Any one found the text messages been the 1st step of betrayal??

Question

found txt messages from a guy on wifes phone

Ok it is with a guy who has a known reputation in this town of targetting married women.
She had some form of fling whilst we were separated.
I assumed when we got back together that this **** would stop.
Last 2 weeks i have found out it hasnt.
She claims he is a friend only & my paranoia is pushing her

Answer 1

You should remind yourself that this man that is texting her, probably does it with or without your wife's encouragement. But the chances are she is leading him a little by flirting or writing back. She probably likes the attention. ANYONE would, so make sure she gets that attention from you, show her you have everything she needs. If you have just now gotten back together after the separation she most likely isn't completely comfortable with you yet, she doesn't know if your relationship will work out and if she will be alone again. She wants to keep this guy in "her pocket" for use when her self-esteem drops. This is wrong and distructive, to all parties involved. But trying to convince her of this, will be futile. So try to mention in a unobtrusive way that her "friendship" with this guy makes YOU feel unsure about her intentions for the future of your relationship and that it makes you feel like she is keeping the door open to other guys, thusly not devoting herself to you and your marrage. If she see's how much it hurts you, and still insists on keeping up the flirting, then she doesnt really care about you, or being with you. And unfortunatly that may mean that your marrage is broken beyond repair.

Answer 2

Hate to tell you this but i don't think you are being paranoid. Guys like that aren't looking for friendship usually. And... if your wife was really interested in making it work with you she wouldn't be ... texting or giving her number to other men. She would be particularly careful to make you secure. Instead ... it looks like she is leaving her options open in case the reconciliation doesn't work :(. Telling you that it is your fault your paranoia that is causing the problem is just a misdirection . If she were sincere she would totally explain why the text existed and reassure you that it was totally innocent as well as apologies for any worry it might have caused. You are vulnerable for a good reason. The fact that she isn't making an effort .... is not a good sign in my opinion.

Answer 3

Given your wife's history, she should be especially careful of anything which might undermine your trust in her.

She might say that the guy she is texting is just a friend but
a) you know what men are like and how unlikely it is that he is just there for friendship
b) it does not matter whether their texting is innocent or not. The point is that it makes you uncomfortable. YOU, as her husband, are supposed to be the primary male relationship in her life. The fact that you are uncomfortable should be all she needs to end further contact with him - thereby showing respect for you and your feelings.

Not only that, trust your instincts. They are never wrong.

Answer 4

forget the text you get a friend and see how the old lady responds to that, don't forget to tell her she's just a friend oh and let the womenizer with the reputation see her also, you already know how he'll react, and go from there. good luck . . .

btw , ever notice when a women has another guy in a relationship it's called a friend, when a guy has a friend who happenes to be a women it's called cheating . . .

Answer 5

It is a sign. The cell phones have brought allot of couples to ruin. I'm not blaming the phone, it has been the number one tool used to cheat. My husband has banded his, he even went to the point of getting a cell phone and not telling me about it. Turning the phone off when he's around you. Getting angry because you have a phone is a clear indication that he know he can't be trusted with his. Girl it is tiring and it make them look stupid. Oh yeah, just because mine have bnded having a phone, I know a dog is a dog. With or without a cell phone.

Answer 6

If you think that something is happening, then something is there. That's normally the way you figure it out. Logically you know something is not right, but emotionally...

No one on here wants to know that the person they love are doing things behind their back. So sometime you mind can see what you're heart doesn't want to. Just wait and watch. Don't expect it to happen, or look for it to happen. Just watch what does happen. Good luck.

Answer 7

If it was the guy she had the fling with, you might be right to worry. If she insists on being friends with the guy she had a fling with, it's noot because she just wants to be his friend. Sorry to hear about your situation. She might be trying to get you to leave her so she doesn't have to look like the bad guy in the relationship, then she would be free to be with him. Good luck!

Answer 8

Look out pushing will cause her to stray. If you are accusing her and assuming she is doing something wrong then why shouldn't she. What difference would it make- you already think she is.

if you want to be with her the realize that she is with you. If she wanted the other man she would be with him. Trust her or at least pretend like you do. You are probally just making a fool of yourself and pushing her farther away.

Answer 9

What kind of txt msg? some women have male friends that are just friends, some have different kind of friends, i had male friends after getting married but then my husband told me that theres no reason to have male friends, that he is my best friend, so he is the only male friend i have now. I had a friend who's been married for 6 yrs now, she is talking to her old high school male friends, but not just like friends, she hangs out with them when her husband is out of town. You should talk to her, ask her whats going on, tell her you should be the only male friend she should have. Ask her if she would like it if you would do the same.

Answer 10

It depends on what the text said. I get texts all the time from guys and I am married. Most of its business related, some of it is my gay guy friend, and a few times its been from my brother in law. So... it all depends on what the message said. Maybe ask her about it and maybe she has a good explaination. Good luck.