help! am i making the right decision....?

Question

my aquaintence husband came home and told her he was getting a divorce. he is kicking her out with no mobile home no car and her 13 yr old and he is keeping the other two kids took the car and all the belongings. well i have wanted to help her with 180$ for her electric, got her a prepaid cell phone for 30$ and offered to take her in till she gets her job back at the school caferteria. well i have agreed to her and her 13 yr old staying with me. then she tells me that her other 2 kids would have to stay on the weekends. I said i don't have room for 2 other kids since i only cleaned out one room for her and her 13 yr old to sleep in and i live in a neighboorhood that doesn't have kids anymore. i said the she and the 13 yr old are welcome but she would have to make arrangements to see the kids over the weekend. I am not working and i feel that she would use me to watch the kids when she gets a 2nd job. also she wants me to call and get her a car since she hasn't done this before.

and i got her on food stamp program and a sponsorship to help get on her feet and she wants me to help her get her a car . i told her i found them on the internet and she wants me to call them and set up a appt. i think she should do it i have done enough. don't u think?

i did help her get public housing but she has to do classes for 5 weeks and then they will help her since she only makes 600 a mth. her and her husband were only makeing 2,000 a mth for 5 people in a mobile home situation. she thinks that is alot. and she thinks a car for 1,000 is going to last a long time. she said she won't stay at my house unless i let the other kids stay on the weekends. and i have to drive and pick them up since she doesn't havea car or a house after 6/15/07

you see i have alot on my plate too. i got fired from my job, my dad just died last weekend and my sister is also getting a divorce from her husband so it is hard with all this stuff.

Answer 1

Try to understand all your friend is going through, by putting yourself in her shoes. She is so distraught, stressed out, and overwhelmed by everything right now. Her life is completely shattered, her home has been broken apart, her family has been taken from her, she's penniless, lost her home, her car, her family, her self-esteem is down the toilet, her physical, mental, and emotional health are all suffering. She's been betrayed, humiliated, and embarrassed by a man who was supposed to love her, be her husband, lover, and best friend, take care of her and protect her.. I'm surprised that she can even walk straight !!!

You, on the other hand, are her savior right now. You haven't lost anything, and your world hasn't been torn apart. You're the strong, objective friend that she needs to leans on to help her through this difficult time.

Continue doing when you can for her, help her get the necessary information and assistance that she needs. And see if you can set up space in the living room for her kids stay over, they're all she's got from her family. They can even sleep in sleeping bags on those nights. All you need to do is provide some floor space. If she can't see them because they can't stay with her there, it would cause her even more anguish, and deplete what little hope and life she has in her.
That would devastate her most of all.

She'll be eternally grateful to you, and she'll never forget your kindness and generosity. She'll probably also want to repay you as soon as she can, and move out and make a home for herself and her children as soon as she can. And if someday down the road, you should need her help, you can be sure she'll be there for you in a heartbeat.

In answer to your question, yes, you are making the right decision. Helping someone while they're down is always a good thing. At times like these, we can count our lucky stars that we're not in that predicament, but are in the better position of being able to help, instead of needing the help.

Answer 2

Good query. To one of the most previous responses, I do not feel the which means used to be what motivates a selection to be made (starvation inflicting consuming) however as a substitute the way it will get relocating. Take a step again from the genuine main points of the stimuli and the selection, and it is not starvation that that reasons us to consume, considering that we now have all been hungry and made up our minds for some thing cause to not consume. This manner the selection to consume used to be now not began through starvation in truth. Like a pinball laptop, i feel the query is what will get the ball relocating. What's the spring that begins the electric signs of a selection making approach. Hunger might be like a bumper, affecting wherein you eventually take that selection, however anything has to provoke motion. I do feel there are a few automobile-hearth selections, or reflexes, however what approximately willful selections? For no obvious cause I can straighten my proper arm, maintain it for 14 seconds, then quit. No truly stimuli brought about that apart from simply seeing if I desired to. So interest might be a intellectual stimuli, however that is not what brought about me to truthfully make a decision to transport my arm, however as a substitute simply affected that selection making approach as soon as it all started. Again with the bumper for the pinball. I desire any person who has studied the mind is available in an offers us just a little extra concrete reply, considering that now it is bugging me too. Good query.

Answer 3

I think you need to sit her down and tell her that it's time for her to step up to the plate. Yes she has a lot of things going on right now but it's her life and she needs to get it straightened out not you. Your being a great friend helping her out by giving her a place to stay but if your not too careful she might just take advantage of you and everything you do for her. Set limits with what you will do and encourage her to help herself. Nothing about life is easy especially divorce with kids. Good Luck!
By the way what gives the husband the right to keep everything and just 2 of the kids???

Answer 4

first of all i hope that i have a friend like you if i am ever in a situation like that. I think that you have gone far beyond the call of duty. I know that it might seem like a lot for her other kids to come on the weekend.. but it is only the weekend.
You should tell her that staying with you is not a free ride and that she needs to help herself. She needs to make the call about the car. She needs to put an effort to getting on her feet. You have been more than generous with your home, but should she ask you to watch her kids during the week.. suggest that she put them in camp or soemthing.
She needs to learn to be independent and get back on her feet.

Answer 5

I'm pretty sure her husband can't do that. Especially if it's a community property state. She needs to get a lawyer.

Plus, I think you've done a great job helping her out. If you don't have room for 2 more kids on the weekends, you just don't have room. There's not much you can do about that.

Answer 6

Yes, you are making the right desision. I would have helped her also.

I would alow the other children to visit on the weekends also. She is trying and she is going through a real hard time right now. She will be on her feet before you know it.

I think that you are so sweet to be there for her! Thank you!

Remember what comes around goes around. I bet you have a friend for life in her and I'll bet that even after she gets on her feet she'll always be there for you if you ever needed anything!

Answer 7

Well, it's nice of you to help your friend, but it seems she's too dependent on you already. I think instead of putting her in your home, help her set up something in her own place, like a cheap apartment if that is possible. I think once you get her set up in your place, she's going to be there for the long haul and use you out the wazoo. If you put her in your place, then you need to give her a time limit to be there and stick to it. You can take her to public aid and help get housing. Good luck!

Answer 8

You did more than any friend could do. But your friend is pushing it too far. She now taken you for granted. It about time your friend stood on her own two feet and get a flat or what ever. You are going to have to put your feet down and say enough is enough. If she doesn't see this, then she not really a friend.

Answer 9

She needs your help and a good friend will give her the help that she needs. Just make sure that she's taking steps to become self sufficient and that she's not replacing her husband with you. She can get some of that stuff back during the divorce proceedings.

Answer 10

Ok well she needs to make her own app for the car...she is a grown adult...she needs to do this...and maybe you need to tell her sence she is asking you do all this for her. If she cant stay there...then she cant...that is her own decision...she would be a fool to turn away a room without having to pay rent...and then say well i cant stay here unless my kids can stay...you are way to nice...she needs to figure this out...this is her own situtation...even thought you feel for her...she is still an adult and needs to take some responiblility.