My husband hates it when i talk to other people. he expects me to go to bed when he does and if i do not he sets the alarm to make sure i do not go outside. he hates it when i help my family out. he inspects the house every day and if he finds a scratch or piece of dirt he makes blames me. I do not know whether to tell his family about the way he treats me. I really want to leave but he always black mails me. who can i talk to.
2007-06-10 14:37:37 · 25 answers · asked by jazzy1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to leave so much but with all the abuse i have endured its been hard.. i was locked up in a shell its only now that i am out of the shell and making plans to leave.. His family thinks he is so good to me cos he is forever calling them and telling them what he has done for me. I realise he is sick and needs to be left alone..
2007-06-10 15:36:58 · update #1
why did you pose a question just 2 weeks ago about your boyfriend being overseas?
This is my friends account and since i can not use mine cos of the fear that he will see my question my friend offered hers.. pls just help me.
I have no relatives at all in America except his and no friends cos he has never let me have any.
2007-06-10 15:51:54 · update #2
how can he black mail you?
get out before it gets worse
2007-06-10 14:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
His expectations for you are obviously too high. No one is perfect. If he really hates anything out of place, dirty or scratched, do not let his comments be directed at you. Let him know that when he is dissatisfied, he also has the option and the right to clean, shine and correct things. Part of the work in a marriage is also the husband's responsibility-not all yours. If he understands that his blaming cannot make you guilty or tense, he will probably back off and stop inspecting things. You might do some inspecting of things and forbidding him to leave at will to do the things he usually does with other family members and see if he likes that. Maybe he will get the message. If that doesn't stop him, you might want to discuss your concerns with a marriage counselor or a clergyman.
2007-06-10 14:48:43 · answer #2 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you pose a question just 2 weeks ago about your boyfriend being overseas? Sorry for the confusion.
Sweetie he will never change. You can talk with his family if you feel you can confide in them and if you really think they will help you. This could backfire though so Beware! If they see no problem with his controlling ways, then they will speak with him and your situation will get worse. Can you talk with your own family? Can they not help you find a safe place until you sort out your future? If you can not turn to family you can always call an abuse hotline, they will help you get out, but you have to make sure you are ready to leave.
This controlling nature will not get better with time. You will only become more isolated with nowhere to turn. Please take control of your life today and get help!
2007-06-10 15:09:38 · answer #3 · answered by loving_life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always look into individual therapy sessions, or if you fear he may find out, you can always call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website at www.ndvh.org. They will keep everything confidential and help you with a plan if you chose to leave. Take it from me, it will only get worse. I was married to an abusive man for 5 years and I have been divorced for 7 now. It was very hard, and sad, but if you have a good support system you can do it!! If you need to talk you can always talk to me. Be safe.
2007-06-10 14:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by mary m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom was in the same situation your in. I watched her go through it. It is very hard, but he will not change. You need to get out now before it gets worse. Try the website
http://www.ndvh.org/
It gives a 1800# you can call 24/7 365 days a year, for someone to talk to at any hour. If you want to email me to talk feel free sometimes talking to someone on a hotline isn't as personal. I've been in an abusive relationship too. The grass is greener on the other side, be strong and leave!!
2007-06-10 14:44:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will only get worse, before it gets any better. Men who are obsessed with controlling you, usually escalates to being physically abusive.
You need to get marriage counseling and if he refuses, you have no other choice than to divorce him.
He is a controlling freak, who is manipulative, and selfish. His family may not be much help, since he may have learned this behavior from them. Get counseling soon, because you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
Divorce is by no means my first choice of advice, especially when there are children involved, but when your husband does not see his behavior as a problem, you can't change him, no matter how hard you try. Living like this is not a healthy relationship.
If you believe he will get angry or be physically abusive, then you have no alternative, but to leave. Our worst enemy is fear itself, get over the fear, and be realistic.
Good luck.
2007-06-10 14:52:59 · answer #6 · answered by Emerald 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you really need to get out of this relationship. This is something really serious and you need to talk to a professional. I dont think you should talk to his family about it. What if they don't believe you that he does all these things? Honestly try going to Dr. Phill or someone. They should be able to help you out. There are also those abuse relationship hotlines. And they should be the better people to give you advice. Good luck. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-06-10 14:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave during a time you are alone or with a group of people. Like when you walk back to the car run the other way. Or black mail him back by bluffing (or many not bluffing) and saying you could file him at court or pull out divorce papers. It's a serious matter. Protect yourself
I wish you luck and protection,
Daniel
2007-06-10 14:43:20 · answer #8 · answered by kurtis231 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he know you're communicating with us? Better use a computer he doesn't have access to since he's that controlling. May not be the best idea to talk to his family first, cause someone will tell him. Try an abuse councilor. What he has on you as far as blackmail issues needs legal advice.
2007-06-10 14:56:16 · answer #9 · answered by whats.the.deal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy is a control freak and you have to get out of there. You need to talk to a lawyer or counselor and get all your things in order and document this abuse somehow and get a divorce. I don't know what he has to blackmail you with but you must not let him scare you out of leaving.
You have to find a way to get help and plan a way to get away from him and divorce this bastard. Good Luck
2007-06-10 14:45:47 · answer #10 · answered by blastabuelliac 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His blackmail is to make you stay with him. Leave now or you never will cause you are being control by his so call blackmail.
What have you done that he can blackmail you? If not, go to the police for help.
Pls remember that once abusive, forever abusive. Never believes when he say he won't hit you ever again!!!!!
2007-06-10 22:28:42 · answer #11 · answered by von 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋