I’ve been seeing a great guy for 2 mos. Im divorced and have 2 kids. he’s never been married and has no kids (if that means anything) Last night as I came home from a date I called to check on my daughter and she said her dad was outside waiting for me. To avoid a scene I told boyfriend to drop me off a block away. He was pissed but did it anyway. Then I told my ex that if he ever did that again, I’d file a restraining order. I spoke to boyfriend later on and he told me he liked me and enjoyed my company but that he didn’t need this. That I didn’t not have control of the situation. I told him I took care of it and not to make any hasty decisions. Today I text him and he text back but I could tell he was still pissed. He calls everyday, today he didn’t. I know this is the man for me and would hate to lose him because of my ex. He doesn’t want to see me happy. What to do?
2007-06-10 12:34:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I completely agree with your new beau. As a single person, this behavior would be oft-putting. Set very strict boundaries with the ex--exact time lines, etc., give the new guy space, and see what happens in a month. You must get your ex under control or you'll lose this guy. There are lots of single women with no ex issues who'd gladly snap him up. Work it out.
2007-06-10 12:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by bahjij6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think two things have happened so far:
1. You wanted to take control of the situation so you left your boyfriend out. Guys in general don't want to be left out. You did the right thing but in his mind, he thinks that you have something to hide and that's why you left him out. You need to show him that he is involved with everything even bigger decisions like this.
2. You ex husband's action might be because either he is jealous or he is worried about another man getting to father his daughter. I would be too! He doesn't know your boyfriend and since the bf is going to be close to his daughters he is concerned. In this case instead of making threats of restraining orders, you should assure him that the boyfriend is a good guy by having them meet. Remember this meeting is not about him approving of your boyfriend but for him to get to know the person who might "father" his daughter. Contrary to popular belief, it's his right. If I were your ex I would want to know who this "other" person is. There are lots of cases of abuse around the country and I would be very concerned. I think you would feel the same way if he had a girlfriend and your daughter was there with him.
So, treat the situation delicately and get everyone in good terms and re-assured.
Good luck :)
2007-06-10 20:00:35 · answer #2 · answered by Tourang B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really blame the new man for not wantig to deal with a crazed ex that don't have enough sense to let go. Perhaps your ex only wants to make sure he keeps in touch with his kids. That's okay if that's all it is. But if he's one that doesn't know how to let go. You got a mess on your hands and don't have control of the situation. I don't know what to say except maybe you should settle this before you invite a new man into your life. Sever the ties with your ex for good. But don't deny him the right to see his children. Take care
Peace and Love
2007-06-10 19:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by moogles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't jump into something just because you're divorced with 2 kids and some guy is giving you attention. You say you've only been seeing him for 2 months and that this is the guy for you - 2 months is like the blink of an eye in a relationship! I think you did the right thing with your ex, but DON'T jump through hoops for some guy. Most guys I know would have been pissed too for having to drop you off down the street: he most likely thinks you're hiding him and NO ONE likes that.
Let him be. He has a lot to think about to decide if he wants to be with you or not (a woman who makes him drop her off down the street, a creepy ex, kids that aren't his...it MAY NOT be worth it to him.) Not meaning to be harsh, just realistic.
Good luck.
2007-06-10 19:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by smallweed 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everything has two sides.....
If my brother was the one dating you right now, and he told me this had happened to him, I'd say: " Be careful and think about dumping this woman...She's trouble!" Sorry....
Sounds like your ex is a jealous and possessive man, and the kind of person no one likes to have around.
Why would another man want to have this shadow near? The new guy is realizing he may be walking in dangerous territory with you....
2007-06-10 19:47:04 · answer #5 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two major issues. First is that you have to make sure that you phyco ex doesn't spoil your relationships and that he understands that it is over. You might have to consult a lawyer or the police if he keeps this up.
The second is that your bf will have to accept that there will be some rough patches with your family life. If he is a quality man he will get over it and be there for you in the tough patches and aid you to get through them.
2007-06-10 19:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Ed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File the restraining order against your husband BEFORE you tell him that you are dating someone else and that his interference in your personal life will not be tolerated. If possible, say this over the phone to your ex IN FRONT of your current beau. Then apologize to your boyfriend.
2007-06-10 19:38:53 · answer #7 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the boyfriend judges you so harshly this early on in your relationship and is not more supportive, he is not the man for you! Look for someone else who has the positive qualities you admire in this man, without all the baggage and judgment. He sounds just as controlling as your ex!
2007-06-10 19:41:34 · answer #8 · answered by Lee819 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing that I don't see anybody addressing is... why would you have him drop you off a block away? You don't think he could handle himself? If my boyfriend dropped me off a block away to see his ex wife... my first thought would be that soon they will be back in the bed together. I would leave to. Never turn back.
2007-06-10 20:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by mommy4two05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not much you CAN do...
your ex doesnt want you dating and he knows how to make this guy go away...
this guy had never had to deal with this type stuff, so it might be scary to think you'll have to deal with the jealous ex all the time...
2007-06-10 19:38:20 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋