush things. Get to know her and what she is about first. Then, make a decision. Do you have any close friends you can talk to? Talk to them. Find some support groups in your community, and go to one. Hopefully, they can help you.
Good Luck, and bless you!!!

Answer 9

well ur dad is obviously uncomofortable with the fact that there are homosexuals and i don't think you should tell your mother if you aren't ready ~ make sure you are ready to tell her ~ once that happens tell her ~ just sit her down and tell her not to go up in arms or anything but that u need to talk to her and come out with it if you decide to tell her ~ and i don't agree with beth one day people will have to get over the fact that there is homosexuality and its a shame to hate people and treat them differently just because they prefer something different and you are just as unique as any other person still

Answer 10

i know how hard it is to be in the closet.. but i think it is pretty early for you to tell them because as you said they'll think that its just a "stage"... i know it is ridiculous but parents often believe things that they want to believe..

maybe you can try coming out to them little by little.. you know, show signs and if they seems OK with it then you can come out to them.. if not, well just try harder to keep that secret to youself until you know that your ready to face the crazy things that your parent will probably do when they find out.. (mine hire a shrink to get me "straightend out".. well, it obviously didn't work)